New Year....Same Old Life.

This will be my last post not only for the month of December,but also for the year 2010. I've been on Blogger for a year, and I can say it has helped a lot in letting out my frustrations without harming anyone. LOL.

This year has been great. Unlike so many people who complain about it and are happy that 2010 is almost over, I am sad at its passing. 2011 is not my year,that I can tell you right now. There will be so much drama,and I will have a lot of explaining to do. I'm dreading it. Sometimes I wonder if maybe God loves me so much that he'll let me die before 2011. Obviously, it's not gonna happen.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about that stuff just yet. It's depressing. Maybe when I'm ready...

As I was saying,2010 has been one hell of a year. I've met a lot of new people this year,and they're already a part of me forever. That sounds corny, but really...I've found great friends,and I have no plans of throwing them away anytime soon. :)

My family has been beach crazy during the summer. We celebrated my birthday on the beach. We went to the beach a lot,period. I've seen Eclipse more than 10 times, and The Last Airbender in 3D. I have gone to Manila back and forth. How I love that city.

I've learned a lot from the 12 months that passed. I've learned that you can never fully trust anyone again once they've failed you. I've learned that no matter how much people say they love you, they're going to move on with their lives when that love goes unappreciated. Goodbyes hurt, but not as painful as the hellos you never had the chance to make. There are some people you wish you never knew...but deep down,you'll always be thankful for their presence in your life.

Sometimes, trials come, and we don't understand why they happen. The lessons come long after the storm is gone,most of the time. This year has taught me a lot to be strong; to learn to stand up by myself, to never be afraid of being who I am. I've seen almost all kinds of people. There are the traitors, the true friends, the liars, the people who live for others. Some of them have shown me that no matter how good you are, there will always be that one who treats you like trash, and if you're weak on the knees, you'll never last long. Despite all the pain I've gone through, I came out stronger than I ever was. I've learned that I'm never alone, and that there are people ready to take the fall for me.

As this year's end flashes before my eyes, all I can say is that just like every other year that passed, this one has been great in its own way. We have had our ups and downs, everybody goes through something sometimes. 2011 is our chance to be who we've always wanted to be on 2010. All we can do is make the best of it, for every second that passes is never coming back.

Happy New Year, everyone! Thank you for being the beautiful stars that give light to my way. I love you! <3

Hello,My Name Is Meh.

I started the day feeling really good. I had a wonderful evening and a nice and funny dream that I actually remembered when I woke up,only to have everything ruined by my aunt.

Don't get me wrong. I love both my aunts.They spoil me,they give me mostly everything I want,but they can be really mean at times. Like today.

I cleaned my bedroom at home and my grandma helped me,together with my sister. We carried everything out to have them sorted,and I decided that I wanted to move the bed frame out permamnently and just sleep on my matress on the floor.As a compromise,my grandma insisted that I use an extra matress,so that I'd be more comfortable.I agreed just to get it all over with. I then arranged my things and furniture inside the room,and now I'm so amn tired and my muscles are sore.

My aunt peeked in on me while I was arranging my books. She saw the two matresses on the floor and demanded that I give the soft one back,and said that she was just gonna use it for herself. Avoiding an argument,I pulled the mattress away while she went on with her business. When I was carryng the matress,which was not very light,by the way,on my way out of my bedroom,she stopped me and said I could keep it. In my very calm and collected voice, I told her that she was annoying, dumped the fucking mattress on the living room floor, and went back inside my room. I never talked to her again.

You see,I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I wanted to avoid an argument,for God's sake,that's why I pulled the mattress away from my room as soon as she instructed me too,even if that meant I had to rearrange all my stuff because they were all on the way of that mattress. My point is,I don't know if she was taking pleasure in getting me annoyed,or if she was just being plain selfish. It's not like I stole the thing anyway! It was my grandma who insisted on it!

I know,I know.I'm making such a big fuss out of it but I'm just really pissed right now.She does that to me all the time but when they're the ones who touch and take my things,they think it's no big fucking deal. I just had to write it all down here. I think it's better than taking it all out on her.

And I Know...This Love Grows.

Today has been really good. Really,really good. I went to the movies and saw Till My Heartaches end,which,by the way,I was supposed to see with my sister but she went to school,so meh. I also went grocery shopping and I LOVED it.Believe me,I'm the only one I know who loves buying groceries.

I've never felt prettier than I did (and still do0 today. I don't even know exactly why,I just feel so happy,so contented. I'm in my room now,I've just finished watching Message In A Bottle.It made me cry buckets of tears! It's such a good movie,I almost made it my favorite Nicholas Sparks work,but I think nothing can replace Dear John...yet.

Anyways,so I haven't been blogging lately,eh? I'm not so busy anymore,I admit.I'm just too lazy.HA.I only open my RP Twitter account.I don't even go on Facebook that much anymore.

I'm at some point in my life wherein I don't really know what I want to do or happen. I still remember C,and I always will,but I've moved on.I'm not the suicidal-take-me-with-you kind of girl anymore. I've let go of the thin string that tied him to me so that he'll be at peace,now.

Honestly,though. It's almost Christmas and I can't help but feel so alone at times. I mean sure,I have my family and friends...But I love sharing Christmas with someone special. I want to have a reason to wake up at 3 AM for nine days to complete the midnight mass so I could have my wish.I want to be happy again.I can't wait to fall in love.

