I'm Sorry For That Night.

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?


We all have,at one point in our lives. Family, friends, lovers. I have loved someone so much that it hurt, and it still does. Sometimes, reality is the last place I want to be in.

K and I had a huge fight because of V. No, I'm not blaming V or K, or maybe even myself. It's no one's fault, but it hurts nonetheless. In a matter of a few hours,I've lost two important people in my life.

K for opening my roleplay account out of curiosity, and so he saw something he didn't want to see- V's tweets about having an accident or whatever that was. That account is a lie, and I know that,and I never intended to snoop on her business.It just so happened that K had, and he hates lies. A lot. And there are other people involved that he cares a lot about, so it got all complicated and came down to one thing after the other: I got mad at K, K got mad at me, I read all those tweets in question, got disappointed with a friend, and V blocked me.

I'm not even sure now if she'll ever speak to me again. I can handle not having K in my life. It will be hard, of course, but if it boils down to me having to choose, I'd rather have V.

Even if it feels like she'd rather not have me.

I'm fine,actually. I just feel empty. It's cold, and I'm not feeling it physically. It's so hard to stand when you don't know what else to believe in. You might be saying "Seann, shut the fuck up. It's role play."

Well yes,it's roleplay. But behind those characters are humans with feelings. Humans who escape the real world because it's shitty enough for them. I'm sorry. It's just that I stood up for her, and here I am, still lost them both. I guess it doesn't matter,anyway.

I'm still here though. Waiting for a simple hello,nothing else. Just give me that and it will all be fine. Things will fall back to the right places in time.

As for everyone else, be careful with what you say, but most of all, be careful with what you hear. The world is full of trickery.

Everythig I Had Is Someday Gonna Be Gone.

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I tuck you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
Your mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready
for school

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even you want to
Please, try to never grow up

Oh, whoa
Don't you ever grow up
Oh, whoa
Never grow up
Just never grow up

 

 

 I wish I could put in words how much I miss my parents right now. I was on the bus,listening to this song,and it had no impact on me...until this part:

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up 

 

 No one knows what I'll be willing to give to have my old life back,where it was just myself,my sister, my father,and my mother. Those times we spent together as a family were very rare and short; you could count it with your fingers. Still, it's what always brings me down. The fact that no matter how hard I try now,I can never have the one thing I want the most, and I will live with this regret for the rest of my life-that when I was little,all I wanted to do was to grow up immediately and move away,and have a life of my own. If I had known back then what I know now,things would have turned out differently.

I'm just having one of those days. I'm just being too emotional, clinging on to the things I can never have, obsessing about the past.It happens to everybody,somehow, but it doesn't change the fact that it's sad.

I thought being an adult would provide me with endless possibilities.I was drunk with the idea of wearing stilettos and actual dresses,going out with friends,the freedom,everything.Nobody told me about the heartaches and heartbreaks,about having to stand on your own,dealing with betrayals and death,losing friends and failing grades.

Now,all I could wish for is to be little again.How I wish I can just turn the hands of the clock back to a certain point in time where everything is still as good as they seem,before I started doubting my abilities,before I stopped believing in myself, back when the walls that surrounded me were the unshakable walls of love,support,and encouragement.

I feel like a little girl trapped in a teenager's body. I'm lost. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.

This Is The Part Where I Break Down And Cry

Where do I begin? I guess I want to say I'm tired of the drama.It seems like a puppy,following me everywhere.


Although I must admit,I never assumed we'd come to this point where there's no turning back,or so it seems. You were my best friend. I was ready to give up anything to stand up for you. I tried my best to be there for you, to help you get through the rough days when your heart was bleeding in fire.I just wanted you to be there.To stay,to keep me company sometimes.But the moment you found happiness, you disappeared from my sight,quicker than lightning, and before I knew it, everything else was different.

I loved her like a sister. Mainia and I-we used to be inseparable, but things change,and people do,too. Before she met this guy C, she was in a personal crisis and  I was always there for her. No, I'm not saying this to count the good things we've done for each other and compare. I'm just trying to paint with words how close we used to be. She was heartbroken,and so was I,so we clicked. We made each other laugh and cry.Then one day, she was gone.She slipped away like I didn't matter at all.

My point is, just because people meet new people,does that mean they have to throw someone away to give space to the new ones? Cause that was how I felt when I realized what was happening. I don't care,call me sensitive,immature,whatever you wish to call me.I felt like she kicked me in the curb just because she now has her "personal bumble bee", and then when he hurt her,she turned to me and said, "blame C, blame C."

