My Happy Ending ♥

I know that nobody's perfect,but this won't stop me from hoping that someday,someone who's perfect for me will come.He will be simple, loving, and a gentleman. He will have a great sense of humor and a tender heart that cares for others, and he will not,by any means, tell a lie just to impress me. Every time I'm with him, I will feel safe and fuzzy inside. We will be good together, and good for each other.

Someday,I will fall in love with the right person,at the right time,and for all the right reasons.And when that happens, I will not get so caught up in him that I will forget all the little things I love about myself, like my long,curly hair, the way I love laughing at the silliest things, and how I love spending some time alone. He will help me achieve my little goals every day (like doing something good for another person's benefit at least once a day, and be able to express myself through the smallest things), and support me in pursuing my grandest,craziest dream: to be a published author of a free style memoir.

I may not run into the person I deserve anytime soon,but that's okay. I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not in a hurry. I know the Prince Charming kind of guy is out there,and he is also looking for me.And when we do find each other,it will be real and wonderful and magical and just unbelievable. And I will know for sure that the long wait-and maybe even the heartbreaks that came with it-was totally worth it.♥
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Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life.

My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries,and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I should not seem a part of it. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath - a source of little visible delight, but necessary. I am Heathcliff - he's always, always in my mind - not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself - but as my own being.

 I've been reading Wuthering Heights all day and I still cannot find the will to put the book down.My head is still pounding-it has been aching and throbbing for days now but it doesn't compare to the pain in my chest.

It has been a month and two days. I'm starting to doubt that I can ever forget. What I wouldn't give to forget for even just a second. I wish it was that easy, but then again, this is life. Moreover, everybody dies sometime. Everybody gets left behind.

I am literally sighing as I type down this post. Perhaps, next year, I will look back to this day and laugh at myself. Perhaps I'll wonder why I am so down today,almost losing hope,clueless and scared of the future.Maybe it will all end happily. Maybe one day, I will be able to walk down the streets, good as new, as if I have never gone through something like this at all. Or maybe not.

I kind of made a promise to myself. I've been hurting a lot lately,and I think it's about time I make myself happy. The question is how? How do I make myself happy when as soon as the word happiness comes to mind,all my brain can produce is a very vivid scene of myself with a guy-a guy whose face I cannot see-together in a brightly lit room,feeling warm and cozy,sitting in an oriental rug,reading some novels by the fire. I can hear the crackling sound of the coals breaking as the heat consume them. I can feel his fingertips absentmindedly brushing against mine. The sound of the heavy pouring rain pelting the roofs is so real that I can almost touch it.

I guess I just have to wait,you know? Wait for time to actually mend everything that's broken. But no matter what happens, I will never wait for life. Death has been showing itself to me quite often these days- I have attended quite a lot of funerals, more than normal, if I should say so. Every time I see someone else part with a loved one for good, it breaks me. It breaks me cause I know how awful it feels to know that there is NOTHING you can do. Sometimes, it almost drives me crazy, knowing that it doesn't really matter if I cry all night. In the morning, he still will not be there, and the only thing that will change is that my eyes will appear puffier than they already are.

With that said, I just realized that nothing good really comes out of my grievance. It only annoys my friends who don't care enough and hurts the ones who do. So I'm letting go...Step by step, day by day, we will part until it's not so painful anymore. I will keep my head up,searching the skies for the brightest star,and I shall assume it is you,shining down on me. I will keep my head up and let the golden beams of sunlight kiss my face,and it shall be just as good as your lips brushing smoothly against my skin.

I shall love everything beautiful in this world, and it will be like loving you, and it will be like you are never gone at all.

I'll Never Let You Go

"Hey," Jasper greeted, holding me by the waist.

The sun was setting on the horizon, making the bay glisten like liquid silver. I squinted at the sight.

"Anything wrong?"

I shook my head,smiling. "It's all perfect. Too much glitter just hurts my eyes."

"I thought you loved sunsets."

"I do." I walked over to the edge of the yacht, enjoying the view. We were in Manila Bay, overlooking SM Mall of Asia, bordered by Roxas Boulevard. On the concrete pavement, kids were running, biking... Pairs of lovers were walking hand in hand, or sitting back to back, enjoying the moment, like we were.

"Are you still scared of going on cruise?" He suddenly looked worried, his eyebrows creased, his eyes searched mine.

"I'll be fine," I lied. I was scared of the ocean. "I think I'll manage."

"You know," he whispered, taking my hand, "it will be fun, we could sneak out on the bow and maybe re-enact that Titanic scene? I can be your Jack."

I smiled at that.Heck,I smiled at every little thing he said,no matter how senseless and shallow. It was always easy with him, I never had to be on my guard.

"And then you, Alice, should run around the ship wearing a long flowy night gown and seduce Jasper, and then you know what happens next," Emmett chuckled, bemused. I rolled my eyes at him.

Our food arrived and we ate dinner, excited for the cruise. We were wearin formal clothes, it was uncomfortable and too warm, but I did not complain. I was playing with Jasper's cellphone, tweeting.

I'm gay, I typed, and pressed the tweet button. That sent me to hysterics, leaving all my friends puzzled as to why I was laughing like mad. When Jasper saw what I just did, he caught me in his arms and started tickling me. We were frowned upon by my best friend, Bella.

