Let's Call It A Daydream

“She’s in love with someone else.” He sighed, looking at the pavement.

I patted his back gently, my hands rubbing circles to comfort him. “I know exactly how you feel.”

He turned to me, his eyes full of resentment. “No, you don’t. Nobody will understand, unless they’re on the same situation.”

I looked away, into the sun setting down the horizon. “Well, I am on the same situation.”

Surprised, he put an arm on my shoulder. “Tell me who he is.”

He was my best friend since we were kids. We kept no secrets, no inhibitions from each other. I took a deep breath, scared of what the outcome might be. But my heart was about to explode; I could not hold it all inside anymore.

“It doesn’t really matter. You’re in love with her.” I felt blood rush to my cheeks. I was never one to blush, but that moment was just to much for me to keep confident.

Again, he was surprised. Or taken aback, I really didn’t know. All I know was that his arm that was slung around my shoulder was there no more. He took a step away, confusion filling his sad eyes.

“That’s right.” I continued, still watching the five o’clock sunset. “I love you.”

I turned to look at him, in his eyes, but he quickly looked away. I was hurt, even though I didn’t have the right to be.

“I love her.” He said, rubbing his face with his palms.

I smiled, knowing there’s nothing I could do. I concealed the pain, the rejection. I tried hard to look happy for him. “I know.” I nodded, still smiling. “I know…”

He started walking away without a word. I was left by the shore, throwing rocks at the crashing waves. It was getting dark, but I didn’t care. Tears started spilling down my cheeks, destroying my happy facade.

I wonder how life manages to be so unfair.

Kismet

I made this a long long time ago. September 9,12009. Quite epic, 09/09/09 LOL.
I remember this was exactly how I was feeling that time. Song's Kismet by Silent Sanctuary.

A Promise Beyond The Kiss Of Death

Tonight,I remember him.

Sitting under the stars,looking at the brightest one,I'm holding on to his promise.

"I'm always with you..." He said. And even now he's gone for weeks, months, I'm not giving up.

I threw another crumpled paper on the trash. Miss. My bedroom floor is strewn with crumpled papers. I'm writing to him again, like I always do. Tonight, my pen is being stubborn. It would blot, or spread splattered ink, ruining my letter. Oftentimes I spell some words incorrectly, so I decide to start a new. No way would I send him a letter with erasures. He only deserves to read perfectly handwritten ones.

So again, I scribbled as carefully as I can. I poured my feelings on the words, making sure I'm not holding the pen way too hard. I did my best to practice this calligraphy to perfection.

Anyway, he's too far away from me now. I couldn't reach him by phone...It's only through letters that we communicate. He answers my letters through the wind...Peculiar, I know.

Two years ago, he asked me to leave him...I didn't. It's all my fault, but how could I? How could I just run away and never look back when I love him this much?

"Run!" He screamed at me that night. I was frozen, my limbs were unmoving as I tried to reach out for him.

It was the night of our third anniversary. We were walking hand in hand, laughing as we strolled the park. It was dark, he was carrying the life sized teddy bear he gave me, while in my arms was a bouquet of red roses.

"I love you." He whispered before kissing the tip of my nose.

That's when we heard them. Shuffling feet, faint laughter. His grip on my hand got tighter as we continued on our track.Nervously, I hang onto him, linking my arm with his.

"When I ask you to run, you should run." He whispered. "Don't look back, no matter what happens, no matter what you might hear."

They showed up round the bend when we were about to turn back.

"Look who's here." Said the one who looked like the leader. "Lover boy."

I knew him. He was my suitor but I didn't like him. He held a grudge that I loved my guy.

"Happy anniversary." They mocked while forming a circle around us. "We have something for you."

"Don't touch her!" The love of my life screeched. "Don't you dare touch a strand of her hair!"

They just laughed. "Choose, motherf*cker." The gang leader kicked his side. "Your life, or her dignity?"

"Kill me." He answered without hesitation.

"No! No!" I screamed, banging my arms against the bad guys. They were strong, though.

"Run!" He instructed. Quickly, I took out my phone and dialed 911. They didn't know it, and I was careful not to make them notice.