That was what got me annoyed. I'm not like some toy that you get to play with again the moment your new one loses its luster.I have feelings,and they're pretty delicate. I give my all when it comes to three things: family, love, and friendship, but that doesn't mean I don't runaway when I see pain.I'm no saint, I'm only human. I want you to be happy, but surely, you can be happy without hurting me.

This whole thing makes me sad. I told her last night the reason why I'm so distant, but I was misinterpreted before I can fully explain. It's not about you coming back to Twitter role play.I don't even go there anymore. It's you coming back to my life.I want my best friend back but it's not that easy. I don't want to ever feel worthless again.

I was trying to bring it all back to the way it was,but healing takes time.I never forgot you. Stop acting like I was the one who ended this friendship.

I was there the whole time. Where have you been?

It's Not Much,But We Can Make A Life Out Of It.

 

 Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live.

Faced myself in the mirror early today. I've been spending some time holding my head between my knees,trying to shut everything out. I miss my friends. I miss going on vacations with my family,no matter how short the times I got to spend with them were. Today was my grandmother's birthday,and reality hit me square in the face.She's getting older,weaker,and each minute I spend with her should be priceless. I watched her every move.The way she took a piece of my fish for luch,the way she sipped Coke from my glass. I'm scared cause I don't know how much more time I have to see her like this. I'm scared...

My phone is filled with notes I type late at night when 'm up,trying to drown my thoughts with music. What would become of me? I don't know,but I know what and who I am and who I want to be right now.

I'm young,and I know I shouldn't be scared. Hell, I know what kind of music I want to listen to,and I will blast it out whenever I want,wherever I want. I'm entitled to make as many mistakes as everybody else, wear whatever suits my fancy, say my thoughts aloud.I can dance in the middle of the street and NOT care what strangers say. I can skip school whenever I wish to just because I can. I can say "Fuck Mondays" and I will never wait for Friday,it will come to me. 

I'm young,and I wish I wasn't scared. I wish I could admit to my mistakes and just shrug it all off in the end. I get mad at my friends for doing stupid things WITHOUT me. I hate it that time passes by so quickly,that we barely have time to breathe and watch the world around us because we're all so occupied with our own needs.

I'm young, and I'm scared. I'm scared of not being who I want to be. I'm scared of not blending in with the crowd, when all I really want is to stand out. I'm scared of growing old alone,and I can't wait to fall in love again. I'm scared that Christmas will be lonely just because I have no one special to share it with,and seeing happy couples make me jealous,but I say they make me sad,because I can't admit to jealousy. I'm scared that one day,the world will look at me through my very own eyes and see that I really am no one special at all, just a piece of twig wrapped in pretty ribbons. I'm scared that the future isn't as secure as it once seemed. I'm scared that I might find him.My dork with the black framed glasses, dark, messy waves, suspenders and intelligence.

I'm scared that I'm wanting all the right things at the wrong time. 

I'm scared, cause I know this life is mine, but I might never be able to actually own it.

Hello,My Name Is Meh.

I started the day feeling really good. I had a wonderful evening and a nice and funny dream that I actually remembered when I woke up,only to have everything ruined by my aunt.

Don't get me wrong. I love both my aunts.They spoil me,they give me mostly everything I want,but they can be really mean at times. Like today.

I cleaned my bedroom at home and my grandma helped me,together with my sister. We carried everything out to have them sorted,and I decided that I wanted to move the bed frame out permamnently and just sleep on my matress on the floor.As a compromise,my grandma insisted that I use an extra matress,so that I'd be more comfortable.I agreed just to get it all over with. I then arranged my things and furniture inside the room,and now I'm so amn tired and my muscles are sore.

My aunt peeked in on me while I was arranging my books. She saw the two matresses on the floor and demanded that I give the soft one back,and said that she was just gonna use it for herself. Avoiding an argument,I pulled the mattress away while she went on with her business. When I was carryng the matress,which was not very light,by the way,on my way out of my bedroom,she stopped me and said I could keep it. In my very calm and collected voice, I told her that she was annoying, dumped the fucking mattress on the living room floor, and went back inside my room. I never talked to her again.

You see,I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I wanted to avoid an argument,for God's sake,that's why I pulled the mattress away from my room as soon as she instructed me too,even if that meant I had to rearrange all my stuff because they were all on the way of that mattress. My point is,I don't know if she was taking pleasure in getting me annoyed,or if she was just being plain selfish. It's not like I stole the thing anyway! It was my grandma who insisted on it!

