My Happy Ending ♥

I know that nobody's perfect,but this won't stop me from hoping that someday,someone who's perfect for me will come.He will be simple, loving, and a gentleman. He will have a great sense of humor and a tender heart that cares for others, and he will not,by any means, tell a lie just to impress me. Every time I'm with him, I will feel safe and fuzzy inside. We will be good together, and good for each other.

Someday,I will fall in love with the right person,at the right time,and for all the right reasons.And when that happens, I will not get so caught up in him that I will forget all the little things I love about myself, like my long,curly hair, the way I love laughing at the silliest things, and how I love spending some time alone. He will help me achieve my little goals every day (like doing something good for another person's benefit at least once a day, and be able to express myself through the smallest things), and support me in pursuing my grandest,craziest dream: to be a published author of a free style memoir.

I may not run into the person I deserve anytime soon,but that's okay. I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not in a hurry. I know the Prince Charming kind of guy is out there,and he is also looking for me.And when we do find each other,it will be real and wonderful and magical and just unbelievable. And I will know for sure that the long wait-and maybe even the heartbreaks that came with it-was totally worth it.♥
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My Heart Is So Broken,Rejecting Your Love.

I'm not supposed to be acting this weird. I just went home,kicked my shoes off, collapsed on the couch and slept with my school uniform on. I feel so blank. I want to be someone else, somewhere else.

I saw a girl walking home,towing her huge school bag behind. Scattered paths of sunlight blinded me for a while, and then it hit me.I don't know what I'm living for right now. It feels like the past few weeks are just a blur,like I'm some kind of a stray leaf being blown away by the wind. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere new.

I need an escape and I don't even know what I'm running away from. I just feel so completely lonely. I feel like I'm missing out on the world. I want to be able to skip away and giggle and just be pure again. I want to have my bright eyes back,the eyes of a child that only saw wonders and beauty. Right now, pain is all around me. When I was little, I saw the stormy days as break days from school, not a threat for my fellows' lives. I wish I could be that innocent again. I wish I could...just...fly. Away from this horrible world.

I walked the concrete pavement,listening to the sound of my heels kissing its muddy surface, listening to the vehicles roaming about,listening to my neighbors gossip about the latest who's who, listening to the buzzing of the bees,the swaying of the trees.All of them were doing something.What was I doing?What am I doing?Why am I still here?

My mind is ridiculously messed up right now but I'm trying to erase it all with a smile.Why can't people see how hard you're trying to be good enough for them? It's all beyond my understanding. I just want to take each person who feels as terrible as I do now and pull them in for a hug. I miss everything. I miss my friends. I miss the sound of our laughter and the way we would sing a song on the bus for hours on end. I just want to feel like I'm not as useless as I think I am...

You Can Make It Happen.

If you have a dream, then the time to start chasing it is now. Don’t wait until tomorrow. You owe it to yourself to follow your dream.

-Ashley Greene

I don't think I have ever been this determined. Most people know for a fact that what Seann wants,Seann gets. I'm stubborn like that,and it's no secret that once I set my eyes on something,there's no stopping me.

Maybe I'm crazy. Yasmina said I was crazy-I told her all about it and I guess she's right. I'm crazy...I always am. But if there's something I badly want today, right at this very moment, it's this: I want to go to Los Angeles for Breaking Dawn. As plain and simple as that. I want to meet Jackson Rathbone and Ashley Greene at least once in my life, for if I don't, I don't think I'll ever say I have lived. So I decided-I owe it to myself to follow my dream and this is that dream. I am going to act on it and make it happen or at least try.

It sounds impossible,yes? It seems like just yesterday, on my way home from the mall, I was thinking about a certain friend of mine who made a firm decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of being an actress. I was skeptical, to say the least, because not everyone can have the same fate and luck as Ashley Greene. When you really ponder on it, it's not easy to just pack your bags and go-considering you are a total alien with no place to stay in or a comrade to depend on. I was thinking she was crazy. I have almost forgotten that all the best people are.

I am going to work on this, earn this reward for myself. Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared of letting this dream just float away with the wind. I'm scared that if I don't try reaching for it, one day, I might regret it...And that's what I hate the most. It would be really awful when I'm old and gray and I look back on this day and see clearly where I went wrong. I do not want that to happen.

I'm not sure,of course, if I could make it happen. What with all the fuss and effort I have to make,like getting a passport and a US Visa, and an authentic NSO Birth Certificate, the least of my worries are the plane tickets. But as I have said, I am too determined to back out now.Not now,not when I have seen a glimpse of hope that tells me I can. I can. I just have to work on it.

I have always been a dreamer. Regrets are the most painful part of my life,and each regret pinches my heart a little too painfully, to the point where I begin promising myself that whenever I have a dream, I will at least try and do my best to achieve it, and leave out all the rest to Him. That way, it wouldn't hurt when I think about it, because I have done my part. I could tell myself that it is not my fault anymore,it just really isn't meant to be.

As for now, it feels like there's a fire blazing in my heart. It's all I can think about. It's like I have seen what life is all about-it's all about chasing your dreams and making them come true. It's about having that one great purpose, that one great passion that will make you say your life is complete once it happens. Why, Ashley Greene was seventeen when she moved to LA to pursue her dream. She waited long enough before it happened but look where she is now. If she sat around their house in Florida,would she have been cast as Alice Cullen? Probably not. She worked hard for her dreams to come true, and that is what I will do.

Because when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

Wake Me Up When September Ends.

I must admit that this is my sixth attempt at posting this blog. I've been meaning to blog for days now, but every time I try, I just end up typing then deleting everything because the words don't say what I truly feel. It's horrible. I need to get introduced to myself one more time. I don't know ME anymore.