"Run, please, run!" He pleaded.

"No!" I answered stubbornly. I couldn't leave him like this.If he dies, we'll die together. That's what I told myself. "I wouldn't leave you here on Sunset Park." I made my voice loud enough, hoping against hope that someone was hearing me on the other line.

"Well then, you have chosen." The devil spat as he kicked my boyfriend yet again. "Death." He laughed evilly.

"Don't look." My angel whispered in a hoarse voice. "i don't want you to remember me like this."

I was crying so hard. Choking in my own breath, drowning in my own tears. "Please, no..."

From a distance, police sirens were quickly approaching. I felt hope. "Thank God, thank God." I muttered under my breath, looking up as I spoke.

Just then, when I smiled at the brightest star,the sound of a gun filled the eerie silence with dread. Inside me, I know what just happened. I know who's gonna cry. I know who's hurt. I know everything but I denied it.

Painstakingly, I looked down, hoping to see it was all just a dream. Fate was cruel, times were hard. Life had a way of making me smile like there's no tomorrow, then suddenly leave me hanging on the edge. I didn't look at him. My white teddy bear had a red spot on its chest. Blood...

Instantly, I cradled him in my arms. He was gasping for air, reaching for my face. I leaned down to kiss him, he bathed in my tears.

"Don't leave me..."

"I'm always with you." He still managed to smile. "Happy anniversary. I'll be the air you breathe..." He took his last breath, then died in my arms.

Since then, I started writing to him. I wrote to him about everything--my life, my problems, the heartaches I deal with, and my day to day struggle to accept the fact that he's gone.

Where are you? I wrote. Why can't I feel you? I feel so alone. I wish you never left me...

It has been a year since that fateful night. In my sleep, I could still hear the sound of the gun.It still gives me the creeps. Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep, wishing he was there. I will never regret not running away when he asked me to. I knew they'd kill him anyway. It just annoys me that they left me alive.

I folded my letter carefully, then tied it to the end of a balloon's string, then gently, with tears in my eyes, I let it go.

I lose track of it in the darkness, but somehow, I know it would reach him. "Happy anniversary..." I whispered helplessly. "Now, more than ever, I wish you were here..."

I lay in bed, unmoving, sobbing tearlessly. I want to hug him, to be able to hold him...To feel him beside me, but I can't do a thing.

The next morning, I woke up to a butterfly resting on my shoulder. Not far from our neighborhood, there were fireworks in the sky. He's here. I know it...

The Girl Dressed in Sunshine

She was wearing a yellow summer dress, dancing with the wind, it went. A stroll at the park was what she needed; today, she has finally moved on.

A hat was perched on her head. Her soft curly hair was shining with the sun, while tree branches above her swayed, swayed.

Cherry blossoms, their petals on the ground, some were flying with the butterflies. She could never be any happier.

It took her a whole year to get over him. Deep inside her, she never really forgot, and she never will; she would always love him, even if they parted without saying goodbye.

All around her, there were flowers. From a distance, she could hear the faint laughter of little children flying their kites. Families were strolling about. Picnic mats covered the ground, but she didn't see any need for it--she loved feeling the grass against her skin. That's the only way she could be with him; her memory wasn't enough...She needed to feel that he was there. She needed to feel that somehow, they were still together.

"Flowers, Miss?" A little boy asked, sitting beside her. Her back was pressed against a tree-their tree. She ran a hand on the carvings at its bark. He carved it on their anniversary. It was their initials inside a heart. Typical, she said. He just shrugged and told her that's how they should always be-together, enclosed with love.

A tear came running down her cheek as she thought of him. She has accepted their fate, but she still couldn't deal with it. Losing a loved one was never easy for her.

"Who's he?" The little boy asked as he passed a handkerchief to her.

"Thanks." She mumbled, wiping her tears away. She looked down at the boy whose eyes burned with curiosity, the need to feed his mind with information.

"He's right here..." She whispered, lightly tracing lines on a stone. "The love of my life."

The boy was even more confused. "What happened?"

She looked down on the ground. She didn't stop caressing the stone. It's cold, hard feel was not suitable for summer, but she felt better. She could go on doing that forever. She caught the boy's attention, then asked for the flowers. Gently, she laid them on the stone.