I know,I know.I'm making such a big fuss out of it but I'm just really pissed right now.She does that to me all the time but when they're the ones who touch and take my things,they think it's no big fucking deal. I just had to write it all down here. I think it's better than taking it all out on her.

My Heart Is So Broken,Rejecting Your Love.

I'm not supposed to be acting this weird. I just went home,kicked my shoes off, collapsed on the couch and slept with my school uniform on. I feel so blank. I want to be someone else, somewhere else.

I saw a girl walking home,towing her huge school bag behind. Scattered paths of sunlight blinded me for a while, and then it hit me.I don't know what I'm living for right now. It feels like the past few weeks are just a blur,like I'm some kind of a stray leaf being blown away by the wind. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere new.

I need an escape and I don't even know what I'm running away from. I just feel so completely lonely. I feel like I'm missing out on the world. I want to be able to skip away and giggle and just be pure again. I want to have my bright eyes back,the eyes of a child that only saw wonders and beauty. Right now, pain is all around me. When I was little, I saw the stormy days as break days from school, not a threat for my fellows' lives. I wish I could be that innocent again. I wish I could...just...fly. Away from this horrible world.

I walked the concrete pavement,listening to the sound of my heels kissing its muddy surface, listening to the vehicles roaming about,listening to my neighbors gossip about the latest who's who, listening to the buzzing of the bees,the swaying of the trees.All of them were doing something.What was I doing?What am I doing?Why am I still here?

My mind is ridiculously messed up right now but I'm trying to erase it all with a smile.Why can't people see how hard you're trying to be good enough for them? It's all beyond my understanding. I just want to take each person who feels as terrible as I do now and pull them in for a hug. I miss everything. I miss my friends. I miss the sound of our laughter and the way we would sing a song on the bus for hours on end. I just want to feel like I'm not as useless as I think I am...

Softly,We Tremble Tonight

I think I blog too much, but you really can't do anything about it.

Today has been a day of keen observation. If you knew me well enough,you would know that I don't pay all that much attention to things unless I'm really bored. My mind is always floating with thoughts and ideas so most of the time, the hands of the clock would tick by and I would not even notice.

Today,I made it my business to just look around me for once.

I've never seen the road as beautiful as I have seen it today. The branches of the trees that swayed above me were beyond magical--I felt like I was in wonderland. On my way to school.I thought about stuff that I usually think about.Like why people die and why things happen.



Human beings are funny,in a way. Sometimes, we are annoyingly funny. Sometimes, it's just plain rude. I was sat in McDonald's all alone, eating my lunch in quiet stillness when a lady (she's about 25-28) asked if she could share my table.I said yes,of course.I mean what choice did I have? Even though there were tons of vacant tables, it would have been rude if I said no,right?

Well,I just realized that no matter how kind you are and no mater how good your intentions are,people would always push you to your limits and you must forgive them for that.Perhaps you make others feel like that too,at times. So the lady turned out to be VERY talkative.I was never the type who talked to strangers like we were old friends,mind you.I have trust issues. So I was wuietly nibbling (hehehe,nibbling) on my chocolate sundae, and I was having these really disturbing coughing fits in between,and she wouldn't shut up.

Nibble,nibble,nibble.She wanted to know where I lived,where I was studying,why I was at the mall, how old I was, what year was I in, what course I was taking, how long did it usually take me to get home, did I take the jeepney every single day, did I have anyone with me at the moment...The list could go on forever. Right at that very moment, I was mentally nagging myself for ever deciding to buy that chocolate sundae. All I wanted was to have some alone time with myself to be able to think things through,but her words were faster than bullet,so as soon as I put the plastic cup down,I politely excused myself and escaped the scene of the crime.

What I'm saying is, that WAS VERY RUDE. I really appreciate it when people talk to me,I mean,I do that a lot in Twitter and Facebook,but when I am eating, DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO ME. I am very strict with this ever since high school. I do not like being watched or talked to when I am eating, cause I respect and value the food. To others it may sound shallow, but why do we pray before we eat? To thank God for the blessing,right? Well, that is the reason why I like eating undisturbed. It makes the meal all the more special and sacred. That is just my opinion.

If you ever find yourself in the same situation one day,respect the other person's privacy and silence,please. As you can see,I was really pissed,and I still am,because I feel violated. I don't know why. It's just so annoying,even until now.

A Letter To An Inanimate Object I Hate

Dear Computer Speakers,

I wish you don't sound groggy.To be honest with you,you sound worse than I do when I have just woken up in a very bad mood on a hot morning in June.I don't know what exactly that means,but I'm sure it's a bad thing.