"Could you guys act a little more decent?" She scoffed, then left us on the table. Edward mumbled an apology, which I answered with a smile.

~~~

"Have you taken your medicine yet?" Jasper asked, popping at the door of our cabin. Their cabin was right next to ours.

"Yes, Sir!" I straightened my posture, imitating a soldier with a salute.

"Good," he replied shortly. He patted the hem of my skirt, frowning. "Isn't this skirt a bit too short?"

"It's just right!" I argued, measuring the length of my navy blue skirt with my outstreched fingers. "See? Two inches above the knees. Standard size."

"Whatever you say." He shrugged, then walked off. I followed suit, thinking he was upset.

"Hey!" I called out, earning stares of annoyance from the other students on board, but they were the least of my priorities, so I continued anyway.

Jasper stopped abruptly, knocked on a cabin's door, and asked our classmate, Jehin, if we could talk in the cabin for a moment. She reluctatnly agreed, and he pulled me by the hand and closed the door.

"Are you okay?" I asked, pating his dimpled cheek twice. "Did you take your medicine?"

He was in medication, too. His heart, like mine, was weak, and he couldn't get very tired or things would turn out ugly. He nodded, flashing me a grin.

"Remember the Titanic promise?" He asked all of a sudden. I squinted my eyes at him, asking what he meant.

"Come on." He dragged me and we ran to the bow of the ship,where we were prohibited that night. We stood there, the wind blew my hair and he was behind me, our arms raised in the air like wings.

"You should say I am the King of the world!" I instructed him, but he just laughed at me.

"No," he said, chuckling. "That was Jack. Now, this is me."

He held my hand tight, then, on the top of his lungs, he shouted. "I am the luckiest jerk in the world!"

"That was so unromantic," I complained, pouting. "But that will do, I guess."

"Of course that will do," he agreed, smelling my hair. "You love me too much to argue."

"Someone's an airhead," I teased. "Let's go back inside. We're needed in the gallery."

The gallery is a cruise ship's kitchen. There you would find rows and rows of white plates, silverware, and all the other kitchen utensils you could ever think of. As we eneterd the gallery, everyone was already busy working.

"Brandon, Whitlock, late!" Mrs. Nunez scolded. We bowed down to say we were sorry, then proceeded to the sink where we washed the dishes in silence.

My hands were wrinkly because of the dishwashing paste, and I've got bubbles on my hair from all the work, when my back itched like crazy.

"Scratch my back!" I screeched at him. He just smirked then began itching my back.

"Poor little Alice, what would you do without me?"

"Don't say that!" I requested, suddenly scared. "You shouldn't say that unless you are planning on leaving me."

"Never," he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Promise."

"Promises are made to be broken, Jazz." Bella smirked, mopping the floor.


"You know me," Jasper answered. "I never break a word I say."

 "Prove it," she said, then walked away. I stared at my best friend's retreating figure, clueless as to why she was acting like that towards Jasper.

Jasper just shrugged at me when I told him about it. "She doesn't think anybody's good enough for you, that's all."

"Fine," I grumbled before walking off to the restaurant where the other passengers and patrons were beginning to head to, dressed to the nines.

~~~

Edward and Emmett were bartending and doing bar tricks, earning a lot of tips from the awestruck customers. Jasper was waiting on tables, so was I. Every once in a while, we stopped to talk, flirt a little, or just stare at each other. We finished our shift at 2 in the morning, and the ship arrived in Cebu at about 4 or 5. We were sent straight to Crown regency Towers where we just plopped ourselves on the bed and slept, because we were all dead tired.

I was awakened by the noise Bella made in the morning, rummaging through the room.

"Good morning," I greeted, my voice was still full of sleep. "Do you need help in turning this suite upside down?"

"No, you better hurry and get dressed," she answered seriously. "Our seminar is starting in an hour."

My eyes grew wide with horror. "Oh crap, I wouldn't be able to get ready in an hour!"

"I know right?"

I began zipping and unzipping my bags, fumbling for my things. I ended up in a pastel yellow colored dress and a black bolero thirty minutes later. Edward was waiting outside for Bella.

"Hey." I punched his shoulder lightly. "Where's Jasper?"

"I think you should wake him up." He answered seriously. "you know I'm not patient in waking people up."

"you're never patient, period." I giggled then made my way to their room.

Slants of sunshine were pouring in through the tall glass windows. He was peacefully sleeping but the rise and fall of his chest was not normal, so I sat by his side and began shaking him.

"Jasper? Jasper, wake up. you have to hurry up, our seminar is half an hour away."

No answer.

"Jasper, come on. You could sleep later..."

Something that sounded like a grunt came from his throat, and then that was it.

His breathing rapidly increased and then they were gone as soon as they came. I was screaming frantically for help, checking his pulse and his heartbeat,they were almost gone. After ten minutes or so, I heard a loud siren below and then it was a blur of arms and limbs being carried away.

I remember throwing in information, like what exactly happened, his heart disease, how old he was, what he ate last night, what time he went to bed, and so on and so off. I remember running fourteen flights of stairs because I was scared the elevators might fail and I would be stuck inside and I wouldn't be able to be there with him, for him.

I remember running after the stretcher he was on, being pushed and shoved by random paramedics, being shouted at. In the end, all I could do was sit there in the curb while the ambulance sped away. Everything seemed like the movies-slow motion,the skies were gray, and my best friend was there, rubbing my back.

~~~

That afternoon, I took the plane back to Manila. I didn't know where he was, or what his condition was. I was clutching my phone but I got no text messages, let alone a phone call. I was worried, but there was nothing I could do,so I went home.

When nighttime fell and everyone was dreaming beautiful dreams, I lay in bed feeling empty and lonely. I thought back on all the years we have spent together as friends, and I cried until I fell asleep. That night, I wished I'd dream about him, but I didn't.

The next morning, I got a message from his Mom informing me that he was admitted in the University Hospital. They specialize in heart ailments, and he was in the Intensive Care Unit. I immediately got dressed to pay him a visit.

When I arrived there,his Mom wrapped me in a hug. I gave her a wry smile, trying hard to appear strong for once. "How is he?"

She began sobbing, shaking. "The doctors said the only thing keeping him alive is the breathing apparatus..."

"Calm down," I said, but deep inside I was bleeding. The only thing keeping him alive is the breathing apparatus, that is bullshit! I pulled his Mom in for another hug. A tear trickled down my face, but I wiped it away simply, then pretended to smile and look strong.

"He'll be fine," I said. I did not know whether I said that to make her feel better, or was I just creating another illusion for myself?

~~~

I was wearing a horrible looking green hospital gown and a transparent plastic hair cover. He was lying there, on the bed, surrounded by all the white. There were no flowers,no colors.

"I wouldn't cry," I announced, as if I was having a very normal conversation with him under a very normal circumstance.

I walked nearer, each step was careful,as if somehow any heavy sound could hurt him. I held his hand...His fingernails were bluish. It took all of my strength not to break down and cry right then, right there.

"Hey..." I whispered. My voice cracked and I had to clear my thoat several times.My mouth felt so dry. "Wake up..."

Beep. Beep. Beep. His heart monitor was beeping regularly. It was the only noise besides my voice.

"I ate ice cream today," I informed him, rubbing little circles on his palm. "I ate two cones,one for you, and one for me..."

Beep.

"I know,I know you envy me...If you weren't such a jerk you could have accompanied me you know?"

Beep. Beep.

"I still can't believe that Tweety Bird is not a girl. Teletubbies were better though..."

Beep. Beep. Beep...

I lay my head on the bed, so that we were face to face. His eyes were completely closed shut, his lips were pale,so pale.