Yesterday, my family and neighbors and I drove to the mountains. It was fun,really. I never expected it would be that fun. But I was so tired and sleepy that I slept most of the time. On our way home, there was a crowd swarming by the side of the road, and there was a police car parked nearby, and men in SOCO uniforms. Our driver decided to stop by to see what was wrong. I saw a woman in red shirt sat on the curb, crying.

We then found out that there was a salvage victim dumped on the dry irrigation system beside the road, near the river. It was the perfect place for a crime, mind you. There are no houses, and the road is often empty,especially at night. You can count the passing vehicles by the hand. Once we got stuck there on our van. The lights won't turn on but we were too scared to stop so we decided it was better to keep going,keep driving.The place is very secluded. In the day it is paradise. It's my worst nightmare during the night.

Anyways, it was my first time to see something like that. Like,a victim's body,covered in blood, getting investigated for possible clues as to who did the crime and why. It was creepy. I still can't stay in the dark alone because of that. The victim was a girl,about my age, had long curly hair like mine. She was believe to have been raped before she was killed. Heartless,heartless suspect. Please pray for the victim's soul.

It's August 31st today. How time flies. September is not my favorite month, and I don't know what's in store for me. I just wish time will slow down, you know?I'm so scared of facing the future-I am not yet ready for the confrontation. Tears will be shed and probably,some painful words that even time can't heal will be said. I am dreading that day.I am so not waiting for September.

Sometimes,we love the wrong people for all the wrong reasons.We know they could hurt us,and at some point,they would,we'd fall down and get scraped but we'd also get back up,probably too soon,and continue fighting as if our lives depended on it.

Sometimes,the pain is just too real that I find myself crying,crying my heart out because it's all I can do. What hurts more is watching that person you love dive into the pool of pain and fire,and all you can do is watch them burn.It's crazy because you feel the pain they feel,together with your own pain. It's like you carry both your burdens,and you still smile.You try,because you want them to be happy.

I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up as soon as everything's over. That way, I wouldn't have to watch somebody burn. I wouldn't have to carry anyone's burden or feel their pain. It sounds selfish sometimes...But everyone has limits,too,you know?I can't bear to just watch the people I love get hurt just because of their own doing,because it hurts me too.I hate it when I can't do anything.I like being in control...

Someday I will know why people cross the street,even with the threat of getting hit or run over. Someday, the world will stop hurting. Maybe when September ends.

I'm Spinning and Swirling

I have nothing to say tonight. Do you know that feeling,when your mind is so clouded with things and you just don't trsust yourself to talk anymore?

What will I say now? I was supposed to be in Manila, but the trip was moved to next week, so I'm stuck here trying to review my lessons, but my mind just isn't feeling like a sponge. It would not accept anything I try to memorize. I'm just too distracted.

If there is any part of my body that feels like a sponge right now, that would be my limbs. I am so freaking exhausted and hungry. I have just eaten but I'm starving again. Shake my actual head. So I'm eating eggnogs here, trying to update you with what's going on with my life. It's not really so bad,noh? That doesn't make it so good though.

I miss everyone. Here I am again, being emotional and all, but Twitter is so quiet. Last night we tried to make Greenbone trend but we had no luck, I guess. Ashley was seen again kissing another guy. This time it was Joe Jonas. Mind you, I have nothing against him, but... I don't know. I just don't think he's good enough for her. But then again, her dating record isn't too good either.

When she was papped making out with Brock, I cried. Now, I didn't. I should, I know I should, but I think I'm used to it. It will only take a matter of time before she's back in Jackson's arms again. It's hard to judge her or the relationships she gets herself into because no one really knows the truth behind them except herself, but sometimes I just can't help it. I want to just ask her to come right out and tell us what's going on. Sometimes, we deserve to know.

But that is her private life. I just wish she would keep it private, because with what I am seeing, it's like she's having a party in her bedroom and the door is slightly open, giving us all a glimpse, but never allowing us to enter. Wait--does that make sense to you?

I wish it will all stop and she'd just settle down and stay with one guy,you know? I'd love it if it was Jackson but if she prefered someone else and I saw that she was truly happy, I would never go against it. Only she knows what's best for her. I love Ashley more than anyone else (not my family and friends,ah whatever, if you are looking up to someone right now you would know what I mean), and I only want her to be truly happy, but when you are a stranger looking from the outside, you will never understand what she is doing with her life. I'm trying to make sense of all of it though.. She's young and beautiful. She has the right to make the most out of it in any way she wants.

I just swear to God, if she ends up getting hurt because of Joe... I don't know. I just don't know.

P.S.:

I changed my blog music again. It's the fourth one now. First was She Is The Sunlight by Trading Yesterday, followed by May I by Trading Yesterday, then, Gone by Jim Chapell, now it's I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat. Mainia introduced me to this song. I can't stop listening to it now. I can relate to the lyrics.

Off I go to munch on crackers.

I Look Deep In My Eyes...I've Never Felt So Alone.

So here's the thing, I came here to vent about my life,how sad and lonely and miserable I am. Now, I can't remember what I wanted to say earlier.

Anyway,the skies were really pretty today. It was cloudy and gray,mostly, but on my way home,the silhouettes of the mountains bordered the river view. It was sunset, part of the skies were pink and orange and teal, and then the mountains were just shadowy shades of blue. Lovely. Very.

I'm proud to say I'm slowly retreating out of my shell again,you know?Although sometimes it's still so hard,like when I'm happy,then I will remember him,then I will feel guilty for being happy. I scold myself,asking WHY ARE YOU HAPPY,YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY. I don't know.