I have a little crush on someone now but I don't know if he likes me back.That's quite impossible,I think.Haha. Who am I to even be worthy of five minutes of his time? Tsk tsk. Whataver though. I'm still pretty. Haha!

I've just heard that my *former* best friend and her boyfriend broke up. It doesn't really surprise me,I mean how many times did this happen?One too many. I know I shouldn't even be talking about it anymore,but you see, M, two people might be speaking to each other,but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're having a talk. One might be hearing what the other says,but that doesn't necessarily mean she's listening. Think about it and you'll see where things always go wrong. I just care a lot for the both of you,that's why I'm still hanging on even if you're trying so damn hard to cut me off.

Anyway,enough of that. I'm gonna be bold and honest here and say I miss K. It's just not the same without him,you know?

I only have five days left till school begins again.I'm not even enrolled yet.I just want to get it all over with! I'm so tired of studying and I can't wait to grow old and see how my life unfolds. It's a bit scary,but it all comes soon enough.

Tonight Will Be The Night That I Will Fall For You.

Another timed post from me. I just don't feel like publishing this right now,so bear.

I just hung out with my family yesterday. Hung out doesn't seem to be the right word to use though, when you spent two hours on the mechanic's, waiting for your ride to get fixed, but that was the closest we had to hanging out.

We went to Jollibee after that and bought take home meals. Ate Rachel was working there. I lined up on the counter she served and when it was time to give her my order,I was so giddy I had to stop myself from bursting into fits of laughter. She and I are close (she's my Mom's half sister) and you know, having her tell me "Can I get your order,Ma'am" in a very formal manner was just too much for my little heart to handle, when usually when I am in their house she would always pick on me and call me silly names. Revenge is truly sweet. Heheh.

Anyway, so yeah she took my order and I said two TLC burgers with fries and Coke, one cheeseburger, one spaghetti with fries and coke, and one chocolate Sundae. I was surprised when my take out bags arrived and they had four TLC burgers.. -,- She punched my order wrong, so I paid four instead of two B3 meals. Guess she was giddy too. Ha.

Yeyey was with me all day. She has changed a lot in the course of three years. Gosh,I sound like a mother or something but she really has. I remember I just had a talk with my Mom on the phone and she was like "Do you still hang out with Yeyey? Does she still wet the bed and the couch?" LOL. It was strange when I realized it. I have been with the little girl all her life. She doesn't wet the couch or the bed now, but she's growing up spoiled and bossy. She keeps ordering everyone around. Sounds like....me.

My sister has been pestering me about her money. I owe her Php25.00 (half a dollar,haha) which, in my defense, we used to buy a pack of tea powder and ice that we had for lunch. So I did not pay her yet but I will, promise. :P

On the 3oth it's our Patron Saint's festival day. Bah, I will sponsor another baby's Christening and I don't have even just a small amount of money. Maybe my grandmother will take care of that. It's kind of fun here,these days. It's a shame I don't get to scour the shops outside (there are rows of tents of vendors selling EVERYTHING by the roadside on the highway at this time every year). On Thursday there'll be visitors and people I really don't know who will come over our house to eat and such. I'm a little excited.

Hmm what else? Oh,yeah,that song. The title of this post is another song lyric I ripped off Secondhand Serenade's "Fall For You". My PSP just randomly blasted it out yesterday and since there was that warm September Christmas season kind of breeze, I felt like it was 2008! Certain songs remind me of certain seasons in certain years. Fra Lippo Lippi's "Later", for example, reminds me of 2002's Summer when my Mom came home and it was my father's favorite song. Matchbox 20's "Unwell" reminds me of 2003, like Stephen Speaks' "Out of My League". Trading Yesterday's songs will always remind me of Summer 2010. "Fall For You" was all over the radios back in 2008, and it reminds me of CLSU's Lantern Parade that year that I spent with my ex-boyfriend. We were hanging out with his friends in his car, and that song was playing on the background. I can't remember the feeling anymore,though.

No Matter How Difficult Life Is For You,It's Always Harder For Someone Else.

I can't stop crying now. After I have seen an episode of "Failon Ngayon" tonight, which is a regular Saturday evening rpogram here which features people's real life struggles and situations, I realized yet again how lucky I am.

One of their featured stories was about a girl my age, Fe Martinez, if I remember correctly. Like me, she was supposed to graduate from College next semester. Unlike me, she's not going to step on the stage to get her diploma.


Her story,as far as I can recall, goes a little like this: one day she had a headache and she felt numbness in some certain parts of her body (her shins, particularly). I think they were on a school trip or something when she felt that, but when they went home, she didn't tell her parents about it. She just woke up one day and found that she could not stand up anymore.


Her parents brought her to the hospital, but the Doctors said they needed Php 40,000.00 to get her body scanned and tested (MRI or MIR, I suck at medical terms). However, they did not have that money-they were a poor family, they still are, so they had no choice but to bring her back home and nurse her in bed. Huge bed sores grew on her back due to her all time,all day confinement. Her mysterious illness not only took away her freedom. It also wrecked her dreams, her future, her life.

It was the TV program's staff and crew who helped them bring her back to the hospital to get her tested to find out what her illness is. It turned out to be Multiple Sclerosis and her medicines cost Php 20,000.000 EVERY week, and even if they do have the money, which they don't, the medicines are not easy to buy as they are imported,and do not come in regular basis, and the doctors cannot specify until when she has to take them.

