You Can Make It Happen.

If you have a dream, then the time to start chasing it is now. Don’t wait until tomorrow. You owe it to yourself to follow your dream.

-Ashley Greene

I don't think I have ever been this determined. Most people know for a fact that what Seann wants,Seann gets. I'm stubborn like that,and it's no secret that once I set my eyes on something,there's no stopping me.

Maybe I'm crazy. Yasmina said I was crazy-I told her all about it and I guess she's right. I'm crazy...I always am. But if there's something I badly want today, right at this very moment, it's this: I want to go to Los Angeles for Breaking Dawn. As plain and simple as that. I want to meet Jackson Rathbone and Ashley Greene at least once in my life, for if I don't, I don't think I'll ever say I have lived. So I decided-I owe it to myself to follow my dream and this is that dream. I am going to act on it and make it happen or at least try.

It sounds impossible,yes? It seems like just yesterday, on my way home from the mall, I was thinking about a certain friend of mine who made a firm decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of being an actress. I was skeptical, to say the least, because not everyone can have the same fate and luck as Ashley Greene. When you really ponder on it, it's not easy to just pack your bags and go-considering you are a total alien with no place to stay in or a comrade to depend on. I was thinking she was crazy. I have almost forgotten that all the best people are.

I am going to work on this, earn this reward for myself. Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared of letting this dream just float away with the wind. I'm scared that if I don't try reaching for it, one day, I might regret it...And that's what I hate the most. It would be really awful when I'm old and gray and I look back on this day and see clearly where I went wrong. I do not want that to happen.

I'm not sure,of course, if I could make it happen. What with all the fuss and effort I have to make,like getting a passport and a US Visa, and an authentic NSO Birth Certificate, the least of my worries are the plane tickets. But as I have said, I am too determined to back out now.Not now,not when I have seen a glimpse of hope that tells me I can. I can. I just have to work on it.

I have always been a dreamer. Regrets are the most painful part of my life,and each regret pinches my heart a little too painfully, to the point where I begin promising myself that whenever I have a dream, I will at least try and do my best to achieve it, and leave out all the rest to Him. That way, it wouldn't hurt when I think about it, because I have done my part. I could tell myself that it is not my fault anymore,it just really isn't meant to be.

As for now, it feels like there's a fire blazing in my heart. It's all I can think about. It's like I have seen what life is all about-it's all about chasing your dreams and making them come true. It's about having that one great purpose, that one great passion that will make you say your life is complete once it happens. Why, Ashley Greene was seventeen when she moved to LA to pursue her dream. She waited long enough before it happened but look where she is now. If she sat around their house in Florida,would she have been cast as Alice Cullen? Probably not. She worked hard for her dreams to come true, and that is what I will do.

Because when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

I'm Spinning and Swirling

I have nothing to say tonight. Do you know that feeling,when your mind is so clouded with things and you just don't trsust yourself to talk anymore?

What will I say now? I was supposed to be in Manila, but the trip was moved to next week, so I'm stuck here trying to review my lessons, but my mind just isn't feeling like a sponge. It would not accept anything I try to memorize. I'm just too distracted.

If there is any part of my body that feels like a sponge right now, that would be my limbs. I am so freaking exhausted and hungry. I have just eaten but I'm starving again. Shake my actual head. So I'm eating eggnogs here, trying to update you with what's going on with my life. It's not really so bad,noh? That doesn't make it so good though.

I miss everyone. Here I am again, being emotional and all, but Twitter is so quiet. Last night we tried to make Greenbone trend but we had no luck, I guess. Ashley was seen again kissing another guy. This time it was Joe Jonas. Mind you, I have nothing against him, but... I don't know. I just don't think he's good enough for her. But then again, her dating record isn't too good either.

When she was papped making out with Brock, I cried. Now, I didn't. I should, I know I should, but I think I'm used to it. It will only take a matter of time before she's back in Jackson's arms again. It's hard to judge her or the relationships she gets herself into because no one really knows the truth behind them except herself, but sometimes I just can't help it. I want to just ask her to come right out and tell us what's going on. Sometimes, we deserve to know.

But that is her private life. I just wish she would keep it private, because with what I am seeing, it's like she's having a party in her bedroom and the door is slightly open, giving us all a glimpse, but never allowing us to enter. Wait--does that make sense to you?