Anyways,can you please straighten yourselves up?Everytime I play Trading Yesterday you make them sound like there's phlegm in their lungs,I kind of lose my mood because of that.

All in all,though,if I look past all the crazy sounds you usually make,you can be pretty useful,too,when I want to drown out my thoughts,or the neighbor's inevitable NOISE. I'm sure we are one on this.You know what I mean.

P.S.

Please try your best not to fall of the table.It's getting anoying,really.

Love,
Seann

A Month Of Letters Prompt Table

day 1. A letter to an inanimate object you hate.
day 2. A letter to a dinosaur.
day 3. A letter to a movie character
day 4. A letter to someone you want to kick in the face expressing why you want to kick them in the face
day 5. A letter to a celebrity you want to kick in the face
day 6. A HEARTFELT letter to some food
day 7. A letter to a historical event
day 8. A letter to a giant space robot
day 9. A letter to the coolest person you’ve never met
day 10. A letter to an alien race.
day 11. A letter to your last bowel movement
day 12. A letter to a mythological creature
day 13. A letter to a word you don’t like
day 14. A letter to a word you love
day 15. A letter to your crotch.
day 16. A letter to your bed
day 17. A letter to a video game character
day 18. A letter to a website that ruined your life
day 19. A letter to an animal you like
day 20. A letter to an animal you think is fucking stupid
day 21. A letter to something you’ve owned for 5 years+
day 22. A letter to something you want to fuck
day 23. A letter to the drug of your choice.
day 24. A letter to one of your bodyparts
day 25. A letter to Gary Busey
day 26. A letter to the future cyborg version of you
day 27. A letter to band that really needs to break up
day 28. A letter to a movie you hate
day 29. A letter to a letter you’ve written
day 30. A letter to a bowl of fruit

Can This Be Love?

 Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I love the feeling it’s giving me now…

At night, I toss and turn, thinking about him, his smile, studying his face in my memory. Do I remember his face right? Is the cute dimpled cheek on the left? Or should that be on the right? I browse my phone, reading and rereading his messages, looking for clues, hidden meanings, or just reading them to make me smile. It never fails. He gives me sleepless nights.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I am not sure of this feeling somehow…

When I see him, it’s like what happens in the movies. Everything stops, if only for a minute, and our surroundings are a blur. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world, just us two. But when he passes by and smiles, I don’t know what to do. Shall I smile back, say hi? He makes me nervous whenever he’s around. I feel self conscious, as if his eyes are only for me. Somehow, I am happy, and scared, too. If he holds out his hand, shall I put my heart in it and trust him not to break it? When that smile breaks on his face, I feel like everything is possible. I feel like I can do anything… I will do everything, just to see him smiling.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? The voce inside me is guiding me now…

It’s telling me now to take his hands… When I hear his voice, I tremble inside. My heart fills immediately with inexplicable joy, it forgets about all the burdens. It tells me to take the chance and fall, even though I might not land back safely in his arms. What is this I’m feeling? Can this be love? Just the mere sound of his name blown by the wind to my thoughts is an intricately weaved lullaby, luring me to keep my eyes close and dream. It makes me feel peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong. If I take the risk and shut my mind down, I’m his. I’m his, to make or break, and try as I might, I just couldn’t tell myself otherwise.

From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart

*click the image to enlarge

Well hello, I have been flamed again. :)

After weeks of not updating my Fanfiction The Day You Said Goodnight, I decided that tonight, it's about time I do, since I have free time.

But then again, maybe I decided wrong. First review for my latest chapter: FLAME.

Aurike, you see, doesn't like tragic stories. I mean I understand her. She also flamed me in Chasing Rainbows. And now, she couldn't understand why Jasper had to choose between ALice and the baby, because according to her, we now have advanced (modern, whatever...) technology like the Ceasarian section wherein Alice could give birth to the baby without harming any of them...

So I said, this is the plot of my story. If this wouldn't happen, my story would be pointless because then it wouldn't revolve around anything. Believe me, I hate plotless stories.

She responded with the private message above. Again, I understand her point, but it's not that easy to not take it personally when she said "your doctors are just stupid".

First of all, I wrote those Doctors. I was the one to give them souls and lives, so that meant I am stupid for writing them like that. Okay, I am stupid. She just basically called me stupid, and I am not hurt. It's fine.

Second, she called me cruel for writing stories like this. Well then, I hope she could give me some tips and suggestions in what I should write next because clearly, she doesn't like what I am doing right now. I would really want to know what she wants to read so that I could please her...So I am cruel, and I am slightly hurt. Does she even know me personally to say this to me? I don't know, cause she is hidden behind a computer screen. No photos, no stories, no description of herself.