What made me cry is the part when Ted Failon asked Fe's mother how she was holding up. Her mother was then shown on screen, aged and wrinkled-in my opinion, she looked far too old to be a 19 year old's mother, but then again, with all the stress and pain she's going through, it was reasonable. So Ted asked, "How is it going for you-taking care of her everyday? It looks like a lot of work..."

To which the woman replied, tearing up, "It's hard, really hard... But I can go through all of this for her. I will suffer for her. I love her."

And then they showed Fe on the screen, saying, "They do not have to speak-even if they don't tell me, I know it's hard for them..."

In a dramatic, slow motion kind of way, her tears fell down and she turned her face away from the camera. I cried.

They later revealed that Fe was a very persevering student. An honor student, in fact, and the Chairman of their Baranggay's Sangguniang Kabataan (Youth Council). This moved me more if that was even possible. It pained me to see such a young fellow crampled in bed, seeking for the best comfort it could offer, while every night, I lay myself in bed, tucked in three layers of fleece and silk and cotton, and I can still find an excuse to complain about my life.

Don't get me wrong- I did not come here to preach nor be a hypocrite. I know I must change my ways but if I am being honest, then I should be completely honest. And to be honest with you, it is not that easy. Change doesn't happen overnight-and I am trying really hard to be good to other people now as much as I can.

I am just here to reflect on how a random person's story touched me. Sure, she's not the only one who's suffering. Everyone suffers in one way or another. It's just that, of all the stories I have come across, it's her story that touched me most. There's the girl, striving for a better life-for a life like mine,possibly,she had the will and the courage to do all she could to achieve it,and then with one swift blow of fate,she was in ruins.

She's too young to go through all of this. I don't know,she really has my sympathy. Because of her, I go even more inspired now to do what I can, while I can, because evidently, nobody knows what might happen tomorrow. Even one slight of hand can change everything, so I decided not to let a single second go to waste.

You know, I've been devoting time trying to make part of the world a better place but I realize now that I have more time in my hands but I spend it doing nonsense for fun. I want to be able to help. I want to help as many as I can without forgetting my own dreams.I wish I could stop sneering at my life when I'm feeling down and just remember that some people always have it worse. We each have our own share of darkness and it is entirely up to us if we let it just pour heavily upon us, or learn to dance in the rain. I choose the latter.

I wish I could just go to her house right now and give her a hug and her Mom and sister, too. They have been doing a really good job in taking care of her. One day I might walk up to her and squeeze her in a hug to show her how much I care. As for now, I am planning to scour the streets in our City in October and hand roses to women and maybe give them a hug or two if they wouldn't mind. I'm going to make them see how beautiful this world is just because of their existence. A mother, a sister, a student, a best friend, a grandmother, a mother in law, a girlfriend, an ex girlfriend, a daughter, a niece-I will make them smile.

You Can Make It Happen.

If you have a dream, then the time to start chasing it is now. Don’t wait until tomorrow. You owe it to yourself to follow your dream.

-Ashley Greene

I don't think I have ever been this determined. Most people know for a fact that what Seann wants,Seann gets. I'm stubborn like that,and it's no secret that once I set my eyes on something,there's no stopping me.

Maybe I'm crazy. Yasmina said I was crazy-I told her all about it and I guess she's right. I'm crazy...I always am. But if there's something I badly want today, right at this very moment, it's this: I want to go to Los Angeles for Breaking Dawn. As plain and simple as that. I want to meet Jackson Rathbone and Ashley Greene at least once in my life, for if I don't, I don't think I'll ever say I have lived. So I decided-I owe it to myself to follow my dream and this is that dream. I am going to act on it and make it happen or at least try.

It sounds impossible,yes? It seems like just yesterday, on my way home from the mall, I was thinking about a certain friend of mine who made a firm decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of being an actress. I was skeptical, to say the least, because not everyone can have the same fate and luck as Ashley Greene. When you really ponder on it, it's not easy to just pack your bags and go-considering you are a total alien with no place to stay in or a comrade to depend on. I was thinking she was crazy. I have almost forgotten that all the best people are.

I am going to work on this, earn this reward for myself. Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared of letting this dream just float away with the wind. I'm scared that if I don't try reaching for it, one day, I might regret it...And that's what I hate the most. It would be really awful when I'm old and gray and I look back on this day and see clearly where I went wrong. I do not want that to happen.

I'm not sure,of course, if I could make it happen. What with all the fuss and effort I have to make,like getting a passport and a US Visa, and an authentic NSO Birth Certificate, the least of my worries are the plane tickets. But as I have said, I am too determined to back out now.Not now,not when I have seen a glimpse of hope that tells me I can. I can. I just have to work on it.

I have always been a dreamer. Regrets are the most painful part of my life,and each regret pinches my heart a little too painfully, to the point where I begin promising myself that whenever I have a dream, I will at least try and do my best to achieve it, and leave out all the rest to Him. That way, it wouldn't hurt when I think about it, because I have done my part. I could tell myself that it is not my fault anymore,it just really isn't meant to be.