I'm very  thankful that I have my friends who never get tired of me.If not for them,I would have given up a long time ago.It just proves that I am lucky,in spite of all this sh*t that I am going through.

Anyway,I have some reason to be happy now.All's fine again with me and my Mom, and my grandma isn't mad about it like I thought she would be.Sometimes,people have to remind me how kind hearted my grandmother is.She deserves more than I give her credit for.

School's draining all the energy out of me.I swear I'm not going to live until graduation if we keep up with this crazy schedule.I sleep mostly at 2 or 3 am and wake up SO early.I feel like a zombie.Sometimes I find myself drifting off to sleep at the most random places/moments/situations.

I'm a bit disappointed cause I was supposed to go to Trinoma on the 22nd (Sunday) to meet up with Mainia and Ate Li to watch Vampires Suck, but Mainia found out that it wouldn't hit Philippine theaters until the 25th,so we moved the date to the 29th. Big sigh. My clothes were pressed,folded, and hung already,and now they'll be sitting on my closet for another week.I was so excited for that trip.

Lastly,I'm going crazy looking for gray boots right now. I am downright obsessed but they are so expensive and if I ordered now,it would take them until October to arrive.I cannot wait that long!I need to have those gray boots NOW.

Because I had a dream that I met Ashley Greene while I was wearing gray boots.I know,I know I'm crazy...I'm just chasing my dream. What have I got to lose,anyway? Plus I have always wondered what I would look like with boots on.

So you see,I feel lighter now than I have ever been in the past few posts.It feels so good to just lie on my own bed and think about stuff and have a good cry. I guess someday I will move on and smile completely without feeling guilty. Just not now.Not yet..

Softly,We Tremble Tonight

I think I blog too much, but you really can't do anything about it.

Today has been a day of keen observation. If you knew me well enough,you would know that I don't pay all that much attention to things unless I'm really bored. My mind is always floating with thoughts and ideas so most of the time, the hands of the clock would tick by and I would not even notice.

Today,I made it my business to just look around me for once.

I've never seen the road as beautiful as I have seen it today. The branches of the trees that swayed above me were beyond magical--I felt like I was in wonderland. On my way to school.I thought about stuff that I usually think about.Like why people die and why things happen.



Human beings are funny,in a way. Sometimes, we are annoyingly funny. Sometimes, it's just plain rude. I was sat in McDonald's all alone, eating my lunch in quiet stillness when a lady (she's about 25-28) asked if she could share my table.I said yes,of course.I mean what choice did I have? Even though there were tons of vacant tables, it would have been rude if I said no,right?

Well,I just realized that no matter how kind you are and no mater how good your intentions are,people would always push you to your limits and you must forgive them for that.Perhaps you make others feel like that too,at times. So the lady turned out to be VERY talkative.I was never the type who talked to strangers like we were old friends,mind you.I have trust issues. So I was wuietly nibbling (hehehe,nibbling) on my chocolate sundae, and I was having these really disturbing coughing fits in between,and she wouldn't shut up.

Nibble,nibble,nibble.She wanted to know where I lived,where I was studying,why I was at the mall, how old I was, what year was I in, what course I was taking, how long did it usually take me to get home, did I take the jeepney every single day, did I have anyone with me at the moment...The list could go on forever. Right at that very moment, I was mentally nagging myself for ever deciding to buy that chocolate sundae. All I wanted was to have some alone time with myself to be able to think things through,but her words were faster than bullet,so as soon as I put the plastic cup down,I politely excused myself and escaped the scene of the crime.

What I'm saying is, that WAS VERY RUDE. I really appreciate it when people talk to me,I mean,I do that a lot in Twitter and Facebook,but when I am eating, DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO ME. I am very strict with this ever since high school. I do not like being watched or talked to when I am eating, cause I respect and value the food. To others it may sound shallow, but why do we pray before we eat? To thank God for the blessing,right? Well, that is the reason why I like eating undisturbed. It makes the meal all the more special and sacred. That is just my opinion.

If you ever find yourself in the same situation one day,respect the other person's privacy and silence,please. As you can see,I was really pissed,and I still am,because I feel violated. I don't know why. It's just so annoying,even until now.

A Letter To An Inanimate Object I Hate

Dear Computer Speakers,

I wish you don't sound groggy.To be honest with you,you sound worse than I do when I have just woken up in a very bad mood on a hot morning in June.I don't know what exactly that means,but I'm sure it's a bad thing.

Anyways,can you please straighten yourselves up?Everytime I play Trading Yesterday you make them sound like there's phlegm in their lungs,I kind of lose my mood because of that.

All in all,though,if I look past all the crazy sounds you usually make,you can be pretty useful,too,when I want to drown out my thoughts,or the neighbor's inevitable NOISE. I'm sure we are one on this.You know what I mean.

P.S.

Please try your best not to fall of the table.It's getting anoying,really.

Love,
Seann

The Wait

I'll be back, you said. That was all I really needed to hear.

For years,I sat by the window,waiting for your return. I watched the raindrops splash into the glowing pavement, and chased butterflies in the garden during the Summer.

Wishing you were there to hold me close,like you always used to do.

Not a day passed by that somehow,at some point,I did not think about you.

Why can't I just go with you? I asked,my eyes were rubbed out,swelling,as I cried for you.

I cried for you...

Your old gray shirt somehow comforted me.I wore it at night,when there were thunderstorms and I was much too terrified to sit by the window and wait.

I cuddled with your shirt,inhaling your scent that was barely there.Sometimes,I inhaled so deeply that I ran out of breath,desperately trying to catch the fragrance and hold it in my lungs.It was the only way I could hold you in me.