A single tear dropped again from her eye, quenching a rose petal's thirst as it caught it's fall.

"He left me." She whispered, sobbing now.

Standing up, she gave the stone one last glance. Together by heart, it read.

She started walking away from the grave. Instantly, she felt a cool gush of wind envelope her in an embrace. He had never forgotten his promise. He was still there, loving her.

"I love you, too..." She whispered.

For the first time in almost a year, she felt him. Happiness came flooding her heart...

...And she smiled.

Today Was A Fairytale, Finally!

Why?

*I watched 'Miss You Like Crazy' and it was actually good. :)
*I cough*borrowed*cough my sister's black ruffled shirt and it kinda looked good on me. :D
*I got in Pro!!!!
*I got new story reviews and my readers are great. :)
*Caitie Uhlmann said I made her heart smile.
*Andrea Kelley said I am the sweetest thing. :) which just gives justice to my blog address. :D
*Mary Kasnias said my words made her smile. :)

and lastly.... Caitie Uhlmann followed ME. *faints*

My Modern Day Heroes

An essay I wrote for Creative Writing for a Summer Workshop I enrolled at. This will make or break my chances of entering the 'Pro' Category. *Fingers Crossed*




Sometimes,people who hate you are inevitable; it's part of life.
They'd do anything to harm you, to hurt you.
But me,while everyone else run away from their destruction, I face it.
Sometimes,it's hard to just stand there and watch them destroy what you've struggled to build for a long time.
This is what I tell myself: Let them be, Ashley loves you.
Don't mind them, Caitie loves you.
It's okay, Andrea loves you.

Somehow, even though there might not be truth in those words, I still find comfort at the thought that maybe, just maybe, there's a little chance that it might be true.

Originally, I would have crowned my grandmother as my hero. She is, and she will always be. My level of respect for her is something no one, and nothing, can ever surpass. There's just something about these girls that magnetize me--it's like water for a dying fish.


They are actresses, sure, it's very typical for a girl like me to look up to them. Crazy as it sounds, I don't see them as actresses. They are nice and sweet. They are not attitude divas and they stay true to everyone, especially to themselves, all the time.


Acting is their job, their passion. But beneath those facades of cheery smiles and expensive make ups, they are some people's daughters. They are students, they are sisters, they are some lucky people's friends. That's the reason why I look up to them-not because they are famous, but because they are good people.


Caitie Uhlmann always says she's not worthy of idolization-something I want to contradict, because she is. They all are. The fact that they stand up for their beliefs and do whatever they can to help others is reason enough for people to idolize them. And then, their friendship...It is a very strong bond that one is ready to give her life for the other. It's the kind of friendship people spend their whole lives looking for, and die finding nothing. It is very rare.

What makes me happy is this: in a way, they are just like me. We all share something in common. At the end of the day, after they've washed their faces and changed into pajamas, they're just girls like me. I know that somehow, like me, they've fallen in love with a best friend, dealt with skin problems, dreamed of their own weddings, had their hearts broken, or skipped classes (uhm, unintentionally) to nurture a friend's broken heart--as ordinary as we could all ever be. I know that when they go to sleep at night, they think about the future, too, or their parents, their families. It reminds me that life could be lonely at times, but I am not alone.

When I was younger, people always asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. My answer was always just the same: I want to be a teacher. But as they say, people change. I am now a culinary student, a future chef, who dreams of being a writer. You could say I'm confused, but I am not. I just want to achieve so many things. Caitie also said we should regret nothing from our past because that's what brought us to where we are exactly standing today. There's just one thing I want to change. Had I known that time that they exist, instead of saying my usual answer, I'm pretty sure I could have said this: I want to be like Ashley, Caitie, Andrea, Ellie, or Mary. Right now, that's all I want to be,and I'm close to achieving it.

**
Hello Sir Ralph...So you see, they are beautiful girls. I hope I pass. Haha! :)

Seann and Rani Invade LA!

"Yay!" I shouted as I waited for my flight at the airport. God, delayed flights are no fun, especially when you're going somewhere closest to heaven.