I wish it will all stop and she'd just settle down and stay with one guy,you know? I'd love it if it was Jackson but if she prefered someone else and I saw that she was truly happy, I would never go against it. Only she knows what's best for her. I love Ashley more than anyone else (not my family and friends,ah whatever, if you are looking up to someone right now you would know what I mean), and I only want her to be truly happy, but when you are a stranger looking from the outside, you will never understand what she is doing with her life. I'm trying to make sense of all of it though.. She's young and beautiful. She has the right to make the most out of it in any way she wants.

I just swear to God, if she ends up getting hurt because of Joe... I don't know. I just don't know.

P.S.:

I changed my blog music again. It's the fourth one now. First was She Is The Sunlight by Trading Yesterday, followed by May I by Trading Yesterday, then, Gone by Jim Chapell, now it's I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat. Mainia introduced me to this song. I can't stop listening to it now. I can relate to the lyrics.

Off I go to munch on crackers.

She Didn't Want Parades Just Passing By Her

And then God made Jackson Rathbone,and a war ensued among women.

Hi,hi, hiiiiiiiiiii!!!

Life's bliss these past few days. It's like I couldn't ask for more,but in the back of my mind,there's fear.

I'm scared of being this happy,because that usually means the downfall is somewhere near.I don't trust the forces of nature when I am this high,because when you're on your highest, there's no other way to go but down,right?

Anyway,I think I'll worry about that when that time comes. I'll just live this moment while it lasts, cause it may not last long.

Yesterday I went to SM San Fernando to meet up with my internet friend, Ate Liahn. Shhh, my family thought I was in school the whole time,and I do not have any plans of changing that belief. Yep, I am badass, but that's what you get when you're too controlling.

Anyway,I really had fun.Before we met it was like everything was just virtual. Like yeah,I have friends on the internet,but we don't see each other.That kind of thing. Well,now it's easier to imagine having a friend hug you when you need one. I personally think my internet friends are better than the real ones--no offense meant, but you know...They don't ever let me down. Or maybe I am just being biased. Of course there's some concrete reason why my internet friends and I don't fight.It's not that I don't trust them,but when you're behind a computer screen,you tend to put your best foot forward.

Ate Liahn gave me lots of Greenebone tarpaulins and button pins,and a tote bag.I really love them,and I am planning to go home early today (if that is even possible) to post them all on my wall.I just couldn't wait. Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. We had a really nice time,and I got to meet her boyfriend,who was also very nice.We made him carry our stuff and take our photos at the same time.He passed my test.I like him for her. :)

We watched The Last Airbender in 3D. I therefore announce to you guys,that I,the mighty mighty Seann,was devirginized yesterday.Wakokokoko. It was my first time TO WATCH A MOVIE IN 3D because in our oh so awesome province of Nueva Ecija, there are no 3D theaters.I am so freakin' proud that the first movie I watched in 3D was a Monroe Jackson Rathbone V movie. I needed new schmanties,he blew me away. Look at that photo above. Holy Mary Mother of Grace,pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,Amen. I had multiple heart attacks during the movie,and I was unable to focus on the story. Whatevs, I am not a fan of the anime thingy anyway.

Okayyyyyy,so I boarded the bus home at about 6 in the evening,dear God was I scared,by the time we reached Gapan I was the only passenger left,and I was bracing myself for the worst. What if I got raped? What if they parked the bus on a deserted side of the road and kill me afterwards? This is why reading and watching horror and thriller stories is never a good idea for me. Thankfully, I am still alive and whole. In every way possible.

I spent the night playing Facebook games,because that's what cool teens do on weekend nights,not party all the way. So this friend of mine commented on one of my photos saying it was disgusting (she said yuck) because apparently I had ummm...some dirt thingy in my eyes on the photo. You judge.

I asked her if she was serious but she did not reply. Honestly,I was hurt. I still am, because all these years I never did or thought about anything that could hurt her. I guess friends do let you down every once in a while. I felt like she posted that on purpose,for everyone to see.She really likes proving to everyone that she is better than I am. Anyway, I really don't care anymore.

After all,it was not I who showed motives to her boyfriend. Yep,her boyfriend sent me messages on Facebook,asking for my number. Which I didn't give,by the way.

Thank God I have friends like M, Yasmina, and Mainia who stood up for me even when I didn't stand up for myself.