When I celebrated my birthday,I looked myself in the mirror and somehow found that I was not the girl I used to be.Everything has changed,but my feelings for you remained the same.Untouched,unfathomable. I whispered Happy Birthday to myself, concentrating hard on mimicking your voice to perfection,so that I would feel that you were there,celebrating with me.

When times were tougher,I would lock myself up in my room and just whisper your name.I talked to you like you were always with me,like you were never gone at all.I told you about my days,about my wait,my patience,and my faith that one day you would walk through that door again,and I would be there,throwing my arms around you,and you would know how much I have missed you.

I hugged myself in bed,and I never forgot to say my good night to you,like a prayer,before I go to sleep. I once stayed awake all night,awaiting your return,staring at the ceiling,projecting virtual memories of the times I spent with you.I was so into it that when the bubble showed you turning your back from me,I began to sob and plead.

Don't walk away. Don't leave me again...

 And I woke up to the sound of the chirping birds and passing cars,and I hugged my pillow tight because it was the only thing I could do back then,because you were not there.

You were never there.

Last night,I set the table for dinner,turned off all the lights and lit a candle.The table was filled with your favorite food; there were roses and daffodils in cut glass bowls around me. I set two plates across each other on the table,and poured wine on the glasses.The sound of it touching the bottom of the glass was almost intoxicating.I felt your presence,and I knew,I just knew,that you'd be dining with me.

And so I put on my best smile and tried not to cry.

Happy Birthday,Mom. I whispered into the dark, and right at that moment, nineteen years didn't seem too long a wait.It was worth it.

Because for once,you were back,and your voice that I heard,saying that you loved me, was not a product of my imagination anymore.

It was real,and you were,too.

I hugged the telephone before putting it back on its cradle,trying my hardest to capture that moment forever.With my eyes closed,I held on to the last flimsy strand of hope that maybe you thought about me as much as I thought about you while the distance between our feet lingered.Maybe I had you beside me all along...

Don't go,I sobbed when you said goodbye.

On the other line,I heard you sigh. I'll be back.

And that was all I really needed to hear.

Can This Be Love?

 Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I love the feeling it’s giving me now…

At night, I toss and turn, thinking about him, his smile, studying his face in my memory. Do I remember his face right? Is the cute dimpled cheek on the left? Or should that be on the right? I browse my phone, reading and rereading his messages, looking for clues, hidden meanings, or just reading them to make me smile. It never fails. He gives me sleepless nights.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I am not sure of this feeling somehow…

When I see him, it’s like what happens in the movies. Everything stops, if only for a minute, and our surroundings are a blur. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world, just us two. But when he passes by and smiles, I don’t know what to do. Shall I smile back, say hi? He makes me nervous whenever he’s around. I feel self conscious, as if his eyes are only for me. Somehow, I am happy, and scared, too. If he holds out his hand, shall I put my heart in it and trust him not to break it? When that smile breaks on his face, I feel like everything is possible. I feel like I can do anything… I will do everything, just to see him smiling.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? The voce inside me is guiding me now…

It’s telling me now to take his hands… When I hear his voice, I tremble inside. My heart fills immediately with inexplicable joy, it forgets about all the burdens. It tells me to take the chance and fall, even though I might not land back safely in his arms. What is this I’m feeling? Can this be love? Just the mere sound of his name blown by the wind to my thoughts is an intricately weaved lullaby, luring me to keep my eyes close and dream. It makes me feel peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong. If I take the risk and shut my mind down, I’m his. I’m his, to make or break, and try as I might, I just couldn’t tell myself otherwise.

I Love Love Love You!

KATIE D' ALESSANDRO

O_o WHO IS THIS PRETTY GIRL ON MY BLOG!!!

Wow Katie,yes,I creeped on your Facebook page.I told you already,I love you in a creepy way.

Haha kidding!But really! Why are you this pretty! This is so unfair!

Okay,I'll talk now.

Katie.... The tweet you sent me tonight is just one of the things that will always make me smile. Thank you for that,and for always believing in me and my non-existent abilities. ;) You are one of the first few friends I have made over the internet,and you are one of the most entertaining among them. I can still remember when it was 2 pm here and it was 2 AM there, and we were planning on how we would nab Jackson Rathbone, cause we are so cool like that.

Our random conversations will always stay in my mind, and like a photo in someone's wallet,I will pull them out when I want to smile.You are definitely a beautiful girl, inside and out, and you deserve to be happy.

I miss talking to you,you know? I can't forget how funny it is when we talk about the most random things, and your reviews always make me smile.ALWAYS, Katie, every single one, because it is obvious that you put effort into them.Not only effort, emotions too.

I think I'll end it here or you'll start being creeped out.Hahaha. I love you,don't forget that beautiful! <3

~Seann

Originality Is So Overrated...

I don't know where to start. Sometimes,the truth is always the hardest to say. The truth is always the hardest to show.The truth is always the hardest to handle.The truth is always the hardest to know.

If you would time travel to my life a year ago and find me,you would probablt get snickered and bickered at. I was a spoiled bratt. I never talk to anyone unless I was spoken to. I never cared about others,so long as I got what I wanted,I could never be happier.

Things change,and people do to. I changed. A lot. For the better,I hope.

Now,I like to think I am a better person than the girl I used to be. Still,I cannot look straight in the mirror without despising myself. Everybody thinks I am good. Some even say I am pretty--I'm uncomfortable with things like this.I'm uncomfortable with compliments. They make me fret and feel like I'm bound to disappoint people.

Some girls look up to me like I'm some kind of a hero or something. Again,this makes me uncomfortable. The way they show their love for me is just so touching and rewarding,but sometimes,I feel like I can't accept it. I feel like I don't deserve that much love, because I have yet to prove to myself that I am as good as they expect me to be.

