A Bunch of Random and Senseless Nothings that I Enjoyed Doing Today.

Decorated and organized my bedside table-cause it's my favorite side of the room-yeah,that's Ashley Greene in one of the frames.Love her eh?

This is the backside of my New Moon Alice Cullen tee.I had it printed at Sticky Avenue.Good service!The man even asked me to "come again soon and he will give me a discount".LOL he wasn't able to give me a discount cause his coworkers are there and they'd already made me pay.Too bad.

My Alice Cullen Tee.I love it!It cost me Php450.00 but it's totally worth it.Besides, it's Php2000+ in online stores.I just had it customized to save a lot of money.Goo!

P.S.
I'M BETTING ON ALICE!

Here I Go Again with This Stupid Feeling

Dear Heart,

I would really appreciate it if you'd just tell me what or who it is you want instead of giving me sleepless nights.It would make everything better.I know,I would love him too (whoever he is) if you do,just please give me an idea of who he is or what it is we're both longing for so that my eyes can just close for a while without tears streaming down..I feel all used up dealing with this blankness that embraces me.I feel cold.I don't know how to warm myself up.I don't know what to do anymore.

Can't Get Over This.Might As Well Share It.

The first time I Loved forever..
Was when you whispered my name
And I knew at once you Loved me
For the me of whom I am

The first time i loved forever
I cast all else aside
And i bid my heart to follow
Be there no more need to hide

And if wishes and dreams..
Are merely for children
And.. if loves a tale for fools
I'll live the dream with you.
For all my life and forever..
There's a truth i will always know
When my world divides and shatters..
Your love is where i'll go

Oh Sh*t.This just didn't happen.

Sometimes,numbness is worse than pain. I often find myself unable to sleep at night-that's because of the numbness that seems to seep in my veins.It makes me want to wish to actually have a bedroom window-this room feels suffocating at times like this.

Once or twice,I'd turn the lights on just to make sure I'm still here.The coldness and the darkness don't help of course,I don't feel at home.I do feel tired though,and there's nothing I could do but cope until I get it over with.

I sit up,try to listen to my surroundings and all I hear are the crickets and the soft blow of the breeze outside-just nature taking a breath.I wish I could see the moon from here.That would be better than curling up with a pillow,trying to fall asleep to no avail.God,I can't even think clearly.My mind is clouded with random thoughts that simply mean nothing. This is numbness.Worse than pain.

I wish I could just feel pain.At least I would have a reason to be upset about something.Frustratingly enough,there's nothing.I don't know if my blood still courses through my veins.I don't know if I still have pulse beats,but I definitely am breathing...and it's really uncomfortable,annoying,to feel upset about something I don't recognize.I feel madness,regret,longing..they're all resurfacing,but for what?That I can't answer.

I tried putting these stupid earphones on and listen to some achy music and it only got worse.I'm longing for something. Something's missing-a part of me..Something I can't go on without.Something I've lost without realizing its absence.

What the f*ck is that something?

I have no f*cking idea!

I started screaming in my head.


And then,as I was about to pinch myself cause maybe I'm just dreaming,

...realization hit me.

I don't want to believe it.


Can this be love?

A Proof of My Profane Stupidity

I hate it when my friends fight because of me.I don't hate my friends for putting up a fight-I hate myself for being the reason of the fight.Clearly,am I worth the stress and anxiety?Who am I to bring them to situations like this?

Basically,the only problem was mine.Yeah,I am a trouble bearer.I am the trouble bearer.

I met up with my friends early today.We had a lunch date-that's what we call it when we hang out,a date.We always come in a group so no one feels left out.

I instantly occupied the table at the far most end of the cafe-this is our usual spot.Because we have a usual table,I have a usual seat that is the seat in the corner against the wall,giving me a fair view of what's happening outside.As our boyfriends(that's what we call our guy friends) piled out to order,my girlfriends and I had this small talk about our love lives.Uh well,to be honest,we just talked about MY lovelife,since all of them are annoyingly happy and contented with theirs.
"So how's it going with you and ________(our friend too)?"Mimi asked me. I just stared at her like an idiot..Cause I don't know what to say.cause really,things are fine with him and me,but no,we are not together.And he says he loves me,but I'm not sure if I love him.So yeah..I don't want to lead him on.They kept on asking questions and I keep on just staring and smiling.What a dumbass i am.

A while later the boys came really quietly which made me suspicious.And I was right.they heard what I was saying.He heard me say "no,we're not together and i don't think that would happen anytime soon cause i'm not yet sure about how i feel,and the guys might be just betting on me."

Exactly!Me and my stupid mouth.The guys heard that and they never said anything.they just looked at me with hate filled eyes and the girls kept on defending me..Which I think i don't deserve..

So that was how my day went,with me ruining our lunch and making my girls fight with their boyfriends because of me. I wish the Earth would just swallow me whole and never let me live again.