As for now, it feels like there's a fire blazing in my heart. It's all I can think about. It's like I have seen what life is all about-it's all about chasing your dreams and making them come true. It's about having that one great purpose, that one great passion that will make you say your life is complete once it happens. Why, Ashley Greene was seventeen when she moved to LA to pursue her dream. She waited long enough before it happened but look where she is now. If she sat around their house in Florida,would she have been cast as Alice Cullen? Probably not. She worked hard for her dreams to come true, and that is what I will do.

Because when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

She Didn't Want Parades Just Passing By Her

And then God made Jackson Rathbone,and a war ensued among women.

Hi,hi, hiiiiiiiiiii!!!

Life's bliss these past few days. It's like I couldn't ask for more,but in the back of my mind,there's fear.

I'm scared of being this happy,because that usually means the downfall is somewhere near.I don't trust the forces of nature when I am this high,because when you're on your highest, there's no other way to go but down,right?

Anyway,I think I'll worry about that when that time comes. I'll just live this moment while it lasts, cause it may not last long.

Yesterday I went to SM San Fernando to meet up with my internet friend, Ate Liahn. Shhh, my family thought I was in school the whole time,and I do not have any plans of changing that belief. Yep, I am badass, but that's what you get when you're too controlling.

Anyway,I really had fun.Before we met it was like everything was just virtual. Like yeah,I have friends on the internet,but we don't see each other.That kind of thing. Well,now it's easier to imagine having a friend hug you when you need one. I personally think my internet friends are better than the real ones--no offense meant, but you know...They don't ever let me down. Or maybe I am just being biased. Of course there's some concrete reason why my internet friends and I don't fight.It's not that I don't trust them,but when you're behind a computer screen,you tend to put your best foot forward.

Ate Liahn gave me lots of Greenebone tarpaulins and button pins,and a tote bag.I really love them,and I am planning to go home early today (if that is even possible) to post them all on my wall.I just couldn't wait. Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. We had a really nice time,and I got to meet her boyfriend,who was also very nice.We made him carry our stuff and take our photos at the same time.He passed my test.I like him for her. :)

We watched The Last Airbender in 3D. I therefore announce to you guys,that I,the mighty mighty Seann,was devirginized yesterday.Wakokokoko. It was my first time TO WATCH A MOVIE IN 3D because in our oh so awesome province of Nueva Ecija, there are no 3D theaters.I am so freakin' proud that the first movie I watched in 3D was a Monroe Jackson Rathbone V movie. I needed new schmanties,he blew me away. Look at that photo above. Holy Mary Mother of Grace,pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,Amen. I had multiple heart attacks during the movie,and I was unable to focus on the story. Whatevs, I am not a fan of the anime thingy anyway.

Okayyyyyy,so I boarded the bus home at about 6 in the evening,dear God was I scared,by the time we reached Gapan I was the only passenger left,and I was bracing myself for the worst. What if I got raped? What if they parked the bus on a deserted side of the road and kill me afterwards? This is why reading and watching horror and thriller stories is never a good idea for me. Thankfully, I am still alive and whole. In every way possible.

I spent the night playing Facebook games,because that's what cool teens do on weekend nights,not party all the way. So this friend of mine commented on one of my photos saying it was disgusting (she said yuck) because apparently I had ummm...some dirt thingy in my eyes on the photo. You judge.

I asked her if she was serious but she did not reply. Honestly,I was hurt. I still am, because all these years I never did or thought about anything that could hurt her. I guess friends do let you down every once in a while. I felt like she posted that on purpose,for everyone to see.She really likes proving to everyone that she is better than I am. Anyway, I really don't care anymore.

After all,it was not I who showed motives to her boyfriend. Yep,her boyfriend sent me messages on Facebook,asking for my number. Which I didn't give,by the way.

Thank God I have friends like M, Yasmina, and Mainia who stood up for me even when I didn't stand up for myself.

Sometimes I want to tell myself how horrible I am,but that would really hurt my feelings.

In Memory Lane...Again.

Look at this photograph...Every time I do it makes me laugh...

I'm toying with memories of the past again.That's so typical of me,I know.I just can't help it.

It's so hard to believe that so many years have passed,and so many things have happened already.My heart still feels young,like I'm still eight or ten,or maybe,fourteen. Back then,I was so eager to grow up and be a woman,have a husband and kids,a home to call my own, and go and visit my parents on Holidays. Now that I am close to that, I am not so sure anymore.

That's the problem with me.I change my mind a lot.I'm always uncertain... One day,I wanted to be a teacher. And then I woke up taking Food Technology in High School, and suddenly felt that I wanted to be a chef. I still want to be a chef,but I am just wondering... What if there's more to life than dreams and the future?

We keep worrying about the future.This I know,for on the rare occasions that I go out of the house to visit some neighbors, what they always talk about is the fact that they have no more rice to cook for tomorrow, or that the kid might be going to school with no lunch money. The funny thing is, they only talk about it; they never do anything to change their fates.

Anyway,enough of that,I guess. So why am I playing with memories again? Because I am so stressed right now,I don't know what to do. I have lots of things going on in my mind, and the past is the safest place for me to hide. I just miss running barefoot on what used to be a narrow dirt path in front of our house, or build haystacks in the rice fields during harvest season. I never get to do those things anymore. For one, I am too old for those, and two, I actually have no time.

When I was little I would feel like a princess, riding on a carriage that was pulled by a carabao. My grandfather owned a carabao, he still does. Those carriages were made to transport the rice sacks from the middle of the fields to the side of the road. It was so much fun, I felt free.