Sometimes I want to tell myself how horrible I am,but that would really hurt my feelings.

Never Lose Focus!

Woooh!!! I traveled 4 hours to Manila to see Eclipse with Mainia today and it was the best day ever! Ever! EVER!!!

I still got the Eclipse fever,can you tell?Well,it was so fucking good,I had to curse about it even though I am not really a big fan of profanity. I think I'll see it again tomorrow. No,I'm sure I will see it again tomorrow!

So this post is all about the movie.I perfectly understand that some of you guys haven't seen the movie yet and you might not like spoilers, so I'm putting my review and fangirling squees after the cut. Click the line if you want! But don't blame me if it ruins or strengthens your excitement!
Okay, so we spent more than an hour in line to buy tickets cause there was a HUGE number of people swarming for them. It was early; we started at 11 in the morning. By the time we got our tickets, it was 12:30 in the afternoon. The movie began at 2:30, and we were seated on the second row.We were practically looking up to the screen but we had no choice beacuse the theater was packed,and those were the only seats available.

Let me tell you though, it was WORTH it. More than that, to be honest. It was very rewarding cause for two movies' worth I have been disappointed that Melissa Rosenberg didn't seem to care enough about the characters apart from Edward and Bella (cough Alice and Jasper cough) . First, in Twilight, she didn't write about Alice's backstory, nor did she include them in the Prom scene. I mean come on, perhaps it was not Melissa's fault; perhaps it was the production staff's or whatever---but seriously?Like,they could have at least shown rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper going to prom.

In New Moon, my favorite scene was the airport scen where the depth of Jasper and ALice's relationship was defined. Well, sadly, it's all in the book,but NOT in the movie. I was so disappointed,like, Jasper only got a line or two! It was....sad.

Now! I didn't expect anything to avoid getting to disappointed once the movie came out like the other two, but frankly--I knew there must be some reason why Eclipse is my favorite book (and now,movie) from the Saga.Among the three,it was the best.And maybe I am being biased,but I don't think Breaking Dawn can surpass this--the book's plot is just too overwhelming-in a bad way-unless they include more of Alice and Jasper.

Now,on with the review which is like 8275265% squee and 7338765% fangirling and swooning over Jacksper!

AGAIN, SPOILER ALERT! Click on the line at your own risk

The Power of fake J-Action

So....If you know me well enough you would never even bother reading this post,cause the picture pretty much says it all.

MONROE JACKSON effing RATHBONE.Tweeted.Me.*dies*

*lives again to write*Yes.He now has a Twitter account and he is so nice to his fans.He and his band mates  are.They reply to fans likeee....no big deal.When in fact it is a big deal--a very big big deal.

Yesh.I woke up this morning and found out that he was tweeting (he still is) and that he tweeted Vicky and Louise.For a moment my brain couldn't function well.My head was clouded with jealousy.But then I told myself that those girls are my sisters,then immediately I was happy for them ^^.

In my desperation I asked him when he will tweet me and make my life complete.To my utter surprise and unfathomable joy,he replied.And yesh baby,my life is now complete.Dear G-d,I can die now...although I'd rather not. ;)

I know I promised myself that I'd go to the bank today but...I don't know anymore.I'm in a daze and that's not a good sign,right?I mean what if I faint and there's no one to save me?!!

Am I exaggerating?

Yes?

Okay.I'm going to the bank.Although I'd really rather not.

I'm going now...

Bye....

*Looks back* I'm  going....


Uhm....Aren't you going to stop me or something?

Can You Keep A Secret?

I think I've done something great today.I feel so fulfilled but there's a catch: I can't tell you about it yet.I have to shut my mouth for at least two more weeks before I could blurt it out.I don't think I could hold it that long.

You see,I am so excited.And when I am excited,I could NEVER just cower in a corner and shut up about it--that's why I'm blogging now,to keep myself busy.To forget about how my hands are itching to buzz that person involved and spill the secret.

Still...I can't bring myself to fully concentrate on not telling the secret.I'm at the edge of my sanity.I need to keep it all in...But how? *insert confused evil laugh here*

I really want to say more but my hands are so shaking right now because my monkey man just opened up a Twitter account and I could not contain my excitement that I forgot all about the secret.Bye!

Confessions Of The Normally Abnormal, Usually Unusual

Yesterday, someone asked me if I have gone bonkers. The answer,of course,was no. "This is just me being normal,actually." :D

You might be wondering what lead to the question.This is exactly why today,I am having a confession...Confessions,actually.