I ran my fingers through his hair carefully,as if it were some delicate piece of golden thread. The beeping sound continued, an insult to my injury. Each sound was another gash in my heavily wounded heart that would throb in pain forever.

"You said you would never leave me," I reminded him, squeezing his hand. "You're cheating..."

I stared at his face. It was just the two of us, living in silence. "Please fight... For me... For us..."

That was all it took for two drops of tears to form on his eyes, and then they raced towards the sides of his nose. His lips quivered, but that was all I got. I wiped his tears dry,ignoring my own tears that were starting to drown me.

"Can you hear me?" My voice was louder, rougher.

"Can you hear me? Wake up, wake up, you fool! You can't leave me like this..."

Fresh set of tears watered his pasty face, and I was sobbing hysterically when his Mom entered the room and helped me up. She was with his Dad, and another woman that I have only met now, and then a Doctor.

"This is Sienna, his step sister." His Mom introduced me to the woman, who acted indifferent,as if she couldn't care less.

The Doctor told me about his real condition. He used those hard to spell professional medical terms and all other stuff, but from what i understood, he was brain dead and his chances of survival were 1 out of 1000. If he ever did survive, he would have to have therapy, or he might have temporary amnesia due to the trauma it brought him to.

In short, they thought the best way out of this was to unplug the breathing apparatus...And end his misery.

It would end his life,too, and that I couldn't take.

"Please,no..."

I held on to his Mom for support. She was sobbing again, like I was.

His Dad was teary eyed. Sienna looked bored.

"His bills are sky high," she stated harshly. "If this goes on for long we might have to sell the car or the house or God knows what."

I looked at his Dad. He reamined silent,perhaps,contemplating on things.

"We're not even sure if he'd live," Sienna added.

"But there's still a chance that he would," i politely interrupted. She gave me a cold, hard glare. "Please..."

"Fine," she muttered. "One week. If he doesn't wake up in a week, we'll give it up,okay? I hate seeing him like this."

After the doctor performed some tests and stuff, they all went out and again,I was alone with him.

I planted a kiss on the top of his head. "Please wake up soon... Keep your promise..."

As soon as the door clicked shut behind me,I couldn't help but be scared, because promises are made to be broken.

Cause The Last Time I Felt Like This,I Was Falling In Love...

I'm just so freaking tired tonight.I wanna sleep!

Have you ever had that one person you could tell anything to,and would never judge you in any way?I do now,and I feel so blessed.

I just got an e-mail from Yasmina,my best friend online.I will change that "best friend online" stuff someday,I swear. She'd be more than that to me,I mean we'll be best friends in reality.Best friends who meet and talk and stuff,not behind computer screens.This I promise myself.

Anyway,so yeah I got an e-mail from her and I'm now as lonely as she said she felt like she made me feel.Haha try to figure that sentence out.Well,I was not SO miserable these past few days,but she kind of feels guilty for not being always here to talk.It's fine though,I know she has to live her own life every once in a while.And I am busy too.

I think we're fine.We're never the type of best friends who talk everyday on Twitter and stuff,and that's what makes us special.We never run out of things to talk about when we do talk.We prefer e-mails,anyway. We're cool like that.

Okay,enough of that.I'm actually going to study tonight,then,after our classes tomorrow,I'll be having a road trip with my friends in motorbikes.Yep,with C,of course.Now...Have you read Sexy Pool Boy? haha..Just kidding.

I wanna see The Inception.I've seen Cinco and it was creepy.It won't get out of my head.Creepy and gory,to be honest.I had to try my best to not throw up in the cinema.Thankfully,I succeeded.Note to self: never watch a horror movie alone,you fool.

I don't know how I am feeling right now.I'm really confused...Because love is a strange thing,you know?I don't quite know if it's safe to call it love cause I might be wrong...And I'm really,really scared.Maybe I shouldn't worry about it too much,but I can't help it.What if this is the chance I have been waiting for,and then I just let it pass?Agggh.I simply don't understand myself.

But last night,I was fully awake when I was supposed to be sleeping,just thinking about it.Smiling. Under my blanket. This is so weird...

Can This Be Love?

 Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I love the feeling it’s giving me now…

At night, I toss and turn, thinking about him, his smile, studying his face in my memory. Do I remember his face right? Is the cute dimpled cheek on the left? Or should that be on the right? I browse my phone, reading and rereading his messages, looking for clues, hidden meanings, or just reading them to make me smile. It never fails. He gives me sleepless nights.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I am not sure of this feeling somehow…

When I see him, it’s like what happens in the movies. Everything stops, if only for a minute, and our surroundings are a blur. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world, just us two. But when he passes by and smiles, I don’t know what to do. Shall I smile back, say hi? He makes me nervous whenever he’s around. I feel self conscious, as if his eyes are only for me. Somehow, I am happy, and scared, too. If he holds out his hand, shall I put my heart in it and trust him not to break it? When that smile breaks on his face, I feel like everything is possible. I feel like I can do anything… I will do everything, just to see him smiling.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? The voce inside me is guiding me now…

It’s telling me now to take his hands… When I hear his voice, I tremble inside. My heart fills immediately with inexplicable joy, it forgets about all the burdens. It tells me to take the chance and fall, even though I might not land back safely in his arms. What is this I’m feeling? Can this be love? Just the mere sound of his name blown by the wind to my thoughts is an intricately weaved lullaby, luring me to keep my eyes close and dream. It makes me feel peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong. If I take the risk and shut my mind down, I’m his. I’m his, to make or break, and try as I might, I just couldn’t tell myself otherwise.

Find Me Again

Good evening...

Half an hour ago, I decided to turn in early as I am not feeling well. But the moment I closed my eyes, this line just popped into my mind, out of nowhere. That is FIND ME AGAIN.

I don't know where I got it. Maybe I've been watching too much Korean dramas or reading way too many romance novels (I love you, Nicholas Sparks), but either way, it lead me to this realization, that once in my life, someone found me. I was astray, but he lead me home. I tried to ignore this inkling feeling to write, believe me, I did, I even made a compromise with myself, that I will blog it down first thing tomorrow morning, just not now cause I'm really tired, spent, wasted.... Whatever you want to call it. But here I am. I ended up sighing and giving in, because if I let these emotions go, they might not be the same tomorrow. That was one thing I learned from him.

Back to those days, when I was young and naive (I still am, but I improved a little. Or maybe that's what I like to think.), I was a crumpled piece of paper. There's this someone who kept on shaping and misshaping me as he pleased, trying to make me be who he wanted me to be. As I have said, I was young and naive, maybe even stupid,  and I thought I was in love so I let him dictate where my life should be headed, because when you love someone, you feel happy even with the slightest glance. Even when he treats you like crap.