And then there are those people who only befriend me to use me. I know lots of them from school... They would be so nice to me just so the people who are nice to me would be nice to them too. Recently, there is this someone copying my style. Trying hard to be like me... And that upsets me every time. Not because I'm scared she'd be better than me--I've thought about that for a moment and that's simply not the reason I'm dismayed. I'm dismayed because all this time I really considered her one of my friends... I've been mentally giving chances to see if she will change...

But she doesn't. In fact,it grows worse with time. She copied my style, and now,she also says whatever I say. It's worrying me because it seems like she doesn't really care about me,after all. She just cares about the image she projects to the world.She wants to prove to the world that she is beautiful,and all I want to tell her is that the world will see your beauty no matter what...That you don't have to do anything to force it out of them.But I can't. I can't hurt her like that.

That day,I realized how cruel this world can really be. I have been living in a fairy tale where everything is in shades of purple and pink.I had faith in my heart that sooner or later,she'd realize that being true to yourself is more important than faking it to feel good about yourself. Perhaps,we all have that in us. That one tiny spark of evil that provokes us to go and chase our desires,no matter what or who we step on on the way.Are we all strong enough to say no to the evil? Yes,we are.

I had a talk with Yasmina the other night about this.Right now,she's one of the few people I genuinely trust.She made me realize that people do take advantage of the weak.Apparently,I belong with the weak.It still upsets me though.All I ever wanted is to be good---to live my life for others--to make it all worthwhile...I hope people realize that no matter what they do,there is only one me,and they can never be that,exactly.

If You Knew How Happy You Are Making Me...I Never Thought That I'd Love Anyone So Much...

Don't you find it funny or strange when a certain scent, song, color, or thing remind you of someone?

To me,it is like an imprint. That certain something will always be attached to someone's name, and wherever, whenever, whatever I am doing, when that thing presents itself to me,I will always remember the person.

It's july already. I can't believe how fast time passes by nowadays. You go to bed one summer night, and then you'll wake up and find that another year has gone. It's rainy season again, and just as the rain waters flood the streets, memories and dreams flood my mind.

The rain will always remind me of my dream life in the future. I may be high maintenance at times, but I will always remain a simple girl at heart. When it rains, I envision myself relaxing in my own home, curled up in a sofa positioned beside the window,just watching the raindrops fall, listening to the thunder roll, a cup of warm chocolate in hand, jazz music playing on the background.

I never wanted a huge house. I dream of a small but decent one, three bedrooms, a nice kitchen, soft beige colored walls, a roll of thick carpeting and oriental rugs on the floor.I want a front porch painted in immaculate white,with two lounge chairs perfect for viewing the stars at night.I want a huge garden, a really huge one where I can grow different breeds of roses and orchids, and dandelions.I want warm and dim garden lamps installed,and a willow tree in the back yard to serve as shade when it's barbecue weekend.

I want a stable job that would not require me to go abroad and stay away from my loved ones. I may want to have my own charitable organization someday. I want a car--not a fancy one, but perhaps a Toyota RAV4, Fortuner, or Yaris, or maybe a Honda Jazz or a Nissan Monterosport, a Hyundai Santa Fe, or, if I am lucky enough, a Ford Expedition. I really don't care about details, so long as it is a family car. A white family car.

Above all these, I dream of going home to a delicious smelling dinner made by the man of my dreams. He would serve it on the table, with thin white smoke still steaming from the bowl of rice. He would ask me how my day has been, and in the mornings I would knot his tie and kiss him goodbye before we leave for work. He would drive a bubbly little girl to and from school, and she would sit on his lap at home, her brunette curls reaching her shoulders, and together we would teach her how to draw a star. At night, we would make the time to say goodnight to her, and read to her about Cinderella or Snow White.

And as time progresses we would sometimes fall,but would help each other back up all the time. We would have our own share of misunderstandings, but we would always sort it out. We would watch our children grow, and walk them down the aisle, tearing up every time.

Eventually, we would sit on the porch, hand in hand, in perfect silence. We would look at each other and smile, and when it rains, we would always remember that it all began with a dream.

From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart

*click the image to enlarge

Well hello, I have been flamed again. :)

After weeks of not updating my Fanfiction The Day You Said Goodnight, I decided that tonight, it's about time I do, since I have free time.

But then again, maybe I decided wrong. First review for my latest chapter: FLAME.

Aurike, you see, doesn't like tragic stories. I mean I understand her. She also flamed me in Chasing Rainbows. And now, she couldn't understand why Jasper had to choose between ALice and the baby, because according to her, we now have advanced (modern, whatever...) technology like the Ceasarian section wherein Alice could give birth to the baby without harming any of them...

So I said, this is the plot of my story. If this wouldn't happen, my story would be pointless because then it wouldn't revolve around anything. Believe me, I hate plotless stories.

She responded with the private message above. Again, I understand her point, but it's not that easy to not take it personally when she said "your doctors are just stupid".

First of all, I wrote those Doctors. I was the one to give them souls and lives, so that meant I am stupid for writing them like that. Okay, I am stupid. She just basically called me stupid, and I am not hurt. It's fine.

Second, she called me cruel for writing stories like this. Well then, I hope she could give me some tips and suggestions in what I should write next because clearly, she doesn't like what I am doing right now. I would really want to know what she wants to read so that I could please her...So I am cruel, and I am slightly hurt. Does she even know me personally to say this to me? I don't know, cause she is hidden behind a computer screen. No photos, no stories, no description of herself.

