Where Is Your Faith?

Give up something for Christ's sake...

Today,I went to our Sunday Worship Service to hear our Pastor preach.I really need a bible,since my bilingual bible is somewhere out there,I don't know where.I can't find it.Anyway,the bible scripture that we read today was Luke 8:23-25, where it said....

As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.

The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.

"Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

I just thought it was a very good topic,our Pastor asked us to go to the next level of faith,but it's not that easy.Why?

Because we worry too much about the most mundane things when in reality,they shouldn't really matter all that much to us.Today,I have realized that in order to take the higher step in the ladder of faith,I have to give up something for God,so that I can lift myself up and reach Him.

What do I have to give up for Him?

My burdens.The things that trouble me.The dark thoughts in the back of my mind.I have to give them up and let Him work on my life,because He is planing something good for me.I just have to be faithful enough and trust Him,cause only He knows what's best.Think about this...

A woman was boarding the bus.She had loads of stuff hanging by her arms,while her baby was clinging to her chest.She had a shoulder bag,and she could barely walk because she had too many things.A man helped her board the bus.


As soon as she got on the bus,the man told her to sit comfortably and let go of her bags and baskets,but she wouldn't.


"I can't just let go of this," she said, "I'll be fine.Someone might steal them away."


She held on to her belongings and her baby the whole time,thus making the journey very uncomfortable for her.

See,if the woman had faith enough that God wouldn't let anything bad happen to her,she could have had a comfortable journey,but instead,she clung to her bags for dear life.

That's what we usually do. We cannot let go of the things that hurt us,of the things that bother us,that's why we are trapped in the past and never moving forward.I'm not talking about burden itself,I'm talking about all kinds of burden.You see,it comes in many forms.

It can be a best friend that influences you in the wrong way.It can be your problems or vices,or the hatred you feel towards someone.These things are hard to let go of and just forget about,but in order to grow spiritually,we have to.Because these things put up a barrier between who we are now and who we could become-a better and happier person.

Today,I could say I am in a boat in the middle of that ocean,and there are storms and winds,but I am unafraid,because God is with me,and I have faith in Him.No matter what happens,I leave it all up to Him,and I know He shall make me better...

I hope that somehow,I've inspired someone,anyone,with this post.Let go of whatever burdens you,yes,YOU.God has an awesome plan for you.Upgrade your faith,and He shall bless you with everything and more.

I'm leaving you with my current favorite piece from the Bible.I first read this one during our CBA Youth Camp last May 3-6,and I fell in love with it.I think it suits this topic,too.


Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house

because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying. As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him.

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her.

She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."

But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.

Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

~Luke 8:41-48

Faith.It transforms everything...

The Wait

I'll be back, you said. That was all I really needed to hear.

For years,I sat by the window,waiting for your return. I watched the raindrops splash into the glowing pavement, and chased butterflies in the garden during the Summer.

Wishing you were there to hold me close,like you always used to do.

Not a day passed by that somehow,at some point,I did not think about you.

Why can't I just go with you? I asked,my eyes were rubbed out,swelling,as I cried for you.

I cried for you...

Your old gray shirt somehow comforted me.I wore it at night,when there were thunderstorms and I was much too terrified to sit by the window and wait.

I cuddled with your shirt,inhaling your scent that was barely there.Sometimes,I inhaled so deeply that I ran out of breath,desperately trying to catch the fragrance and hold it in my lungs.It was the only way I could hold you in me.

When I celebrated my birthday,I looked myself in the mirror and somehow found that I was not the girl I used to be.Everything has changed,but my feelings for you remained the same.Untouched,unfathomable. I whispered Happy Birthday to myself, concentrating hard on mimicking your voice to perfection,so that I would feel that you were there,celebrating with me.

When times were tougher,I would lock myself up in my room and just whisper your name.I talked to you like you were always with me,like you were never gone at all.I told you about my days,about my wait,my patience,and my faith that one day you would walk through that door again,and I would be there,throwing my arms around you,and you would know how much I have missed you.

I hugged myself in bed,and I never forgot to say my good night to you,like a prayer,before I go to sleep. I once stayed awake all night,awaiting your return,staring at the ceiling,projecting virtual memories of the times I spent with you.I was so into it that when the bubble showed you turning your back from me,I began to sob and plead.