Third, she speaks as if she knows everything there is to know about life. Let me ask, has she had a friend who gave birth to a dead infant? Well, my friend did. She was not even sick when she was pregnant with her baby. That was last year. She and the baby were perfectly healthy, they could afford all those modern technology, and her husband didn't have to choose. Still, my point here is that the baby DIED. The baby came out DEAD even after all the smiles and assurances that everything would work out fine. Now,compare this to my story, which is worse? Does this mean that the Author of my friend's life is cruel like me, or maybe even more? No, cause life happens like that. That's what I have been trying to inject on her mind from the very start, but Aurike just wouldn't buy it.

I am never an angry person, you know? I rarely get mad because i always try to put myself on someone's shoes before judging them, but this is just too much for me to handle. Just please,if you have nothing good to say, just don't review, alright? I appreciate constructive criticism, but your criticism is just plain criticism--you create them to bring me down, and trust me,you almost succeeded but I am one tough girl. If I am, by any means, disappointing you with my writings, then, quit reading them. It's as easy and simple as that... I don't know why you even bother in the first place.

This would be the last time I'd address this issue. I just want to make my point clear, because it seems to me that you cannot see it. I don't think you know me personally,so please have some respect and stop using adjectives to describe me.Introduce yourself to me, tell me what you want, and maybe we could even be friends. I want you to be happy, but it looks like your happiness depends on bringing me down,so I regret to inform you that should you keep up with this,you will never know true happiness.

So long, Aurike. I'll be waiting for your suggestions on how I can write better stories. Perhaps you know better than I do. And please, I want to read some of your works too. If you are not too busy making other people miserable, please make time to write one.

Thanks.

Seann.

I'm Not A Fool, And Neither Are You

I'm in love.

Like.... I didn't just stare at this picture the entire afternoon. I mean, I'm not capable of possessing such idiocy, and you know that, right?

Truth is, I did, and I am. Ha! I even had to remind myself that I am a girl, you know? She's just so gorgeous. Absolutely so.

For starters, my day's just fine. I have just finished reading The Last Song, and in my own humble and unreliable opinion, Dear John is so much better. I even got bored reading this one. I don't know why. Maybe because I read Dear John imagining Channing Tatum, while I read The Last Song imagining Miley Cyrus. See the difference? Good. I'm not a fan of Miley, either.

My chicken pox is on the verge of getting well real soon, but I'm obsessively worried about the scarring that will take place soon. I'm vain like that, and must I admit, it feels weird to say my chicken pox... As if I am owning them. Hmm.

I've been through a lot lately. Well, I've experienced being flamed in Fanfiction.net for the first time. Flamed means someone gave me a negative review, in case you were wondering. Anyway, I didn't take it so well at first, but now it's okay. I would not be pissed if my story was being criticized, but it was I that they spoke about as if my life was exposed in front of them, and they knew everything about me, when in fact they didn't know anything at all. That just ticked me off for a while but I've cooled down, so I'm back to writing. No one can stop me. I love what I'm doing. :)

And lastly... Twitter is sick, like, seriously sick, don't you think? It's worrying me a lot, really. I mean, when someone you love shows serious signs of sickness, you would worry, right? You would. you definitely would. And that's what's happening right now with Twitter. It's sick and it shows signs of dying... Aaah no Twitter!! You can't die, I mean, what about me? What about us? What about stalking Andrea and Caitie and Ashley? We can't end like this, you know? I can't handle it. I can't live without you. You're my life now... Okay, that's so Edward-ish, but still.. i can't go on without Twitter, it will kill me too. Twitter is my only family. That's so Alice. Aaaaah I'm going crazy. Insaner. Ha.. Ask Yasmina. :P

That's all I want to say. It's back to school time but I'm not back to school yet because I'm sickity sick with the chicken pox, as I have mentioned earlier. I'm so bored. Maybe I'll begin reading The Time Traveler's Wife. One more thing, kids. Do you...You know, fold your books' pages when you want to mark what you're reading? Let me advise you against it, then. Respect the book. Use a book mark, it's not that expensive anyway. You'll never regret taking care of your books, I promise. Just do what I said. Okay?

Okay, bye!

Poof! *vanishes*

Slingshot: Aimed At Everyone

Hello, I'm back with a strong will to rant, so feel free to hit the X button on the upper right corner of your browser if you are not willing to hear the truth, because I feel miserable and misery loves company. Not this time, not this time. I just want to claim my right to a nagging spree.