I guess I made these memories my sanctuary because I only remember what I want to remember. I find comfort in knowing that once when I was a child, classes were suspended because there was a storm. For three days,we stayed indoors with no electricity. I used to collect candle wax and round it up into a ball,then used a match stick for a wick. When the sun came up again one August afternoon, I was so happy to be outside the house again that I immediately went to play in the backyard. We had a papaya tree there, where I found a golden tortoise beetle. I loved golden tortoise beetles, and the colors they would project when hit by the sun.

I wish I had a photograph of all those precious moments when we all smiled and tackle hugged each other. They say photographs are good because they never change even if the people in them do, but don't they realize that photographs fade,too? That's why I rely on my memories. They are not that vivid now, I might get the faces wrong, but I clearly remember the exact emotions I felt during those days. No more,no less... And I wouldn't be lying to myself.

I Don't Know How It Gets Better Than This ;)

Heeeey, good evening.

Rain is pelting the roofs right now,and I could not ask for more.Sitting in the dark even though lights are available, sipping Coke in a Raspberry Juice bottle so no one would be suspicious that I am drinking Coke even though I really am drinking Coke,and just...writing about my feelings. It's the best.

I'm talking to my friends on the internet. Until now,I still cannot believe that I have made friends through technology.I mean,I was never the type who just went around saying hi and felt comfortable about it.I was never comfortable with people,that's why I used to wonder why I took up HRM,when it is all about meeting and greeting and serving different kinds of people every single day.

Anyway,I have changed a lot since February.I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without smiling while studying my face.Look at you,you still look the same,but you are an entirely different person.I aspired to be a better version of myself,and I'd like to think that I have,in a way,achieved it.

I don't know how I can thank these people for coming into  my life,you know? They've always been here through ups and downs,even when I am moody and pissy. Looking back,I cannot imagine how I managed to live before I met them.It seems to me now like I have always known this life,but in reality,it has only been five months or so.It feels like forever.

Right now,in my life,I could not ask for more.I mean,sure,I do not have everything,but I do have anything I could ever ask for.As long as life goes on like this,with the people who mean the world to me,I promise I'd get by.I am just so happy right now,and there's no particular reason why.

I guess I have just realized that I have to take the good with the bad.Problems are always blessings in disguise. I really really really love life...

Hi,This Is Not An E-Mail :D

YASMINA BERKEMEIJER

And time stands still beneath the air of waiting hours
To touch, just to feel a love that seems to overpower me
She's all I'll ever need
And you know her love just hypnotizes me
'Til All I see is beautiful

At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven
My Life, it seems so lonely here without your presence
You could change my everyday
And I could never think of love without your name
As you remain---

Beautiful--- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful--- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful--- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful--- making everything brand new
Beautiful you

And all this time you're changing me to something better
A love so high that everyday that we're together
I will leave the world below
Until your heart becomes the only thing I know

Yas,

The biggest and dorkiest grins break out of my face when i log on to MSN and see that I have an e-mail from you. Seriously, you don't know how happy you are making me.

You,just like the song I posted above,are beautiful. No other word could describe you. Beautiful doesn't even give you justice.

I know that you don't believe it,just like I don't believe it when people tell me that I am beautiful. See? We are always standing on the same ground,sailing on the same boat.Sometimes, I just want to call my Mom and ask if I ever happen to have a long lost twin or something.

You know what makes me smile in spite of all the wrong things in the world? The thought that if you are ugly,I am ugly too,and we'll be ugly together. Remember that? When we decided that how you see yourself is how you see me,and vice versa? Ever since then,I started looking in the mirror saying "hey beautiful" cause all I see is you.

Believe me,Yas. You are one of the prettiest girls I know,physically. Anyone who doesn't see that is just plain blind. Your heart shines too.It stands out from the rest of the world.I can see it even from here.

You're one of the few I trust right now,and talking to you always feels like summer breeze...easy, peaceful, calm, natural. With you, I cannot hide behind a fake smile, because you can always tell when something's wrong. You're the only one who asks "Are you okay?" and actually presses me to tell you what is bothering me.

I love you,and I don't think I can live without you. I mean I can,but I would never wish to. You're all I need,you know? A best friend, a mentor, an adviser, a sister... The list could go on forever.

Words would never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me.Just typing it all down makes my heart brim all the more with love and respect for you.I look up to you,really.

I want the rest of the world to acknowledge how great a person you are,but sometimes, I become selfish and I don't want them to find out how amazingly awesome you are cause they might steal you away from me. XD

Through hell and back,I'll follow you if I have to.That's what best friends do, but really..I'll do everything for you.

I LOVE YOU Lemonade XD

You're the bestestestest friend in the whole wide world.

~Seann

I Love Love Love You!

KATIE D' ALESSANDRO

O_o WHO IS THIS PRETTY GIRL ON MY BLOG!!!

Wow Katie,yes,I creeped on your Facebook page.I told you already,I love you in a creepy way.

Haha kidding!But really! Why are you this pretty! This is so unfair!

Okay,I'll talk now.

Katie.... The tweet you sent me tonight is just one of the things that will always make me smile. Thank you for that,and for always believing in me and my non-existent abilities. ;) You are one of the first few friends I have made over the internet,and you are one of the most entertaining among them. I can still remember when it was 2 pm here and it was 2 AM there, and we were planning on how we would nab Jackson Rathbone, cause we are so cool like that.