Finally, I was on the plane. I have no friggin idea how long the flight had been, I fell asleep. The next thing I know, I was there. My heaven, and angels were waiting for me.

Excitedly, I ran to their open arms, squealing as loud as I can. Would you blame me for that? No, I guess not, if you were in my shoes.

"Oh my God, Oh my God!!!" I jumped up and down as they gave me a welcoming hug. "Is this true?!"

"Of course it is!" Andrea laughed. Andrea. Andrea Kelley. Oh. My. God.

"OMA!" I giggled, enclosing her in a very tight hug.

I can't believe it!Beside me were the angels I've met so many times in my dreams, and now I'm with them!

"We're still waiting for someone." Ashley smiled as she held my hand. I shyly pulled away, then wiped it with a handkerchief,cursing my sweaty palm silently.

Minutes later, a pretty Indonesian girl came running to us. "Hey guys!" She squealed like I did, launching herself to the angels-Andrea,Ashley,Caitie,Ellie,and Mary.

"Seann!" Rani exclaimed as we both started clapping our hands. We couldn't stop giggling excitedly,we still couldn't believe our fortunate fate.

It was one of those days when these angels got bored. They thought of ways to execute boredom, and came up with a great idea: picking a random person on Twitter and giving them an exclusive meet and greet and live and shop with them for a week.
One lucky person won, and guess who that was? ME!!!

I was surprised to receive a call on my phone saying I won that price. At first I thought it was a prank call, but then all the girls talked to me and I was grinning from ear to ear seconds after.

"You said it's good for two people?" I asked. They said yes, and for a moment, different names came popping in my mind. I weighed my options carefully, I wanted to bring someone who deserved it. then, a name flashed on my mind: RANI!

So I asked them if it's okay if I would bring someone from Indonesia,I mean,we're from two different countries, that must be a lot of work and stuff,but they agreed! So there we go, Rani and I,on the most important days of our lives. :D

Rani Nugros is just as obsessed with them as I am.:) Hey Rani! I love you!

On our first day in LA, we all went shopping because Rani and I didn't have enough clothes.Err,we did have enough clothes, but they're not fashionable enough for LA,so Caitie suggested that we go shopping. Rani and I were more than happy to agree,and yes,it's their treat!

We ate at a fancy restaurant that night. We partied till the sunrise. The next day, we were all too wasted to go out so we bonded by staying in their apartment and cooking our meals. We watched sappy romance movies. At the end of The Notebook,we were all trying to hide our sobs. Their make ups were smeared and I couldn't help but laugh as I realized what we all looked like: messy hairs, baggy eyes, and the apartment was a total mess. Andrea and Caitie looked cute in their pink pajamas, while Ashley, Mary, and Ellie were all wearing short shorts and tank tops. They were all stunning.

Third day-we were seriously headed to watch 100 Monkeys live in LA. Rani and I couldn't contain our joy any longer. Again, we were screaming like school girls. Mary and Ellie even covered their ears with their hands because we were so noisy, but we can't help it! We're crazy for Jackson!

This is it, this is it! I muttered under my breath as the band started setting their instruments on the stage. Everyone was there, but I couldn't see Jackson. I was craning my neck, standing in tiptoes,too eager to see him that I can't wait for another minute. Suddenly, the lights went out in a click. The band started playing a familiar song, Smoke. I exhausted myself screaming as I heard his voice. I could now see the top of his head; he was wearing a red bandanna,his forehead was covered in sweat; his voice was sexy. My mouth was hanging open,for a moment,I thought I might have forgotten how to breathe---and then someone nudged me on the shoulder.

"We're here." My sister beamed.

I looked around,brows furrowed in confusion. From a distance, I could hear the faint sound of water crashing on the rocks. Then, it all sank in.

WTF, I was daydreaming. D:

**This happened in real life. The daydream, I mean.
Special guest: Rani Nugros
Haha! Let's keep dreaming, Rani.

Sunsets

There is nothing more musical than a sunset. He who feels what he sees will find no more beautiful example of development in all that book which, alas, musicians read but too little - the book of Nature.
Claude Debussy

What is it with sunsets that capture me? Everyday, when I see one, I grow more thankful that I am alive; that I am, once again, able to witness one of God's most precious creations.