Sleep Playlist

Carry You Home-James Blunt
Feels Like Home-Edwina Haynes
1234-Plain White Tees
Possibility-Lykke Li
A White Demon Love Song-The Killers
If My Heart was a House-Owl City
Bless the Broken Road-Rascall Flats
Amazing-Regina Spektor
Kiss the Rain-Yiruma
Can't Find the Words to Say Goodbye-M.Y.M.P.
Two is Better than One-BLG ft. Taylor Swift
Half of my Heart-John Mayer ft. Taylor Swift
The Best Day-Taylor Swift
Smother Me-The Used
Deathbed-Relient K
Awake-Seconhand Serenade
Life is Beautiful-vega4
Angels-Augustana
Run-Leona Lewis
I Miss You-Incubus
Learn You Inside Out-Lifehouse
Flightless Bird,American Mouth-Iron and Wine
Don't Say Goodbye,Say Goodnight-Binoculars

stupid feeling.

I want to cry.I don't know why.I was just listening to sad songs then suddenly,I feel the need to cry without reason.It's so frustrating,it makes me want to cry more. :(

When Black Gets Mixed with White,Everything Turns Gray

What I mean is, when friendship turns to love,everything goes wrong.

Some people say that love's best foundation is friendship.First you become friends,and the rest is history.Love stories of this kind often last forever.They say mainly because you have come to know each other that you grow comfortable together.But I wonder what happens when you fall in love with a friend who doesn't feel the same?

POSSIBILITY I:
You would suppress your feelings and just keep it to yourself, knowing it would destroy your friendship.
Most people do this because it's the safest option we have.The risks are surely not worth a shot,knowing that when you tell him you love him and he doesn't love you back,something will change.Whether one or both of the parties admit or deny it,clearly,your comfort with each other will never be the same.He or you might not be able to look at each other without feeling betrayed or hurt,thus ruining the friendship.Some people satisfy themselves with friendship,than nothing at all.


POSSIBILITY II:
You would tell him your true feelings and end up getting hurt.
Just like what I said in the first possibility,just because you love someone doesn't mean he loves you back.You get the picture,someone's in love,someone clearly just wants the friendship,so conflicts start building up in the surface.Someone gets their hopes up that someday,the other one might fall for her too if she just tried hard enough to make him,while he assumes that someday she might just fall out of love and find someone new.

POSSIBILITY III:
You would tell him your true feelings,and find out that he feels the same.
Ahh.The joy of happy endings. So you tell him you love him,and voila!God loves you so much that this boy loves you back.If this is what happens,isn't it so worth it to try and tell him while you have the chance?After all,you are friends with him,you don't have to pretend to be someone else around him.You just might hope that you will have your own line of "and they live happily ever after" in the book of your lives.

POSSIBILITY IV:
You would not tell him you love him for fear of losing a friend,little did you know that he loves you too,but he won't tell you for fear of losing you as a friend.
This could be the saddest love story in time.This is the point where I would like to bang two people's heads together to wake them up to reality.When you love someone,why would you fear anything?What do you lose by telling them?Everybody likes being adored,though no one will admit it (no one except me,I guess).How will you know the way it will turn out if you never tried?If it ends up badly,go on with your life,at least you wouldn't spend the rest of it wondering of what might have been.If it turns out to be good,how would you feel?Indescribable.You will realize in the end that everything's worth fighting for.You don't lose unless you quit.If you tried,even if you lose something,you know you will always win.You will always have something to gain.

If My Heart was a House

This song warms my heart.Everytime I hear it,I find no reason not to fall in love.It's so romantic..Tsk..

You're the sky that I fell through
And I remember the view
Whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warms over everything
Chills run down my spine
As our fingers entwine
And your sighs harmonize with mine
Unmistakably
I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me
We got older and I should've known (Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you when you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower balm perfume, all my clothes smell like you
Cause your favorite shade is navy blue
I walk slowly when I'm on my own (Do you feel alive?)
Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you when you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

If my heart was a house you'd be home


HERE

Busy Keeping Myself from Falling in Love

Seriously,how do we do that?I'm not some emotional genius who can talk to my giddy heart and say stop,stop right there if you don't want to get hurt.Instinctively,my heart won't.Cause I'm stupid.Cause I love the feeling of being in love,of being loved.It feels wonderful.Yuck.That's so corny.

But really,as Rosalie Hale said in one of those Twilight books,"admiration is like air to me".That's what it's like to me,too.It's nice to be admired.But then time will come,admiration will be reciprocated.By me.Ugh!!I hate this feeling.I don't want to fall..yet.At least not now.

I need more time to think things through.Last time I feel without looking,I got stuck with a jerk.A jerk who wanted to be everything to me,yet kept on making me feel like I was nothing to him.A trophy girlfriend.What.A.Jerk.I don't want that experience to repeat itself.I don't want to be with someone who claims to be a prince and turns out to be the villain.But as I said,my heart is stupid.I am stupid.I don't know who's more stupid,me or my heart?Maybe it's me,cause I'm the one who gives in to the flutters of my stupid heart.So yeah,that makes me even more stupid.Holy cow.

I wish I could tell who's worth loving.Ha!As if my stupid heart could even differentiate jerks from prices when I'm already in love.Wait,can my mind do that?I guess not.Cause I'm stupid too,and that makes my mind stupid as well.

Whatever.Even if I am stupid,and even if he turns out to be a jerk,he will be a lucky jerk if I fail from keeping myself from falling in love.I am just a girl.A girl who loves flowers,compliments,little somethings and time together.Those things pull me deeper,but at the end of the day,it will be wit,honesty,love,care,and that look in his eyes that makes me want to believe everything he says that will win me over.


P.S.
I am stupid.
He might be a jerk.
--Perfect combination.




Oh yeah,perfect.