Our random conversations will always stay in my mind, and like a photo in someone's wallet,I will pull them out when I want to smile.You are definitely a beautiful girl, inside and out, and you deserve to be happy.

I miss talking to you,you know? I can't forget how funny it is when we talk about the most random things, and your reviews always make me smile.ALWAYS, Katie, every single one, because it is obvious that you put effort into them.Not only effort, emotions too.

I think I'll end it here or you'll start being creeped out.Hahaha. I love you,don't forget that beautiful! <3

~Seann

I Miss You.

I'm not gonna lie,I miss this blog.

God,it's been too long! I might probably be dead for sneaking out to use a PC in an internet cafe...But honestly,would you blame me?Could you blame me?

My life has been a mess these past few days,I mean,my laptop's ruined and I am yet to recover..and I already miss surfing the net using a PC!!!I don't know how much longer I could live.

Tomorrow I'll be out.We're going to Manila and cavite.Last night was one of the best nights of my life.believe it or not I spent it gazing at the skies,tracing patterns on the stars...with music on the background.

I miss Louise and Vicky.I feel like we've really drifted apart.They keep telling me nothing has changed but I'm not numb.I could feel it.It's okay though.It's my fault in the firsrt place.

Despite of that,I'm happy.I've made new friends like Liahn and Mary who never fail to remind me my true worth.I love them.They make me feel loved and accepted and I could never thank them enough for that.

Day by day I'm starting to realize how beautiful life is.For the first time,I guess,in my teen years,I'm starting to live each day as if it's my last,making the most of them and always reminding people how I love them,simply because I truly do.

This keyboard,though, is killing me,and they probably might be looking for me in the hospital,so I really have to go.Please help me pray for my laptop to work (miraculously) again so that I could maintain this blog as often as I like!!

P.S. Happy Earth Day!!|

Ciao for now. >.<

Love,

S.

Drunk Tweeting....Is Not A Crime

I've been spending too much time staring at Ashley Greene's picture on the internet.I think I need to change a little.It's not healthy anymore.

Hello,I almost forgot to greet you.I guess you're expecting to read another crazy blog entry,noh?Well I don't know....You might be disappointed.

I'm here to talk about my drunken tweets last night.No,I was not drunk with alcohol,and I never will be.I just had a little too much Pepsi in my system...So I was very hyper.And when I woke up today and read my previous tweets,man.Did I really say those? See for yourself.

I have just eaten a drunk gummi bear.I'm totally including this moment in my fanfic.

Will I be considered religious if I worship you and the band?Monkeyism...

Rathbone-ism? What do you call the worshippers...Rathboners?

I suggested to everyone that instead of actually laughing out loud we should just say LOL so now we're all saying LOL.including Mimi's Dad.

SMOJCALANTC (Trust me,you wouldn't want to know what this means.)

@decodelala i miss yew more ohyeahbaby!

@decodelala i missh you too like mashed potatoes and where is @vickyvictoria10?

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10 heeeee we're complete like mashed potatoes!!!

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10I'm peeled. :D

@VickyVictoria10 @decodelala I changed my mind.I'm not a potato.I'm a banana. *hint hint* @TheFakeJAction

@TheFakeBenG If I promise to be a good girl,will you tweet me?

@decodelala LMAO we do we do!!Like dora the explorer we did it we did it yeah!

@TheFakeBenG I was hoping you'd say you love me. D:

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10 I'm drunkbroken.

*stabs a sword straight to my heart*

@LoveLoveLove715 LMAO I'm happier now than when I was a kid when I had the pencil case with the second floor.Hahaha 

Sooooo I was a little crazy,noh? But it's all good. *nods* I slept at 4:00 am, holy yellow Porsche,maybe that's why I'm still sleepy...and dizzy...and hungry.Oh well.

Tomorrow I have a plan to watch a movie with Ham,but I haven't told my grandmother about it yet.I'm still contemplating whether to tell her the truth or to spice up the story with a little...you know,a little convincing lie...But lying is bad so I'd just tell the truth. *Sigh*

That's it for now.I'll post a very deep and meaningful post when I want to. Hehe.

Tata! ;)

Can You Keep A Secret?

I think I've done something great today.I feel so fulfilled but there's a catch: I can't tell you about it yet.I have to shut my mouth for at least two more weeks before I could blurt it out.I don't think I could hold it that long.

You see,I am so excited.And when I am excited,I could NEVER just cower in a corner and shut up about it--that's why I'm blogging now,to keep myself busy.To forget about how my hands are itching to buzz that person involved and spill the secret.

Still...I can't bring myself to fully concentrate on not telling the secret.I'm at the edge of my sanity.I need to keep it all in...But how? *insert confused evil laugh here*

I really want to say more but my hands are so shaking right now because my monkey man just opened up a Twitter account and I could not contain my excitement that I forgot all about the secret.Bye!

Best. Day. Ever. So Far ;)

Today,I'm thankful for summer.

I don't know why, I feel like this has been the highlight of my summer this year,so far.I mean,we've gone swimming and traveling these past few weeks but I've never been this happy.So here are the most important events of my day.

Last night,one of our raised hogs gave birth to 14 piglets, 13 of which died. Sad,I know.A piglet costs Php1,800.00 each in the least,I guess.Because of the super hot weather,the mother got weak and she could not get better anymore,so the veterinarian suggested that we just slaughter her so that we could still at least profit from the meat.My grandmother agreed,but she was almost crying.She loves animals,just like I do.