The sunrise also holds an appeal to me, of course, like it does to any other person, but I can't explain the bond I share with the sunset-it is, indeed, something inexplicable.

On the road, when I'm traveling with my family, or with anyone else, or even when I'm alone, for that matter, and my earphones are plugged in my ears, I always choose a seat that would allow me to face west. While soft music lull me to tranquility, patiently, I wait for the sun to retreat down from its throne, while the moon claim its place in the nighttime sky. Oftentimes, it would all be orange and pink battling for dominance above, but when I am lucky, the skies would sometimes be splattered with linear patterns of blue, green, and purple. And that's when I'd crane my neck, looking up, as tree branches sway above me.

When I'm at home, it's better. I sit on a rock or go up the roof and lie...Just lie there till my favorite time comes. I am not pessimistic; people tend to say I am just because I love the sunset. I just like reflecting on how good or bad my day has been. I like ending it that way. It energizes me. It makes me hope and look forward to a prettier sunset the next day.

I don't know...Even I don't understand myself. When I'm sitting somewhere, watching the sunset, it's like the world's most beautiful mute movie is playing before me. No words need to be spoken, everything is said in silence.

Fab Friday

I totally suck in making diary entries, so here goes nothing.

It's Friday, and I have no classes. So what did I do? Yes, you got it right.

Woke up late (11:00 AM, we'll that's still early for me), had hotdogs for lunch (they're not Purefoods Tender & Juicy, so I was a little unhappy) , then spent the whole afternoon in front of my computer.

I am officially addicted to Twitter. It's fun. Yesterday, I have 30+ followers. Today, they're 47. I don't even know why the hell these people followed me. I'm sure they're not at all interested in my latest useless musings...But whatever, as long as they want to follow, who am I to stop then? I guess it's the assurance that I'd follow them back. Oh well...

I browsed through my favorite people's profiles (which includes Ashley Greene, Caitie Uhlmann, Andrea Kelly, Rani Nugros, Louise) I wish they don't freak out...It's not like I'm stalking them anyway. I just wanted to find out what's new. ;P So yeah... I've come across Andrea Kelley's amazing picture which never ceases to captivate me. She really reminds me of a lonely princess whenever I see that photo...And it inspired me to write a poem for her. It was a little tragic. I was not confident with my writing, though, so even if I could easily send it to her through Twitter, I never did. I was surprised when I read her latest tweet (below) saying she read it and that she was in tears. I was like, WTH? Where did she get it? And for a moment, I was really not moving until it all sank in.

The tweet that made my day.

I really, really didn't expect her to even stumble upon it on the web. I asked her where she found out about it. Her answer? "A little birdy sent it to me ;)". And boy, whoever that little birdy is, I owe him/her my life. For five minutes when it all dawned in, I was on my bed, jumping up and down. Seriously. My grandmother was like, "What made you so hyper again?". I told her all about it but she'd never believe me! Okay, that didn't bother me in the least. Andrea Kelley is so nice. The fact that she liked it made my day. And then she's in tears...I was...dumbfounded. Andrea Kelley? In tears? Because of something I wrote? Enlighten me. She even asked me if she can post it. I can't even explain how it made me feel. I told her she made my day....And she said I made hers. Gosh...

Okay, after that, I can't recall anything that happened after. I'm in ecstasy....Everything else is now a blur. I love Andrea Kelley as much as I love Ashley Greene. :)

It's really incredible when you do something for someone and your efforts don't go wasted...

Imaginary Fireworks

Colors. Sparks.
They light up the skies.
My skies.
Somehow, they're unreal.

Crashing.Roaring.
They shout right at my ears.
It's useless.
It's only you I hear.

Behind me is darkness.
Next to me is emptiness.
I close my eyes to feel you,
You're never there.

Fireworks,it rained.
Bathing the heavens with glowing neon tints.
Looking up, I saw you.
Slowly, you faded away.

You reached out a hand to me.
These fireworks were imaginary.
I took your hand.
I'm woken from my dreams.