Confession #1: The Gummy Bears' Demise

I like killing gummy bears. And I spell it as "gummii", to be honest. It's just cruel...But it makes me happy. I set the color for the day,then kill. Yesterday it was orange. They caused my Barbie's death, so I gave them punishment.I drowned some of them in a glass of Coke and I was amused.Ha! Taught them to be nosey. ;) Before the killing spree,though,I first organized a gummii wedding. An orange gummii bear's last wish was to marry a red gummii bear,so I agreed to do the wedding.After that, I beheaded them, leaving the gummi bride a widow.

Confession #2: The Soldier And The Pixie
You might find it strange for some reason,but I do ship Jackson and Ashley more than Robert and Kristen. You don't know who they are?Shame on you. That's Twilight's Jasper and Alice. I seriously hype up everytime I see a photo of them,or read an article,which is like,always.I am totally hooked,and no,I don't need psychological help,thank you very much.

That's it for today,since I have to run to the stupid bank to pay my internet bill or else I'll be disconnected.I would never want that to happen.I would rather die.Seriously! Okay bye!

I think I might make it a habit to post some confessions here. It's quite fun. ;)

I'm Alive!

Good Morning :)

I woke up this morning with a terrible pain on the left side of my stomach. I've always been feeling that--but this morning it was different. I felt paralyzed, because everytime I move, it hurts.For the first time, it scared me.

I'm scared of death, I mean, everybody is, of course, but I've never felt like this my whole life. I felt so close to death (well, maybe it is an overstatement, but still..), I was thinking, what if I die here alone?

So while I was dramatically waiting for my last breath, I was thinking: have I done everything I want to do?Have I lived my life to the fullest?Who will cry when I'm gone?Things like these...they matter to me.

I eventually fell asleep and woke up after two hours,feeling well again,but cautious.Ridiculous,but yes,I checked if I was still alive,which I clearly am.What I did first was thank God for no letting me die alone and helpless here, and then, I made a list of the things to do before I die. Here it is:

1. Go to Paris
2. Meet Ashley Greene/Jackson Rathbone
3. Marry, and have kids
4. Have my dream house built
5. Go to Sanrio Puroland!!
6. Shop till I drop.

That's all I could think f for now. I will be updating this list as soon as I can. ;) Today, I've learned not to take even the smallest things for granted.You never know when they will be gone...

Hello,My Name Is...

Hello,my name is PISSED.

I actually had fun today.On my way home,I saw the sunset while on a bridge,over a very serene image of a river and its delta. I was very inspired.Words were pouring out of my mind as I stared at the sky.They even rearranged themselves into phrases and sentences beautifully.Too bad,I didn't have a pen with me.

In easy words,I was still inspired when I got home.The big toothy grin was not erased form my face even while I was eating.I actually practically just swallowed just so I could pretend to go to bed already and blog in reality,and I never failed.

I've typed maybe two sentences when I noticed my internet connection starting to get bitchy.I didn't mind it though,as I was writing a really good story/snippet.I was aware that what i was typing was not being saved,I had no internet connection but still,I continued.My fingers raced with each other,typing words I now can't remember.I managed to write the whole story in about half an hour,and I was satisfied with the way it turned out.

So why is my name PISSED?

Here you go:

I said I was aware that I had no internet connection,right?Right.So I minimized Firefox for a while and decided to watch a movie called Windstuck.Good movie,I suggest you guys watch it!So yeah.I was so engrossed with the movie but I still checked on my internet browser to see if I could publish already,but I still couldn't,so I just shrugged and minimized my browser again to go back to the movie.To my utter surprise,though,Firefox warned me that I was about to close multiple tabs,asking me if I wanted to save them.I clicked "QUIT",and then Blogspot asked me if I really wanted to navigate away from the page,reminding me that I had an unsaved draft.Guess what I clicked? Yes. Firefox closed immediately,and it was only then did I realize the stupid mistake I have done.I literally died and lived again.Darn...

So that's why instead of "Flimsy Ribbons of Fate" Chapter 1,you are now reading my rant.I've worked hard for that,and my stupidity has just taken its toll on me. -_- Maybe I'll write another one soon.I just need to get back that great amount of inspiration through a view of the sunset.