It was not a good relationship, and after my heart broke enough, he threw me away like trash. Now, looking back, I feel like if I had been there watching my stupidity, I would have slapped my younger self in the face and tell her that love is not as simple as I made it out to be.

That was when the other one found me. You see, after I was thrown, carried away by the wind, he picked me up and told me that I was worth so much more. We met in April, and until now, thinking of it, what we had was what you would call a summer fling. There were problems that lay along the way, but when you feel the way I felt about him, I swear you would have no fears too, like I didn't. I was secure.

We began hanging out on May 6, this I clearly remember, because the excitement of dating for real for the first time rendered me sleepless for a few nights. He was kind hearted and easy to talk to, and believe it or not, I fell for him every single day. He had the ability to make me believe that I was somehow beautiful, and he didn't just say it; he showed it, too.

He was my first love, and when I told him that I loved him, I meant it more than I let him see. I did everything for him, like he did everything for me, and everything felt so perfect. I was literally sitting atop a cloud those day, those few months that I was with him. But what we had-it was never official.It was something special that only we could see, and we were a couple, but what kind of couple, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that I loved him, and I was living in a bubble where he was a Prince, and I was a Princess, and every love song ever made was written for the two of us.

What I didn't know was that bubbles tend to pop easily. One innocent argument grew to be two, until they multiplied before my very eyes, and one day, I woke up by reality's side. It was the 6th of August when he said goodbye. Again, this I clearly remember, because it was a beautiful and rainy afternoon, just two days before our Acquaintance Party. I was on my way home when he told me that he didn't feel the same for me anymore, just when I was about to apologize for not letting my real emotions flood through. It was the worst day of my life, my lips were quivering, and all I wanted to do was cry, but I couldn't, because I was on a passenger jeepney.

It took me more than a year to get over him. Not completely, because on the back of my mind I know that once I love someone, there's no turning back. No matter how much pain I've gone through because of them, there will still be a little space in my heart where they would reside forever. It was not easy, the first few months that I tried living without him. I forced myself to forget immediately, but because it was all so special, it was not easy. It was never easy, it never would be.

The day after he walked out of my life was the hardest. I woke up pinching myself, hoping it was all a dream, and it wasn't. And I was almost suicidal. My days were like an empty pit, and as time flew by, it got more hollow and it seemed to get darker. It was embarrassing to sit in a corner in my classroom and cry, with my classmates thinking they did something that upset me, but I did anyway. There was this one guy in school who had the same name as his, and I swear every single time he walked by and his mates called him, my head would jerk up automatically in response, hoping against hope that it was the guy I was longing for.

If all the love songs seemed to be written for us when we were together, all the heartbreak songs tore my heart a little bit more as I struggled to continue living without him. I used to have sleepless nights thinking what might have happened if he knew how strongly I felt for him. I used to regret not saying all the words that I kept within me, when they could have been my saving grace. My friends would always look at me with pity back then, because all they could read in my eyes was sorrow. They were puffy and red, and I was tired.

It took me so long to partially realize that our destinies were etched in the stars, and that stars have the tendency to explode and fall. I wrote my first name with his last, now, I don't have any idea where I put the paper.

Still, there are times when I'd stare at the stars and make a wish for someone I deserve to find me again...

Dancing Along The Lines

There's something about the rain...

I spent a lot of time being miserable. It's like misery is an old friend. It tricks us sometimes into thinking that it's always going to be there, that we can't be happy. But we can. We can walk away from pain. And I think the best way to do that is to believe in ourselves that we are somehow worth something. It's not important to be everything, you know. Being something alone is quite an achievement.

Do you know why we become miserable? I think it's because we are always not contented with what we have. We always strive to have more, to be more. Greed consumes humanity... I should know. I myself can be selfish at times.

It is not a secret how I love shopping and owning fancy things. I think we all have that in us. Problem is, the more I have, the more I want. Having a burning passion for something sometimes ends up to a competition, if not with one's self, with others who share the same passion. It can be dangerous because as human beings, we have this drive to prove to everybody that no one else is better. Why, I really don't know, perhaps because of the promise that succes comes with people looking up to you because you have something they want or need. That's human nature.

It might be hard to understand, but I believe all this roots from one simple thing-our desire to be admired, to have somewhere to belong, to have someone believe in us, look at us and never look away. I really can't generalize, I can only speak for myself, and it's true that having someone's entire attention focused on me is flattering. It's so good that I might even go as far as saying basking in someone's attention is like dancing in the rain. It makes me giddy, happy, and free to be me.

Sometimes, I just need someone to be there for me. I need to go to someone just to hear them say I'm beautiful, cause it makes me feel better. But sometimes, no matter how many times they call me beautiful, I don't want to hear it....unless it's from him. <3

Tell Me, What About Us?

I'm crying right now because of this song. Perhaps listening to it while it's raining and I'm lonely was not the best idea after all.

Well....I just want to be in love again. I guess I'm in love with the idea of being in love, but trust me. This is more than flowers and late night phone calls. This is more than holding hands in theaters, or cuddling up while rain pours outside. This is more than anniversaries and long walks in the shore. This has something to do with knowing you're not alone. That someone will be there to hold your hand when you have to get a tooth pulled out of your face. It's the feeling of knowing that someone genuinely cares, whether you like it or not.

Nothing's wrong with being single, I mean, I actually enjoy the freedom most of the time. But there also comes a time when I just want to receive a text message from someone special, asking about my day, about how I feel at a given situation...Somebody to share my craziness with, and in spite of it all, I know he'll see me through.

It's just hard to find guys like that nowadays. Yesterday, my tweets were peppered with the hashtag #iwantaboy, then I ended up being lonely. It's just that, when you have had something so precious and you let it slip away, leaving you gashed and wounded, and scared of falling again because you don't know if it would be as special as the previous one, because you are wondering if anything could be better than the best. That's what I'm feeling like right now.

Anyway, I'm not like rushing or anything. I can handle myself. I'm so used to watching movies alone, that is my hobby, and I really don't think it bothers me to see happy couples walking hand in hand. It just brings back memories I'd rather forget. There's this empty hollow hole in my heart that only love can fill.

In the mean time, I think I'm stuck in spending my life with my awesome friends. I'm thankful for having them in my life. They make me forget everything that scares me, every dream that did not come true, and every single heartbreak.