Third, she speaks as if she knows everything there is to know about life. Let me ask, has she had a friend who gave birth to a dead infant? Well, my friend did. She was not even sick when she was pregnant with her baby. That was last year. She and the baby were perfectly healthy, they could afford all those modern technology, and her husband didn't have to choose. Still, my point here is that the baby DIED. The baby came out DEAD even after all the smiles and assurances that everything would work out fine. Now,compare this to my story, which is worse? Does this mean that the Author of my friend's life is cruel like me, or maybe even more? No, cause life happens like that. That's what I have been trying to inject on her mind from the very start, but Aurike just wouldn't buy it.

I am never an angry person, you know? I rarely get mad because i always try to put myself on someone's shoes before judging them, but this is just too much for me to handle. Just please,if you have nothing good to say, just don't review, alright? I appreciate constructive criticism, but your criticism is just plain criticism--you create them to bring me down, and trust me,you almost succeeded but I am one tough girl. If I am, by any means, disappointing you with my writings, then, quit reading them. It's as easy and simple as that... I don't know why you even bother in the first place.

This would be the last time I'd address this issue. I just want to make my point clear, because it seems to me that you cannot see it. I don't think you know me personally,so please have some respect and stop using adjectives to describe me.Introduce yourself to me, tell me what you want, and maybe we could even be friends. I want you to be happy, but it looks like your happiness depends on bringing me down,so I regret to inform you that should you keep up with this,you will never know true happiness.

So long, Aurike. I'll be waiting for your suggestions on how I can write better stories. Perhaps you know better than I do. And please, I want to read some of your works too. If you are not too busy making other people miserable, please make time to write one.

Thanks.

Seann.

Respect Is A Two Way Road

I actually didn't spot this particular scene in the movie. :(

Because of Eclipse's different screening days for different countries, Twihards and some not so hard fans are having a hard time getting along on the net. The reason? Spoilers.

I repeat.

Spoilers.

Yes,the bits of movie information that some people who have already seen the movie are posting on Twitter. Those who have to wait are complaining because they feel like we are spoiling the movie for them. (I am not really involved with this, I never posted any spoiler except for my previous blog post which was labeled with "Alert" so it doesn't count.)

In my own humble opinion, some of the guys who haven't seen the movie yet are being irrational. You are going way overboard over this petty thing. Don't hate me, okay? It's just that...I understand where you are coming from. Your point is that you want to wait for the movie and see it without knowing in advance what to expect, but let's face it. You cannot stop the people who have seen it if they want to talk about the movie. It is their right,you know?

You are asking for them to respect you and the fact that you haven't seen the movie yet. Let me just tell you that to gain respect,you must give respect. You can ask politely ("Please do not post spoilers,we are yet to see the movie" is so much better than "Stop posting spoilers! Just fucking stop!") Trust me, you would never get your way with the latter.

Again,these people have all the right to talk about the movie because first of all,they paid to see it.Second,it is their Twitter accounts they are using to post such things, and there is a fat chance that they do not intend to spoil the movie for you. They are just happy and so content that they want to talk about it.Is that so bad?

I think the best solution for this is just unfollow them if you do not like what they are posting, or get off of Twitter until you see the movie. We can't do anything about it,anyway. They will post spoilers whatever you do or say,so just get rid of them.

To those of us who have seen the movie, please respect our friends who are still waiting.Do not post lines and scenes unless you are being asked to. Try to minimize giving away the movie in your tweets. You can always talk about how the movie made you feel,but tweeting what EXACTLY happened and what the characters did and said is just plain annoying to those who hate spoilers. If someone asks about the movie,perhaps we could answer them in DMs so that if it happens to have any spoilers,at least it will not be posted publicly.

Let us avoid having arguments and fights about things as shallow as this. After all, Eclipse will leave the theaters in time and we'll be back with each other again. We are like one family here. We should be there for each other come what may. Just ask politely and give without complaining.

Work on teams, life is all about give and take.

Never Lose Focus!

Woooh!!! I traveled 4 hours to Manila to see Eclipse with Mainia today and it was the best day ever! Ever! EVER!!!

I still got the Eclipse fever,can you tell?Well,it was so fucking good,I had to curse about it even though I am not really a big fan of profanity. I think I'll see it again tomorrow. No,I'm sure I will see it again tomorrow!

So this post is all about the movie.I perfectly understand that some of you guys haven't seen the movie yet and you might not like spoilers, so I'm putting my review and fangirling squees after the cut. Click the line if you want! But don't blame me if it ruins or strengthens your excitement!
Okay, so we spent more than an hour in line to buy tickets cause there was a HUGE number of people swarming for them. It was early; we started at 11 in the morning. By the time we got our tickets, it was 12:30 in the afternoon. The movie began at 2:30, and we were seated on the second row.We were practically looking up to the screen but we had no choice beacuse the theater was packed,and those were the only seats available.

Let me tell you though, it was WORTH it. More than that, to be honest. It was very rewarding cause for two movies' worth I have been disappointed that Melissa Rosenberg didn't seem to care enough about the characters apart from Edward and Bella (cough Alice and Jasper cough) . First, in Twilight, she didn't write about Alice's backstory, nor did she include them in the Prom scene. I mean come on, perhaps it was not Melissa's fault; perhaps it was the production staff's or whatever---but seriously?Like,they could have at least shown rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper going to prom.

In New Moon, my favorite scene was the airport scen where the depth of Jasper and ALice's relationship was defined. Well, sadly, it's all in the book,but NOT in the movie. I was so disappointed,like, Jasper only got a line or two! It was....sad.

Now! I didn't expect anything to avoid getting to disappointed once the movie came out like the other two, but frankly--I knew there must be some reason why Eclipse is my favorite book (and now,movie) from the Saga.Among the three,it was the best.And maybe I am being biased,but I don't think Breaking Dawn can surpass this--the book's plot is just too overwhelming-in a bad way-unless they include more of Alice and Jasper.