....And maybe,a bottle of Coke.

....And a day staring at Ashley Greene's picture.

....And Jackson Rathbone.

Jackson Rathbone Ate A Maggot

So Jackson ate a maggot...And when he looked at the camera and smiled, I was like, "what's my name again?". I love him to death. Ohmygollygosh. He is so HOTTT!I think I need a bottle of Coke now.I'm hyperventilating.

WANTED

Seann Pangilinan, 19, Filipina
Nueva Ecija, Philippines
Addicted to Oreos.
In love with Jackson Rathbone.
A fan of Ashley Greene.
Moody, crazy, emotional.
Committed Crime: Illegal Possession of Alice's Diamond Studded Disco Stick

Victoria Jayne Telling, 16, British
Swindon, United Kingdom
Addicted to Diet Coke.
In love with Jackson Rathbone.
A fan of Ashley Greene.
Crazy, chipper, energetic.
Committed Crime: Malicious Mischief Against Pork Adobo

Louise Murphy, 14, Irish
Moyne, Ireland
Addicted to Club Orange
In love with Jasper Hale
A fan of Ashley Greene (Now confirmed haha)
Crazy, energetic, normal.
Committed Crime: Violence Against Leprechauns

If you see them, you're lucky. They're usually invisible.

My Monkey Man!

The Sexiest Man Alive

I've been thinking a lot lately about Jackson Rathbone. Not in a bad way, though, so stop whatever dirty thoughts are running in your perverted minds. I've been thinking about him romantically. That's the only way I'll ever think about him.

Why wouldn't people love him, especially girls like me? I have a weakness for musically talented guys, that's extremely sexy. My Jackson above has a band called 100 Monkeys. Not only does he play the guitar, he plays every instrument in the band. Well, all of them do. They switch instruments when they're on a gig. Isn't that reason enough for him to make me drool? Apparently, no.

He also sings impromptu, and when I say impromptu, I mean he asks the audience for a random word-whatever tickles their fancy-and he makes up a song about it on the spot. Now I'm squealing. That just proves his talent with words. It's hard enough to write a poem sometimes, what more a song, on the spot, while there's a strumming guitar or a booming drum, and hundreds of screaming girls counting on you to make the words rhyme and sing in tune. Seriously, Jackson does that.

He is also extremely sweet, I couldn't say it personally because I haven't had the pleasure to meet him yet, but based on the videos I've watch, I could tell he is. He winks, he bites his lips, he blushes. How could anyone be so cool? And sexy? And sweet? All at the same time.... *gush*

He has an accent. It is not obvious at first cause it's just light, but when you listen closely, he has a southern drawl. That's quite expected, since he lives in Texas, but still....That's brownie points. I can only imagine the sound of my name coming from his lips...Nomnomnom.

He is good in acting. Yeah, he really is multi-talented. Even if some people berate him being Jasper, he's good. Jackson is perfect for Jasper. That's how it should be. That's acting, for Lord's sake! Jasper is always in pain because it's hard for him to be around humans...that's why Jackson looked reserved and controlled in the movies. I've also seen the episode of Criminal Minds where he played Amanda, and d*mn if I didn't like it. He played a woman and he pulled it quite well. That's talent, my people.

I could go on with this list forever, stating a million reasons why I love him, but I'll leave it up to the others. I am not alone, sadly. So many girls like me vie for his attention...And I can't blame them. He's quite the man...

Jasper Prayer

Our Jasper, 
Who art in Forks, 
Hallowed be thy sparkles.
Thy comes, thy will be fast,
On Earth as it is in the baseball field.
Give you this day, our daily blood;
Forgive us our heartbeats
As we worship Maria for giving you life.
Lead us into temptation,
Deliver us to you.
For thine is the vampire,
The emotions and the hotness,
For ever and ever.

Amen!

Finally!

After 2 bars of cloud 9 and 5 more pieces of those innocent looking Chooey Chocos..
10 Rascal Flatts songs and 6 from Trading Yesterday.
Countless mosquito bites and even more dead mosquitoes (forgive me God,I am a killer.)
Uhm..I don't know how many blog posts and status updates..
4 hours of texting random people about random things.
17 chapters of a Fanfiction..

Finally!I am sleepy!
I can now arrange my pillows and head off to dreamland where my J is waiting for me..:))

--I'm signing out now. :)

See ya,J!