I'm willing to wait for that guy who will sweep me off my feet. He, who will twirl me around even when there's no music. He who will kiss me in the rain. He who will ditch game night just so he could go stargazing with me. He who is not perfect, but will always strive to be the best version of himself, not only for me, but for everyone around him.

He who will make me smile to myself and sigh even when no one else is around. <3

The Worst Way

They say the worst way to miss someone is when you're right beside him,and yet you can't have him.

I once laughed and asked, how could you miss someone when he's right beside you? To me,that sounded silly. Because back then,everything was simple.

Back then, I never had any reason to miss anyone when they are sitting inches away from me.All the gaps could be bridged by a hug,or a simple conversation.I've never dreamed this would ever happen to me.

The moon...It's so beautiful tonight, especially because I'm watching it from this shore. Memories are tricky. I could do with less of them,but tonight,they're here,flooding my mind, reminding me of what I have left behind.

There was that one time you twirled me around in your "boys only" cabin. There was a sign at the door saying "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" in your sloppy handwriting,but you let me in. And then the afternoon we chased each other in the rain. You might think things like these have walked past my memory, but the simplest of things can be the most deceiving sometimes. I still remember the two of us locked in the basement because our friends thought it was the best way for us to talk things out. And the image of you twirling my hair around your finger is still my favorite scene to replay on my mind,because of the gentle way you smiled and closed your eyes.Sometimes,I'd still think I hear your voice calling my name,the sweetest sound I've ever heard,then I would learn that my mind was yet again playing tricks on me.

The bottomline? I miss you. I miss everything about you, but that was because you were gone,and I left you.That was because these memories are hunting me,in my dreams,or even when I am wide awake.Still,I taught myself how to get over it all-your smile,the way you poke my noise right after every...conversation,and those occassional moments we lay our feet flat against each other,just to see if they,too,like our hands,were made to fit each other perfectly.

They say the worst way to miss someone is when you're right beside him,and yet you can't have him.

A tear falls,unnoticed,and the moon is my only witness.I sob as silently as I could,and thankfully enough,my cries are drowned with the sound of the waves curling on the shore.

Right here,watching you watching the ocean,glittering like liquid silver as moon beams shine on the surface,I miss you.

You sit there beside her,where I could have been,and all I can do is watch you from afar,cause right now,that's all I can do.

And now I know,I'm missing you.In the worst possible way.

Tangled Faith,Twisted Fate

I need a hug just about now. What I'm feeling now is what I am supposed to feel when someone says goodbye and I know for sure that they are not coming back, no matter what.

I should be asking questions. I should be asking why, just when we all think we have someone for good, they'd shut the door right behind them, and leave you crying in the middle of the night.

Pain is tricky. It used to make me feel like I'm the most unfortunate person on Earth. Now, I've got it all. So after crying it all out, I'm smiling again, trying to convince myself that tomorrow, I'll be fine, although I know a lot better than to believe my own lies.

Of course,it hurts. It's all so sudden that for a moment,I went on rubbing my eyes, pinching myself, convinced that it was all a bad dream, but I was awake. I was in reality, and how I detest reality.

Love is just a cycle. I've taught myself how to move on long before all of this even began,that's why I'm not at all bad now.It's okay, because I understand that maybe it was the right love at the wrong time,or maybe we were just trying too hard.I knew all along that this was too good to be true,much like you were to me.Someone like you exists only in my dreams, and maybe, I was asleep the whole time, and now I have to wake up.

Or maybe it was just me being tired of this redundant cycle of love. You know, happy,sad, happy,sad, hello, goodbye. It always boils down to goodbye, because people always make me choose between love or friendship. If you were smart enough,you would have known that I would never want to choose. You would have known that nothing tops family and friends,even if I have already fallen for you. If you were smart enough,you would have known better than to unclip my wings,because suffocation and possibility of pain always make me take the nearest exit out.

But I love you...Do you know that? Do you even care? I love you, and I will always do... But I am tired...Don't believe them when they say true love doesn't get tired. Even machines need to take breaks every once in a while,what more an ordinary human heart that bleeds everytime a wrong word is said?

I don't know what happens next. Maybe I'll have to paint on that smile and as per usual,make myself believe that there is nothing missing..

Truth Was Injected In The Cliche

When you love someone as much as I love Alice, it wouldn't matter if she's causing you pain. It wouldn't matter if you know you're waiting for nothing. When you really love someone, Edward, you'll wait. Even if it takes forever.

 -Jasper Whitlock in The Day You Said Goodnight (FF)

I've just finished writing this chapter for my fanfiction, and I initially thought I was making Jasper too sappy or too much like a loser, but then I realized the truth in his words (that I invented).

It may sound like a cliche, like it came out of a movie character's lips, but that's reality. If you really love someone, you'd be willing to wait for them, even if it means pushing your own happiness aside, you would, just so you could cater to the wishes of the person you love.

Waiting, I know, is not one of my talents. When God showered the world with patience, I was hiding under a roof, so nothing rubbed off on me. You could ask anyone about my patience, and their answer, I'm pretty sure, would be that it is non-existent.

This is why the very minute I finished typing that line, I confronted myself: if I was ever put in the same situation, would I have said the same thing? Truth is, I don't know. I don't know if I would be patient enough to wait for love with no assurance. I've always been impulsive, jumping and falling without knowing what's waiting down below has never been a problem to me. I am a risk taker, but when that risk involves possible emotional pain, I back out.

Funny how it seems, a strog girl like me who could endure endless (no, just kidding) physical pain would chicken out when it comes to love. I am well aware that love itself is a risk, but I have the tendency to be depressed for days just because of one flicker of emotional pain. Maybe that's why none of my past relationships worked. I like being committed and having someone there, but as soon as insecurity strikes, I quit.

I wish I could change myself, but as much as I want to, I wouldn't. Maybe this would sound selfish, but doesn't it feel great to have someone who loves you for exactly who you are?

For once, I have waited, and I was right.

There's someone in this world who's looking for me--for the girl that is me exactly. No conditions, no additions, no subtractions. Just the plain old little me. And that, I could say, is totally worth the wait.

Walking Away,I'll Be Seeing You Through A Satellite

I was headed home from the movie theater when you called.

"I need you here."
That was what you said.Your voice held a tone of urgency,so without seconds thoughts,I rushed back to your house.

When I arrived and rang the door bell,your house helper answered me by the gate.Except for her,the house was empty.

"Where is he?" I asked,a little annoyed that you might be toying around with me.