Okay, just in case you are living in a delicate bubble where cursing and swearing A LOT is acceptable, go away, as I'm currently holding a needle to pop your world. Let me tell you first that I am not a goody two shoes who doesn't cuss and swear when an unfortunate situation comes. I do say bad words... But only when I'm desperate and exasperated.

It just annoys me that kids right now think it's proper and acceptable that they curse as they please. Call me old fashioned, but I'm not a hypocrite. See? Saying F-CK in a sentence is not good, but we really can' avoid it at times, right? So I think we could bear with that. I could bear with that, as well as SH-T and other cuss words that I wouldn't really want to type here one by one. You get the picture. It's okay as long as you watch your words, moderate, and use them properly.

But when you start using a cuss word for EVERY SENTENCE you say, now, that's an entirely different issue. I don't know what's with cursing, I mean, do kids nowadays think it makes them seem cool and independent when they swear? If they do, then I have a very different point of view from them. It's up to you to realize who's seeing the world in a good perspective, and who's seeing otherwise.

I'll admit it here that I'm shooting one kid in particular, but you wouldn't guess who this kid is. You don't know him/her, but when I was her age, I cursed, and guess what? My aunt slapped my lips with my then newly bought slippers and it hurt a lot. I never cursed since then, I never attempted. All I'm saying is that time changes a lot of things, but things like this one (proper language and guidance from elders) shouldn't be moved by time. It will do all of us no good if you pepper every single phrase with curse words. I even think it's repulsive when I see or hear one curse like there's no tomorrow.

Sure, hit me with the overused phrase that the Philippines is a democratic country, and that we are all free to do and say what we want to. True, it is. But as Filipinos, inhabitants of this paradise, we carry within us the responsibility to preserve what polite manners our ancestors have passed along to us. I'm not saying we shouldn't curse or swear or do this or that, cause I'm not in position to dictate. We all have our own mind and emotions to help us deal with what's wrong or right, use it. Swearing doesn't make you look cool. In fact, the younger you are when you curse, the less chance you have to ever gain my respect.

Kthanxbai.

P.S.

I know the photo is irrelevant to the subject, or so as you might have been thinking. Well, no. I took this photo last June 1, a bridge in my Aunt's boyfriend's house. I just thought it goes well with my little rant above, because if you open up your heart and actually suck my message in, then you would understand, and finally, it would be like crossing that bridge from one side to the other. Unadultered happiness is waiting for you, mate. Happy trip.

Dreaming of Falling...

I just feel like I'm the loneliest girl today. *sigh* I don't want to bore you with my stories about days like this, but what else can I do? I need to blog to get this all off my head if only for a good ten minutes or so.

First of all, I really miss you, Louise and Vicky. You know, we keep denying to ourselves the fact that we have somehow grown apart... But it's not hard to see that we have. Or maybe it's just me that grew apart from the both of you. Well, whatever, really. Either way, we're not as bonded as we used to be. We used to be so eager to talk. I don't know what happened, but whatever it is, I love you. I do. And every single minute, it hurts to think that maybe I'll only be with you in dreams. I live in the Philippines, but part of my home, you bring with you wherever you are.

I miss Rani, too. Our random Twitter conversations with Leslie always pick me up. She's busy with studies though, so I totally understand that. I'm looking forward to talking to her again soon.

And then there's this uneasy feeling. I feel sick. They say I might have chicken pox any minute now, and I'm really scared because pain is the greatest of my fears. School's approaching, and how will I go to school if I'm sick? I don't want to be absent on our first week, cause then when I'm able to attend on the second week, everyone is already friends and I'd be left out like some kind of a freak.

I want to skip the next five years of my life, to be honest. I just want to fast forward and see what I'd be like after all these years. I want to have a regular job already. I want to go out of the country and see if the rain is just as chilly there as it is here. Mundane things like these keep me going. Sometimes, I feel like stopping everything altogether and just don't move, but somehow I keep pushing through. For reasons even reason can't find.

Dancing Along The Lines

There's something about the rain...

I spent a lot of time being miserable. It's like misery is an old friend. It tricks us sometimes into thinking that it's always going to be there, that we can't be happy. But we can. We can walk away from pain. And I think the best way to do that is to believe in ourselves that we are somehow worth something. It's not important to be everything, you know. Being something alone is quite an achievement.

Do you know why we become miserable? I think it's because we are always not contented with what we have. We always strive to have more, to be more. Greed consumes humanity... I should know. I myself can be selfish at times.