Now,on with the review which is like 8275265% squee and 7338765% fangirling and swooning over Jacksper!

AGAIN, SPOILER ALERT! Click on the line at your own risk

I'm Not A Fool, And Neither Are You

I'm in love.

Like.... I didn't just stare at this picture the entire afternoon. I mean, I'm not capable of possessing such idiocy, and you know that, right?

Truth is, I did, and I am. Ha! I even had to remind myself that I am a girl, you know? She's just so gorgeous. Absolutely so.

For starters, my day's just fine. I have just finished reading The Last Song, and in my own humble and unreliable opinion, Dear John is so much better. I even got bored reading this one. I don't know why. Maybe because I read Dear John imagining Channing Tatum, while I read The Last Song imagining Miley Cyrus. See the difference? Good. I'm not a fan of Miley, either.

My chicken pox is on the verge of getting well real soon, but I'm obsessively worried about the scarring that will take place soon. I'm vain like that, and must I admit, it feels weird to say my chicken pox... As if I am owning them. Hmm.

I've been through a lot lately. Well, I've experienced being flamed in Fanfiction.net for the first time. Flamed means someone gave me a negative review, in case you were wondering. Anyway, I didn't take it so well at first, but now it's okay. I would not be pissed if my story was being criticized, but it was I that they spoke about as if my life was exposed in front of them, and they knew everything about me, when in fact they didn't know anything at all. That just ticked me off for a while but I've cooled down, so I'm back to writing. No one can stop me. I love what I'm doing. :)

And lastly... Twitter is sick, like, seriously sick, don't you think? It's worrying me a lot, really. I mean, when someone you love shows serious signs of sickness, you would worry, right? You would. you definitely would. And that's what's happening right now with Twitter. It's sick and it shows signs of dying... Aaah no Twitter!! You can't die, I mean, what about me? What about us? What about stalking Andrea and Caitie and Ashley? We can't end like this, you know? I can't handle it. I can't live without you. You're my life now... Okay, that's so Edward-ish, but still.. i can't go on without Twitter, it will kill me too. Twitter is my only family. That's so Alice. Aaaaah I'm going crazy. Insaner. Ha.. Ask Yasmina. :P

That's all I want to say. It's back to school time but I'm not back to school yet because I'm sickity sick with the chicken pox, as I have mentioned earlier. I'm so bored. Maybe I'll begin reading The Time Traveler's Wife. One more thing, kids. Do you...You know, fold your books' pages when you want to mark what you're reading? Let me advise you against it, then. Respect the book. Use a book mark, it's not that expensive anyway. You'll never regret taking care of your books, I promise. Just do what I said. Okay?

Okay, bye!

Poof! *vanishes*

Twilight And It's Characters-In Five Sentences

For years now,we are all obsessed with Twilight. Anything Twilight. Sure,we do know all the characters but what about the others? The non-twi-hards who don't have any idea who Bella or Edward is? Well, here, let me help them. ;P In five sentences each, I will introduce you to Twilight. ;P

TWILIGHT

Twilight is a romance novel created by Stephenie Meyer who dreamt of a girl and a vampire in the meadow. It's main characters are Bella and Edward but for me it's really Alice and Jasper, cause I said so. It is a saga made up of four novels, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn, respectively. If you don't know anything about it yet then I am so sorry for you. Many fan girls will aspire to kill you.

EDWARD

Edward is a vampire,more than a hundred years old, who falls in love with a clumsy girl (see: Bella). He is strong and romantic and has really nice hair. He has a family, too, though they are all adopted. He likes Volvo and for him Bella smells really really good. Oh, and he sparkles.

JACOB

Jacob Black is Bella's best friend and Edward's biggest rival. At first he has long hair but maybe because Edward looks gorgeous with his locks,Jacob decided that he would be gorgeous too if he cut his hair,so he did. He's a creepy stalker (he jumps into bedrooms quite easily) but not as creepy as Edward. He likes naps and he can't keep a secret. He runs around topless, all the freakin' time.

BELLA

Bella Swan started all this Twilight craze because the novels were told from her point of view (Jacob shares his POV in Breaking Dawn). She's the clumsiest girl ever made and she likes making out A LOT. She's a bad liar but she still tells lies. She likes papercuts, and later on, she cuts herself with a sharp rock cause that's how she rolls. She mumbles and blinks a lot.

ALICE

Alice is Edward's adoptive sister and Bella's best friend. She's always hyper like she just drank a liter of Coke or something, and she LOVES shopping. She can see the future based on the decisions made, but she can't see the future of the werewolves. She can pitch for baseball like crazy, and she likes walking on tree tops. Guilty of stealing a yellow Porsche.

JASPER

Jasper Whitlock Hale is Alice's husband who used to be the youngest major in a Confederate Army in Texas. He has a sexy Southern drawl and a sexy voice. The production made him wear horrible wigs but he certainly pulled off the look, and proved to be the sexiest and most beautiful vampire ever (in my eyes,okay?). He growls at the smell of blood resulted by a silly papercut,and even when he growls he is sexy. He gets to ride a horse and kiss Alice Cullen, which is totally fine with me (okay, NOT.).

ROSALIE

Rosalie Hale was described by Bella as the most beautiful face on Earth or something like that. She acts like a beeeyotch toward Bella most of the time because Bella is human who wants to be a vampire while she is a vampire who would give everything to be human because she wants to have a child. She pretends to be Jasper's twin sister in Forks. She's the wife of Emmett Cullen. Her favorite expression: my monkey man.