She told me that you informed her that you were going for a walk in the abandoned subdivision, Green Meadows.I asked her if she thought you were serious,she nodded.

I was worried.The abandoned subdivision?Green Meadows?What were you thinking?Still,I hired a tricycle to take me there.I was scared,not for myself,but for you.Yes,I know what loneliness does to you.

I was frantically calling your phone,but it just kept ringing.I got no answer.

When the tricycle dropped me off by the front gate,which was rusty and old,by the way,and it made an ugly screeching noise when I pushed it open,I looked around in hopes that I would see you,but I didn't.So,wearing my uncomfortable plaid peep toe flats,I made my way pass the tall swaying trees of pine,following the narrow dirt path that was drawn among the grass.It was a long walk before I saw you.

You were sat on the grass,facing the scattered patches of wildflowers that bloom only in Summer.The orange glow of the sunset illuminated that sad look upon your face.It made your sadness so distinct that I felt a fang of guilt crawl through my veins as I sat beside you.

Without looking at you,I spoke. "Will you tell me about it...Or do I have to guess?"

You sighed.That question held some significance to our friendship.We never force information out of each other.That was what we always used to ask,to find out what was wrong.

Silence.It used to be so comfortable,but a lot has changed in the last two years.If not for the same old girl's reflection in the mirror that glances back at me every time,I would believe we have entirely lost what we used to be.

You continued staring at the dancing flowers.There was a warm and gentle breeze.If it had not been you and I,I would say it was romantic.

As your thoughts carried you to a world of your own,I slightly turned my head to secretly stare at you.For the first time,I saw what you've been hiding all those times.I saw your burning ache to call me your own,and to feel that you belong to me.I saw someone who wanted so bad to be mine,hiding behind the facade of the same guy that was mine in an entirely different light.

"I'm sorry if I worried you."

You said that.It was the first time you've ever been sorry.You used to annoy me,pull pranks on me and purposefully make me cry,and not once did I ever hear you say you were sorry,even when I demanded it from you.

I frowned,it was my turn to fool you. "I got blisters on my feet for walking all the way here."

Instead of what I was expecting,I was surprised when you pulled my shins up to get a hold of my feet.One after the other,gently,you removed my shoes.

"I know I'm also causing you pain.I read your blog last night.I'm sorry for being selfish."

"Don't be." I answered. "As much as I want to say I hate you,you could probably see how deeply I care about you."

You nodded,with that immeasurable amount of pain showing in your forced smile.I wanted to look away.I could never bear to see you in pain.Instead,I closed my eyes.

Darkness and light fought for dominance when you asked me to stay for a while.I was supposed to be going home,but I didn't voice it out.If staying for a little while longer was the least I could to to ease the pain a bit,it was my responsibility to never say no.

I still do not know how long we sat in silence.I was a little surprised to see the stars the moment you got up and took my hand in yours.

Reluctantly,I stood up,dusting my pink summer dress before  I turned and saw the shadow of what used to be your sweetest smile.I should know--it was one of my favorite things in the world.

You touched the crest of my choker,beaming as I sheepishly blushed.I once told you that whenever I'm wearing it,good things happen.

You pulled something out of your side pocket.The night was clear enough for me to recognize what it was.An orange ribbon-the one you pulled out of my hair when I stole your favorite cap a year ago.Only now,it was adorned with beautiful little flowers from your Mom's garden.They were the ones I used to pick when she wasn't looking--orchids and baby's breaths.

Delicately,you tied it on what I used to call "something close to a ribbon knot" on my wrist.I stifled my laughter as you tried hard to tie it--we both know how you really couldn't make a ribbon.It was not one of your talents.

You put my hands around your shoulders.You kept yours protectively on my waist.To the sound of the humming crickets and the birds weaving a lullaby,with you in your faded bermuda shorts,while I was on my bare feet,with the breezy night as our only witness,slowly,under the stars,we danced.

That was when I realized it:
Whenever you want to,without intending to do so,you could always make me forget how badly I want to forget you.

I kept my gaze away from your eyes,it was getting way dramatic than originally planned.

To my utter amazement,you pulled me in an embrace suddenly,and I didn't have the heart to pull away.All that mattered to me was that you felt better.All things other than that simply hold no interest for me.

Without meaning for them to,tears streaked down my cheeks.You were crying secretly,and it broke my heart when you hugged me even tighter.It was like you wouldn't ever let go.

"I love you,you know that..."

I nodded,even though it was not really a question that needed an answer.

"I know this would be so hard.This would hurt...And there would come a day when I would wish I just died..."

You hesitated,and I began sobbing.My tears pooled a darker spot on your shirt.I've held them back for as long as I could remember.I knew where it was leading to,but I waited for you to continue.

"I'm letting you go..." You whispered.I felt your lips tremble against my ear,followed by your sudden outburst of emotions.I saw you cry once,twice,maybe three times...But not with that intensity.Not with that resigned and pained expression on your face that made me want to blame myself for not feeling the same.

I pulled away so that I could look at you.Smiling,but still crying and torn apart,I spoke.

"Thank you..." I was still shaking with tears so I covered my face with my hands. "Thank you..."

The long drive home was silent.You kept your eyes on the road while I watched the lights flicker by and blur as we drove past them.

I mumbled my last goodbye as I stepped out of your car.For the last time,too,you held the door open for me.I stood by the road as you sped away from me.I don't know if you noticed but I waved goodbye to you,to your car...It was the last time I'd ever be there.

Part of me is grateful and relieved that you finally found the courage to move on and start looking for the love that you truly deserve to have.

Part of me is thinking of what might have been if things turned out differently...if I happened to feel like you do...We would have been happy.

There's a lump in my throat,I still couldn't speak.We used to be inseparable.

Part of me is in grief,mourning at the thought that I have just lost you.

I Can't Find The Words To Say Goodbye

Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past.Knowing that my heart will break, but at least the pain will last...

How do you describe pain?Pain...I grew fond of blurting out the word whenever I'm in actual pain.Because nothing could ever define pain if not pain itself.

It's that undesirable feeling you have when you see him with the wrong one,knowing you're the right one.It's the fang of twisted emotions that feels like a thousand shattered pieces of broken glass are being injected into your chest.It's the destruction.It's the hopelessness.It's defeat.

It's hard for me to put pain into words now.If I am a good blogger then I should be able to write something that could make you feel pain,as if it is emanating from this entry.But what I'm feeling now is not pain.It's longing...It's regret.It's wishing for a second chance to bring the things back to how they were when it was all so simple.Now,I can't even look at myself without disdain.Cause I have hurt him.Again.