That hog weighed about 300 kilograms.Yes,she was big,really really big.We distributed the meat in the neighborhood,telling them to pay whenever they have the money.Originally,we could have sold the meat for about Php30,000.00, but because it was all so sudden,we can only expect half of the money.We did not profit.

When I woke up this morning,I walked to the refrigerator only to see it brimming with pork meat.Everywhere.My initial reaction was that I needed to throw up.Since I've seen Dread,I had this slight aversion to meat that would not go away.We had pork nilaga for lunch-my favorite,but I did not eat that much,because I really couldn't bear eating an animal that I once saw alive,which,if you are confused,means I don't eat the animals that we raised.I only eat those meat bought from the supermarket.

The time I was dreading for came today,too.If you are following me on Twitter you should know by now how these past few days,I came up with the most creative and imaginary excuses to not go to the bank.I had to,since Monday,because I had to pay my internet bill.I have been very lazy to get out of my room and get dressed and just pay.For so many times,I've said I'm going, but I always ended up stalling. To make it all short,I had the much needed enthusiasm to go today.

 My awesome procrastinating skill always gets in the way when I have to do boring things.

Since Cabanatuan City is an hour away,I decided to pay in BDO Talavera.I had to endure fifteen long minutes of boredom,riding a jeepney that was possibly slower than a turtle,and when I got there...BOOYAH!!!! The bank welcomed me warmly with a sign on the glass door that said: CLOSED. What.The.Hell.Good thing I brought my PSP with me.I blasted on some feel good music and told myself that since I was already dressed,I'd just go to another BDO branch--in Munoz.

Munoz is situated 30 effing minutes away from Talavera.You could even pass by my hometown on the way.So yeah,I arrived in Munoz quite exhausted, and then I realized that the bank is located far from the bus stop..well,too far for my liking.So I walked...for miles and miles...Okay,I just walked two long,dirty,and noisy City Market streets without an umbrella or any magic shield to protect me from the scorching heat of sun,and when I arrived...BOOYAH!!!!The bank was closed too.On the glass door,a note was also taped.It said: Hello Loser,today, April 9, 2010, is a non-working Holiday.We are closed,so go take your lazy bum back home and come back tomorrow,we will be here to save you.Well,to be honest,it only said that today is a holiday...But it sounded so harsh to me,I have no idea why.*Sigh* I have to go back tomorrow.

My very artistic representation of the distance I traveled today.I know,I'm  a great artist.Thanks!

I went home really disappointed until I found my aunt and sister skewering barbecues on sticks.That cheered me up a little.We had barbecues all afternoon,and I forgot about my meat aversion for a while.We also had tons of Coke and these really huge raisin muffins that I loved.They looked like those ones that Emily baked in New Moon.I completely forgot about my bank failure. ;) We had so much fun eating and cooking...And now,I am sooooooo full that I would not step out for dinner.

So there yah go with my detailed diary entry for today.It has been a hot summer day, but the afternoon was breezy.So far,today is my favorite day of Summer 2010. Staying at home can sometimes be a lot better than going out,I must admit.My sister and I had "So Long,Sweet Summer" and "Hands Down" on repeat on the stereo, and it was the best feeling ever!So that's it...I'm about to end the day with a session of stargazing.

Confession #3

I used to be left handed.

I learned to write my name when I was 4, and when I was in Kindergarten,I used to write using my left hand.One day,when I was doing my homework on an activity book,I was required to draw a star.It was then that my aunt first noticed that I was left handed.She taught me how to draw a star using my right hand,but it was so difficult that I insisted drawing it with my left.

When I graduated from Kindergarten,I still had lessons even during summer vacation so that I would not forget what I've learned.My aunt took that as an opportunity to train me to write using my right hand.When I entered elementary,I was right handed,and eventually forgot how to write with my left hand.

I took the seat that my teacher gave me,and when I stirred,I saw that my new seatmate,Eunica,was left handed.We managed to get ourselves through first grade,bumping elbows unintentionally every time we had to write on our notebooks.

Fairytales and Giggles:A Journey To My Past

I just want to share my thoughts before going to bed,cause yes,just like you,I always have this little thinking session before I finally close my eyes and drift off to a hopefully dreamless sleep.

In these little thinking sessions,I often get lost in a trance.My mind seems to like wandering off to the past or to the future,whichever I prefer to think about on a certain night.

Tonight,it's about fairy tales and giggles. It's about the past.

I just miss those days when I was little. I used to make forts out of our blankets.Sometimes I'd wrap them around my body,then go on parading around our shabby little house.Things like those used to make me happy.My favorite show was a noon time show, there was this segment called the "Calendar Girls". It was a beauty contest.It was what always inspired me to secretly snag my mother's make up and smear lipstick and mascara on my eyes, and all over my face.I can still remember bugging them to please take me to audition for "Little Miss Philippines" but they never got around to it.

As a child,I was a loner.I do play with kids my age but oftentimes,my parents and family were overprotective,since I was the only child in the family back then. My sister was born when I was five years old.Back to my little self,I used to spend every afternoon of everyday in Jollibee.That was because my aunt and I had a deal that whenever I get perfect scores on quizzes and exams,we'd go to Jollibee.I used to have every single toy they made.