It is not a secret how I love shopping and owning fancy things. I think we all have that in us. Problem is, the more I have, the more I want. Having a burning passion for something sometimes ends up to a competition, if not with one's self, with others who share the same passion. It can be dangerous because as human beings, we have this drive to prove to everybody that no one else is better. Why, I really don't know, perhaps because of the promise that succes comes with people looking up to you because you have something they want or need. That's human nature.

It might be hard to understand, but I believe all this roots from one simple thing-our desire to be admired, to have somewhere to belong, to have someone believe in us, look at us and never look away. I really can't generalize, I can only speak for myself, and it's true that having someone's entire attention focused on me is flattering. It's so good that I might even go as far as saying basking in someone's attention is like dancing in the rain. It makes me giddy, happy, and free to be me.

Sometimes, I just need someone to be there for me. I need to go to someone just to hear them say I'm beautiful, cause it makes me feel better. But sometimes, no matter how many times they call me beautiful, I don't want to hear it....unless it's from him. <3

I'm Creative.

Yay. My room is squeaky clean. Hahaha.

That's hot it looked before I decided to clean it up. Err, I'm sorry, but someone said the most creative people have the messiest room. So there ya' go. I'm creative. :P

See? I could actually clean!!! yay!!! Party!!! hahaha ... I've nothing left to say. I also don't know what Tweety was doing in my bedsheet. I mean... I'm team Hello Kitty. D: MY aunt bought that for me so don't blame me.

Kay. I'll leave you with some of my favorite movies.

Destiny

The fact that I cannot kiss my elbow is enough to make me realize that some things seem to be close,yet they are bound to be beyond my reach.

They always say maybe it's my destiny,or that maybe *insert someone's name here* was not meant to be in my life,or maybe their purpose is over.

What about me?I mean,they make me fall,get used to spending time with them,and then out of a sudden it's all over?It's easy to say we could move on like nothing happened,but believe me.It's easier said than done.

I know,nobody said it would be fair,or that it would be what I imagine it to be.That's why falling in love (or everything in life) is a risk.We don't know what the outcome will be.We only have vague ideas of what it might be.Still,it's not easy when you both make promises and it ends up shattered,and it's you who's left alone to pick up all the broken pieces.It's tiring,consuming,and sometimes it feels better to just give up and let it be.

Destiny.It's what most of us blame for the things that happen in our lives,but destiny is not a huge rock that you can't shake.Sure,we have our destinies written in the stars,but that doesn't mean we could make an excuse and just always blame destiny for the things that happen in our lives.I think it's called destiny because of one thing-destination.

See?The end is waiting for us.It might be a happy ending or a tragic one.It depends on how you get there, and what you did along the way.In short,you could say you were born to be an astronaut,but if you go to College and take up medicine,you'll be a doctor.In easy words: you can alter it by doing one single mistake.

The same goes for love.Falling in love is so easy,keeping it is the hardest part,because when you have to do something easy everyday,it has the tendency to get boring and dull as time passes by,and in love,you have to fall every single day to be able to keep the fire burning.Fall to the sides and you're out.I mean,when we are in love,our goals should always be straight ahead,we should keep our eyes on the prize, and never play with anyone's heart.Perhaps we are destined to be with that someone,but one single mistake can change everything.It can alter destiny.Faith is very important.We all have to have that for that one person you couldn't live without.In the end,it would be worth it.

You might think I'm a bit cynical about destiny.No,I'm a hopeless romantic and I really believe in destiny.All I'm saying is that  just because there's destiny doesn't mean we shouldn't work our way to it. Just because there's destiny doesn't mean we could lie around all day and declare that we are destined to be jobless or homeless. We are the ones who lead our lives to where we want it to be.Destiny is only as reliable as we are.If we don't aspire and work for a happy ending,we would never get it.And we,my friends,make our own destiny.

Twilight And It's Characters-In Five Sentences

For years now,we are all obsessed with Twilight. Anything Twilight. Sure,we do know all the characters but what about the others? The non-twi-hards who don't have any idea who Bella or Edward is? Well, here, let me help them. ;P In five sentences each, I will introduce you to Twilight. ;P

TWILIGHT

Twilight is a romance novel created by Stephenie Meyer who dreamt of a girl and a vampire in the meadow. It's main characters are Bella and Edward but for me it's really Alice and Jasper, cause I said so. It is a saga made up of four novels, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn, respectively. If you don't know anything about it yet then I am so sorry for you. Many fan girls will aspire to kill you.