It has been two years since our friendship walked the long and winding road.You see---there are some things that are meant to be good and feel great,but you should know your limits.It's like riding a bus...It's fun,seeing the countryside,but you should know that at some point,you'd get off at a station,cause that is all you could afford.

What am I talking about? Friendship.Love.Pain.Someone wanted more than the other could give...And so it dwindled,while all I could do was sit back and watch.

Seriously...If you were in my place,would you have done otherwise?Would you have chosen to lie and say you felt the same way,or would you have gone straight out and tell it to his face that you just didn't like him?I didn't do either...And that made it worse.

Apparently,when you are given two choices,you have no choice but to choose.Even if it would end up hurting you,or whoever it is involved.Even if it meant suicide.Because choosing not to choose is not one of the options.I was so wrong.It killed me.It killed him.Because it put an end to the great friendship that used to be ours.

I hope he'd understand that I am hurting too.Had I chosen to lie to him and pretend...That would be like hell.I could have acted good enough to convince him that all was well,but how would my conscience be able to handle all the guilt if I did?All I wanted was friendship.That's all I could give him...


Had I chosen to say I didn't feel the same...What would become of me?I used to feel like I could never live without him,and if I told him that I could never be what he wanted me to be,he would have walked out of my life right there,right then.And I could never live with that.

I was selfish enough to keep him waiting for so long.Two years--I had been in a relationship with someone else,and he and I remained friends,all the while he was hoping that someday it would be the right time for us.I was selfish enough to unintentionally lead him on.I was selfish enough to never see his heart breaking everytime I tell him how happy I was.I was selfish.He'd had enough.

Recently,we talked.He asked me how long would he still have to wait,and I was shocked.I didn't know he was waiting all along.It was only then that I realized how he must have taken my actions seriously--like how he would close his eyes everytime I leaned my head on his chest,how he would unconsciously stare at my hand when I casually put it on his knee.Those things didn't mean anything to me in a romantic way.I now realize,to him,they did.

That's why I feel bad.All these times,he'd been keeping his hopes up,and I had no intentions of being someone to him other than a friend.In my own desperate way of striving hard to keep him in my life,I've ruined him.Because I didn't want to hurt him,I've hurt him.

I could have been a better person,if not a better friend.I wanted to shield him from his own pain.Turns out,I was causing that pain.I wish there's somehow a way to turn all this around.I wish I could take away all the things that make him die inside.

If only it could be done,I'd do it for sure... :(

The Power of fake J-Action

So....If you know me well enough you would never even bother reading this post,cause the picture pretty much says it all.

MONROE JACKSON effing RATHBONE.Tweeted.Me.*dies*

*lives again to write*Yes.He now has a Twitter account and he is so nice to his fans.He and his band mates  are.They reply to fans likeee....no big deal.When in fact it is a big deal--a very big big deal.

Yesh.I woke up this morning and found out that he was tweeting (he still is) and that he tweeted Vicky and Louise.For a moment my brain couldn't function well.My head was clouded with jealousy.But then I told myself that those girls are my sisters,then immediately I was happy for them ^^.

In my desperation I asked him when he will tweet me and make my life complete.To my utter surprise and unfathomable joy,he replied.And yesh baby,my life is now complete.Dear G-d,I can die now...although I'd rather not. ;)

I know I promised myself that I'd go to the bank today but...I don't know anymore.I'm in a daze and that's not a good sign,right?I mean what if I faint and there's no one to save me?!!

Am I exaggerating?

Yes?

Okay.I'm going to the bank.Although I'd really rather not.

I'm going now...

Bye....

*Looks back* I'm  going....


Uhm....Aren't you going to stop me or something?

Can You Keep A Secret?

I think I've done something great today.I feel so fulfilled but there's a catch: I can't tell you about it yet.I have to shut my mouth for at least two more weeks before I could blurt it out.I don't think I could hold it that long.

You see,I am so excited.And when I am excited,I could NEVER just cower in a corner and shut up about it--that's why I'm blogging now,to keep myself busy.To forget about how my hands are itching to buzz that person involved and spill the secret.

Still...I can't bring myself to fully concentrate on not telling the secret.I'm at the edge of my sanity.I need to keep it all in...But how? *insert confused evil laugh here*

I really want to say more but my hands are so shaking right now because my monkey man just opened up a Twitter account and I could not contain my excitement that I forgot all about the secret.Bye!

When Will I Feel The Magic In The Air?

If nothing lasts forever,will you be my nothing?

That's just so corny,I know,I know...But I've been waiting for months now,where is he?Why isn't he here yet...?What's taking him so long to find me?

I sound desperate,don't I?Well,I am desperate.I'm at wit's end.When I broke up with my last boyfriend,I felt free--I would never deny that.It's like I've been suffocated for so long,then finally the strangler let go of my neck,letting me breathe again for the first time.I thought I would be happy,but now that I am free...I guess I might have been wrong.

We always have our regrets,don't we?I don't regret breaking up with him--I still think it's the wisest decision I've ever made.But I was wrong for thinking living without love would be as easy as breathing.You see,I've been in a relationship for two years--that was something really serious,and it got me addicted.Being in love is like a drug,even if it's slowly killing you,you'd get hooked somehow.That's what happened to me.

Now that I'm single (for 6 months,I guess?),I really miss having someone to lean on to when things are bad.I miss having someone to talk to on late nights,abut the most trivial of things that don't make sense at all.For once,I'm seeing how love has brought color to my life.And now that everything is dull and lifeless,I just want to have someone who would be willing to listen to me rant about my frustrations,wipe my tears dry,shush me and assure me that it will all work out fine.I want someone here,beside me,lying on the grass,gazing at the stars,tying our handkerchiefs in knots as we whisper our wishes,watching a meteor shower on the coldest and darkest of nights.

You know what I'm talking about,right?I've always said that life could be so lonely at times,and I do not want to take it for granted,but in times like this,all I really need is love.

Call me a hopeless romantic,I don't care.I just want to have that feeling back.

Those moments when the radio would play "Today Was A Fairytale" and I would instantly have that idiotic grin on my face,while my daydreams take me to wherever he is,also dreaming of me.♥

Betrayed by Yesterday

It's funny how we think someone's perfect when we're in love.We see past the flaws,we try hard to believe every single lie.And when it's over,that's when we'll find ourselves asking "Why did I ever love him?".