We had this huge backyard where I liked to play alone,running around,talking to my doll,or picking blueberries.Yes,we did have a blueberry tree,and it was my best friend.When we had our house renovated,it was cut down,and I missed it.I was never that fond of milk,I preferred Milo or Sustagen.I could never live without them.

I lived an easy life back then.I was treated like a princess.What I wanted,I got. They used that method to motivate me in school.Whenever there was a poem to memorize,my mother would lock me up all afternoon in our bedroom,and I could never be let out until I memorized the damn verses.After that,she would take me to the store where I could pick everything I want,and she'd buy them.I always picked Ring Bee cheese sticks,only because I loved putting those sticks inside my ears or nose,and that always got me in trouble with my father.

I remember swallowing a 25 cent coin,and being operated because of the earring lock that got stuck in my ear.I remember overhearing my mother say she'd name my sister "Rhiza May", and I remember asking her to give my name to my sister instead,and give me the name "Rhiza May" in exchange.That's how much I hate my name.I remember climbing trees,sneaking out with my friends to the ricefields,dreading the time my father would find out that I sneaked out.

I remember bringing my best friend to our house.My parents were in the farm that day,so we raided the food cabinets,and found two kilograms of uncooked pasta.I remember putting water on a pot,waiting impatiently for it to boil,putting the pasta sticks eventually,and when they were tender,I sprinkled it with soy sauce, fish sauce, and ketchup. I would never forget my best friend's face when she took a spoonful of the sauce to try it.

I remember running on the street with my playmates--the rowdy boys and the prissy girls--playing hide and seek when the moon was bright.We also had to attend two of our friends' funerals, who both died of illnesses our young minds didn't have any idea about.Their parents asked us to play,to lighten the mood,and even though we were sad,we did,cause that was all we could do.We played several games which,in the end,had my face all messed up with charcoal doodles.

I remember bathing on the water irrigation system for the fields,resting under a tree shade in what seemed like the middle of nowhere.We used to play with haystacks,and then when we were bored,we would go to the pond and catch tadpoles using our bare hands.I got a lot of disciplinary acts for those,but they were fun times I would never regret.

I remember having this one doll,which I did not name,but I loved so much.I had her when I was two,I last saw her when I was 17.Now,I have no idea where she might be.She was the prettiest doll ever,and I would never forget the way I cried one morning when I saw that her neck was slashed open with a knife. Despite the inflicted wound,I could not afford to lose her,so I decided to keep her.I had so many toys,like a Teletubbies plushie,but they could never surpass the bond I had with my nameless doll,so my parents gave up in trying to replace her.

I still can't believe that almost 15 years have passed since all these happened.In my blurry memory that seems to choose the events and moments to save for me to remember,it's like they just took place yesterday.As I curl up in a ball,closing my eyes,I can still hear our giggles and screams,the fairy tales we used to write in small booklets of bond papers when we played "bookstore".I can still recall those moments,the sparkle in our eyes when we exchanged gifts for no apparent reason at all.It's like magic.It's like I don't want to pull away from this trance,reminiscing those days when innocence was so genuine,those days when instead of looking back on the happy things that just happened,I was looking forward to the brighter things that were sure to happen the next day.

Time really is a mist.You go to sleep on the night of your 5th birthday party,then the next morning,you'll wake up,and you're nineteen.

Confessions Of The Normally Abnormal, Usually Unusual

Yesterday, someone asked me if I have gone bonkers. The answer,of course,was no. "This is just me being normal,actually." :D

You might be wondering what lead to the question.This is exactly why today,I am having a confession...Confessions,actually.

Confession #1: The Gummy Bears' Demise

I like killing gummy bears. And I spell it as "gummii", to be honest. It's just cruel...But it makes me happy. I set the color for the day,then kill. Yesterday it was orange. They caused my Barbie's death, so I gave them punishment.I drowned some of them in a glass of Coke and I was amused.Ha! Taught them to be nosey. ;) Before the killing spree,though,I first organized a gummii wedding. An orange gummii bear's last wish was to marry a red gummii bear,so I agreed to do the wedding.After that, I beheaded them, leaving the gummi bride a widow.

Confession #2: The Soldier And The Pixie
You might find it strange for some reason,but I do ship Jackson and Ashley more than Robert and Kristen. You don't know who they are?Shame on you. That's Twilight's Jasper and Alice. I seriously hype up everytime I see a photo of them,or read an article,which is like,always.I am totally hooked,and no,I don't need psychological help,thank you very much.

That's it for today,since I have to run to the stupid bank to pay my internet bill or else I'll be disconnected.I would never want that to happen.I would rather die.Seriously! Okay bye!

I think I might make it a habit to post some confessions here. It's quite fun. ;)

Just A Quick Info

Uhmmmm hello! I've created a new blog entitled Reminiscing Something More Than Summer, wherein I plan to post personal photos and some stories behind them.I don't want to ruin the drama of Tales Of The 13th Street Sunset so I felt it is only right that I post personal notes in another blog. :D If you want to check it out, click HERE.

Thank you!

Jackson Rathbone Ate A Maggot

So Jackson ate a maggot...And when he looked at the camera and smiled, I was like, "what's my name again?". I love him to death. Ohmygollygosh. He is so HOTTT!I think I need a bottle of Coke now.I'm hyperventilating.