EDWARD

Edward is a vampire,more than a hundred years old, who falls in love with a clumsy girl (see: Bella). He is strong and romantic and has really nice hair. He has a family, too, though they are all adopted. He likes Volvo and for him Bella smells really really good. Oh, and he sparkles.

JACOB

Jacob Black is Bella's best friend and Edward's biggest rival. At first he has long hair but maybe because Edward looks gorgeous with his locks,Jacob decided that he would be gorgeous too if he cut his hair,so he did. He's a creepy stalker (he jumps into bedrooms quite easily) but not as creepy as Edward. He likes naps and he can't keep a secret. He runs around topless, all the freakin' time.

BELLA

Bella Swan started all this Twilight craze because the novels were told from her point of view (Jacob shares his POV in Breaking Dawn). She's the clumsiest girl ever made and she likes making out A LOT. She's a bad liar but she still tells lies. She likes papercuts, and later on, she cuts herself with a sharp rock cause that's how she rolls. She mumbles and blinks a lot.

ALICE

Alice is Edward's adoptive sister and Bella's best friend. She's always hyper like she just drank a liter of Coke or something, and she LOVES shopping. She can see the future based on the decisions made, but she can't see the future of the werewolves. She can pitch for baseball like crazy, and she likes walking on tree tops. Guilty of stealing a yellow Porsche.

JASPER

Jasper Whitlock Hale is Alice's husband who used to be the youngest major in a Confederate Army in Texas. He has a sexy Southern drawl and a sexy voice. The production made him wear horrible wigs but he certainly pulled off the look, and proved to be the sexiest and most beautiful vampire ever (in my eyes,okay?). He growls at the smell of blood resulted by a silly papercut,and even when he growls he is sexy. He gets to ride a horse and kiss Alice Cullen, which is totally fine with me (okay, NOT.).

ROSALIE

Rosalie Hale was described by Bella as the most beautiful face on Earth or something like that. She acts like a beeeyotch toward Bella most of the time because Bella is human who wants to be a vampire while she is a vampire who would give everything to be human because she wants to have a child. She pretends to be Jasper's twin sister in Forks. She's the wife of Emmett Cullen. Her favorite expression: my monkey man.

EMMETT

Emmett likes arm wrestlings and other things that let him prove that he is strong. He's goofy. He likes bears for food because a bear mauled him before Rosalie found him in the woods. He likes teasing Bella and Edward and the rest of the family. He and Rosalie destroyed a number of houses while having S (soup).

**
That's all because I'm tired. More to come (maybe) soon. I do not mean to offend anybody here,okay (sorry to the fans of Twilight who might get mad--I am a Twilighter too! This is purely for fun) Thanks.

Stay The Same : A Post For Women (A Little Feminist)

When I was young I used to sing this a lot.Of course, back then, I just liked the beat.Little did I know that this song would be like my daily mantra years later.

There are always those days when I'd wake up, check myself out in the mirror, then end up slouched on the couch because I'm not satisfied with what I saw.I've been blogging about this for as long as I could remember,but I just couldn't stop.

I just want all of us to realize that the fact alone that we were born girls, ladies, women is proof enough that we are all beautiful.

Some women undergo plastic surgery to change whatever it is that they do not like about them. I am not saying it is wrong, I mean, sure, go ahead if you have the money, right?What I'm saying is that it's not other peope's fault that you are unhappy about yourself. It is of your own doing. If you embrace and learn to love yourself,flaws and all,then you'll never be less than perfect.

I know what you're thinking: that these are just words and I'm some kind of a hypocrite for writing it this way,right? Yes, these are just words, and that is my whole point in the first place. These words are waiting for you to give power to them,to give meaning to their existence. Otherwise, they would all just remain words. Second, I am not a hypocrite,because I know I am not perfect. I don't have porcelain skin nor beautiful feet, and my hair doesn't always stay in place,but frankly,I couldn't care less.For as long as I know I'm taking good care of this physical body that God has given me,and I'm doing my best to look my best without scientifically altering anything,then I'm good to go.

Of course there would still be those typical times when I'd say,I wish I look like her, I wish I have this and that,but when those times come, instead of going off about the things that I wish were better or the things I don't have,I keep my focus on the things I have,the things I like about myself, and the things that make me,me.

After all,I would never cease to believe that there is someone in this world who's looking for exactly what and who I am right now,so I don't have to change anything for anyone to actually like me.Because physical beauty doesn't necessarily reflect a beautiful soul,but a beautiful soul shines through,and gives us this colorful aura that surrounds us and makes us glow and stand out from the crowd. ;)

MY HEART IS BREAKING.