I guess what they say about love being blind is true.

There was this one time when I was so in love with this person (who,after reading this,will probably assume that I wrote about him;he is that self centered) that I did not even notice how I was losing myself piece by piece in the process.The thing is,when you are (I am) in love,you put yourself last in your line of priorities.It's always the other person's feelings and views and needs that matter first.What you don't know is that while you were busy trying hard to be what he wanted you to be,the real you was falling slowly apart.

We will never realize how blinded love has made us until it is actually over.It's like a mural.You will only see the bigger picture once you take a step back as if you are actually watching it from a distance.Only then will you see what was really happening while you were unaware,poking your head in the love clouds.

As for me,I feel like yesterday betrayed me.I know though,that it really wasn't the past's fault,but it was that girl who used to be me's fault.That was my yesterday.I hate it that she let herself be changed,therefore here I am now,feeling bad for my naivety.

I would never regret falling in love...But I would always feel bad for falling in love with the wrong person,at the wrong time.

Try

I think I have a problem.I think I think too much.I've been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them,but you make pain into something I could touch.

I think I'm better off without you here.I bet you're sweet and hard to get over.So I'll cry,and people will stop and stare.Now,that's okay.Let them stop and stare because I'm fragile,and I'm hopeless,and I'm not perfect,but I'm free.

I think it might have gone a little too deep.The feeling sank in,tossed nearer by the current.I think I'm drowning and I'm running out of breath,but I can't just wake up and run away from death,for I am consumed.I am doomed.I am drowning in love for you,and I don't know how to swim.But you wouldn't save me...

I think I might be worth it...I think we should try.But how could we,if every time we do,it all boils down to goodbye?I think I want to hold your hand,and hold it all my life.I think wishful thinking makes me bleed,it cuts me like a knife.But I know I can endure the pain if it means that you'll be there.I don't want to miss my chance on this life that we could share.

I think I should just let you go if I am to be happy.But happiness means nothing if you're not here with me.Call me foolish,a hopeless romantic,but that's my only wish.I feel like thin air bubbles,floating in your breeze.I know now this love is something I can't deny.So in your arms,please hold me tight,and promise me we'll try.

Jackson Rathbone Ate A Maggot

So Jackson ate a maggot...And when he looked at the camera and smiled, I was like, "what's my name again?". I love him to death. Ohmygollygosh. He is so HOTTT!I think I need a bottle of Coke now.I'm hyperventilating.

Whiny Wednesday.

Today hasn't been so good to me. I had a bad day. I was cranky and moody, and people kept getting on my way.

First, on my way to school, I saw this group of little girls who appeared to be beggars walking on the street. They had no slippers on, and it was a very hot day so I supposed their feet must be hurting, walking on the pavement. A woman was following them, she was on a bicycle. In my assessment, she was the mother. As I have said, their feet must be hurting because of the pavement, so they stopped walking for a moment to rest under a tree's shade. As soon as they stopped, though, the woman hit a girl right smack on her head. The catch? The girl couldn't be older than five. She was crying, and I was fuming mad. So I politely asked the jeepney driver to stop, I'd get off and maybe do what I can to at least comfort the poor girl, but he didn't listen. He said I'd only get myself in trouble. The incident bugged me all morning. I was so guilty. I had the chance to help, but I didn't do anything. I felt horrible.

Still, I went to attend my classes, surfing the internet whenever I had the chance. I expected to feel better, since reconnecting with my friends has always been a good way to brighten up my day. What happened was the opposite. I logged in on Facebook, and received a notification that a friend commented on my status. It was K, I will not mention his name, I respect him, he's like a big brother to me and I don't want to change that. So yes, he posted a comment on my status, which was about the 11 digit cellphone numbers here. He kept insisting that it is only 10, and I kept arguing that it is actually 11.

In easy words, we, like...fought (?) over a petty issue, and I didn't (and still don't) have any intentions of submitting to him. I was really pissed because I live here in the Philippines, I have a cellphone, and my cellphone number consists of 11 digits. He kept on saying that the 0 should not be included since it will still work without it. Here is my VALID POINT: even if you could omit the 0, we don't usually do that here, do we? So that still means that we have 11 digit cellphone numbers. He didn't get that. Or maybe he just didn't want to accept that I'm right. You see, almost all the time he goes on correcting me, my grammar, my spelling mistakes--which were obviously just typo. I really don't want to be mad at him, but this issue is driving me insane. I'm tired of that attitude. My classmates often do that to me, so do my teachers. I don't need another king, thank you very much. I just don't get why he acts like that. It's really annoying at times, not to mention offensive. Parang gusto nya sya na lang lagi yung tama without even considering what I was trying to say. Nakakainis yung ganun di ba? Ipinipilit pa nya na 10 digits lang, eh 11 naman talaga. Hello? My cellphone number is 0906-xxx-xxxx. Please try to count that. At putang ina naman, wag mong tanggalin yung 0 kasi ginagamit nga yan dito!!! Ano ka ba???? Nagpapaka-matalino ka tapos hindi mo yan makuha?! Ang simple lang naman di ba?!

So yeah. I went back to school with a sigh. And then this jerk who kissed my best friend approached me and strummed a guitar and sang to me. Made my day better? No. It made my day worse, and I felt like exploding. Leche. Tuesday used to be my least liked day but this day is making its way on top of the chart.

And then there's Creative Writing. I walked to the studio to find that no one was there yet. I arrived exactly on time. I still can't understand why all the people seemed inconsiderate today. I walked two miles so that I won't be too early because I hate waiting, or too late because it's not a good habit to make others wait, but that's what they did to me. I tried to overlook that, though, and even if my head was pounding and throbbing like hell, i did my best to cooperate. We were given this little journal to write a story with 5 chapters. We were grouped into fives, so we had to write a chapter each. My group mates assigned me to write the ending of our story, which I did pretty well, not to boast, but I write endings well. And then this girl felt the urge to come to me and asked me to change every single fucking word I've written. I was like, "what the hell, this is my part, you're done with yours". But she said she had a better idea on how to end the story. I used all my will power to deny myself the pleasure of yelling at her face. Just when I thought my day was on its worst, she proved me wrong. Politely, I asked her to just mind her own business and let me have my way, which she did, not without a frown.

I went home after that. Limply, I fell asleep on the hour long jeepney ride. I was feeling a little better when I got off on our street, thinking I can finally be at peace.

Guess what I realized?

I forgot to pay my jeepney fare, and nobody asked me for it.

FUCK.MY.LIFE.