EMMETT

Emmett likes arm wrestlings and other things that let him prove that he is strong. He's goofy. He likes bears for food because a bear mauled him before Rosalie found him in the woods. He likes teasing Bella and Edward and the rest of the family. He and Rosalie destroyed a number of houses while having S (soup).

**
That's all because I'm tired. More to come (maybe) soon. I do not mean to offend anybody here,okay (sorry to the fans of Twilight who might get mad--I am a Twilighter too! This is purely for fun) Thanks.

Today, I'm Thankful For Everything

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive,and go do it. Because what the worlds needs is people who have come alive.

-Howard Thurman

Today,I'm thankful for everything. Yes, everything. Family,friends,the people who care. I am thankful for all the good and bad, the smiles and tears, the introductions and goodbye. I am thankful for life in general.

Some of the people closest to me made me a blog. I would not cite the blog here, it's not something I would like to ponder on. I haven't read anything posted on it yet. I don't think I would,either. Not because I don't want to. Believe me, I love you all guys who took the time to send me your best regards and messages,but it's not something that I am comfortable with.

Someone told me about some of the things written there. From the sound of it,I think it's rather emotional and depressing at the same time,I don't think I can handle that.I mean yeah,I know I've done those things,but I guess those people who said that just made a big deal out of my actions. First of all, I am not as good as they made me seem,okay? I make mistakes all the time,honestly,I do.And those 'good' deeds I've done? I didn't do all those to gain respect or fandom, nor did I ever dream of any citation. I did all those to satisfy myself. The hunger that lies within me. If you know what I am talking about,then thanks. I did not want to be branded as some kind of a hero who saves the day.It's just that,I know what it feels like to be alone and helpless,and I'm doing what I can to prevent other people from suffering (as much as possible) because truth is,when I'm down,I want someone to do the same for me. And doing that for others--well,it feels really good.

Okay,enough of that. I'm now going to tell you why I am thankful for everything.

First, because I have an amazing bunch of family and friends who don't get tired of trying to get along with me,even when my mood is rough and tangled to shreds.I really am a lucky girl,you know. My family does everything they can to be able to meet my needs. My friends..well,not all of them are always there but I always have someone to lean on to when times get hard.

Sure,I often have troubles and sacrifices to make,but I don't have the right to complain,because after everything is said and done,it's still a fairly beautiful life I have.I have a home to return to when it starts raining.I have food on my plate. I go to school. I am blessed.

You know how everyone keeps complaining about why a certain person looks better than them or is smarter or richer? It's all in the mind. If you open your eyes every morning and start your day with a smile, face the reflection on the mirror and tell her that she is beautiful,then you are beautiful. We are all only as beautiful as we think we are,remember that.now,if you yourself believe that you are not beautiful,then so will everyone.Sometimes,you have to assert yourself to be able to make people see who you really are. You have to stand in the middle and shout "this is me",and eventually,they will believe that that is really you,and you will gain what you deserve.

Love yourself. You are given everything to make use of it,don't waste your chance. You are a human being,just like everyone else in this world is.No matter what race,religion,complexion you are,no matter what language you speak,no matter who you hang out with,no matter what they say,no matter the circumstances. Even if you are sick,less abled,or financially unstable, even if you make strange choices. You are a child of the universe, and you belong here,together with all the others. You have the right to everything here, as much as all the people do. You are given something special,you just have to find it,then make the most of it, and you'll be good.

Drunk Tweeting....Is Not A Crime

I've been spending too much time staring at Ashley Greene's picture on the internet.I think I need to change a little.It's not healthy anymore.

Hello,I almost forgot to greet you.I guess you're expecting to read another crazy blog entry,noh?Well I don't know....You might be disappointed.

I'm here to talk about my drunken tweets last night.No,I was not drunk with alcohol,and I never will be.I just had a little too much Pepsi in my system...So I was very hyper.And when I woke up today and read my previous tweets,man.Did I really say those? See for yourself.

I have just eaten a drunk gummi bear.I'm totally including this moment in my fanfic.

Will I be considered religious if I worship you and the band?Monkeyism...

Rathbone-ism? What do you call the worshippers...Rathboners?

I suggested to everyone that instead of actually laughing out loud we should just say LOL so now we're all saying LOL.including Mimi's Dad.

SMOJCALANTC (Trust me,you wouldn't want to know what this means.)

@decodelala i miss yew more ohyeahbaby!

@decodelala i missh you too like mashed potatoes and where is @vickyvictoria10?

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10 heeeee we're complete like mashed potatoes!!!

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10I'm peeled. :D

@VickyVictoria10 @decodelala I changed my mind.I'm not a potato.I'm a banana. *hint hint* @TheFakeJAction

@TheFakeBenG If I promise to be a good girl,will you tweet me?

@decodelala LMAO we do we do!!Like dora the explorer we did it we did it yeah!

@TheFakeBenG I was hoping you'd say you love me. D:

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10 I'm drunkbroken.

*stabs a sword straight to my heart*

@LoveLoveLove715 LMAO I'm happier now than when I was a kid when I had the pencil case with the second floor.Hahaha 

Sooooo I was a little crazy,noh? But it's all good. *nods* I slept at 4:00 am, holy yellow Porsche,maybe that's why I'm still sleepy...and dizzy...and hungry.Oh well.

Tomorrow I have a plan to watch a movie with Ham,but I haven't told my grandmother about it yet.I'm still contemplating whether to tell her the truth or to spice up the story with a little...you know,a little convincing lie...But lying is bad so I'd just tell the truth. *Sigh*

That's it for now.I'll post a very deep and meaningful post when I want to. Hehe.

Tata! ;)