Don't walk away. Don't leave me again...

 And I woke up to the sound of the chirping birds and passing cars,and I hugged my pillow tight because it was the only thing I could do back then,because you were not there.

You were never there.

Last night,I set the table for dinner,turned off all the lights and lit a candle.The table was filled with your favorite food; there were roses and daffodils in cut glass bowls around me. I set two plates across each other on the table,and poured wine on the glasses.The sound of it touching the bottom of the glass was almost intoxicating.I felt your presence,and I knew,I just knew,that you'd be dining with me.

And so I put on my best smile and tried not to cry.

Happy Birthday,Mom. I whispered into the dark, and right at that moment, nineteen years didn't seem too long a wait.It was worth it.

Because for once,you were back,and your voice that I heard,saying that you loved me, was not a product of my imagination anymore.

It was real,and you were,too.

I hugged the telephone before putting it back on its cradle,trying my hardest to capture that moment forever.With my eyes closed,I held on to the last flimsy strand of hope that maybe you thought about me as much as I thought about you while the distance between our feet lingered.Maybe I had you beside me all along...

Don't go,I sobbed when you said goodbye.

On the other line,I heard you sigh. I'll be back.

And that was all I really needed to hear.

I Don't Know How It Gets Better Than This ;)

Heeeey, good evening.

Rain is pelting the roofs right now,and I could not ask for more.Sitting in the dark even though lights are available, sipping Coke in a Raspberry Juice bottle so no one would be suspicious that I am drinking Coke even though I really am drinking Coke,and just...writing about my feelings. It's the best.

I'm talking to my friends on the internet. Until now,I still cannot believe that I have made friends through technology.I mean,I was never the type who just went around saying hi and felt comfortable about it.I was never comfortable with people,that's why I used to wonder why I took up HRM,when it is all about meeting and greeting and serving different kinds of people every single day.

Anyway,I have changed a lot since February.I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without smiling while studying my face.Look at you,you still look the same,but you are an entirely different person.I aspired to be a better version of myself,and I'd like to think that I have,in a way,achieved it.

I don't know how I can thank these people for coming into  my life,you know? They've always been here through ups and downs,even when I am moody and pissy. Looking back,I cannot imagine how I managed to live before I met them.It seems to me now like I have always known this life,but in reality,it has only been five months or so.It feels like forever.

Right now,in my life,I could not ask for more.I mean,sure,I do not have everything,but I do have anything I could ever ask for.As long as life goes on like this,with the people who mean the world to me,I promise I'd get by.I am just so happy right now,and there's no particular reason why.

I guess I have just realized that I have to take the good with the bad.Problems are always blessings in disguise. I really really really love life...

Hope

A gift.

A curse.

I didn’t know what I have.

The way.

The course.

The face of the man I love.

I traveled.

I lived.

I longed to meet him.

My past.

My humanity.

I searched,but it was dim.

I ran.

I fought.

I was alone and lonely.

I waited.

And waited.

I waited until he found me.

A monster.

A killer.

I was  the fear of many.

A puppet.

A fool.

I thought love has found me.

I ran away.

Far away.

Until fate intervened.

I was lost,he found me.

I was dying,she saved me.

She held out her hand.

He took it without stopping.

For the first time in years,

The puzzle was complete.

And we felt hope.

It's Just Another Day

I sit on the front steps of our house. It's a cold morning, but beautiful nonetheless. I wonder if people see the same things as I do.Gently,I rub my eyes and yawn. Fog is covering up the city.

"What are you thinking,doing nothing here?" My Momma asks. "Go to work,you fool!"

I reluctantly obliged. It is Sunday, but I have to work on Sundays to keep the family alive.In fact,I have to work every day,no rest.

I put on my daintiest clothes,and by daintiest, I mean an old donated shirt and a greasy pair of shorts. I sit on the dining table, my Dadda is not here, and like the usual, we do not eat in silence.

My five siblings fight for more food,food that does not exist;or at least,not in our plates.My Momma feeds herself and then scolds them; she pinches my little brother's arms.

"Goodbye,Momma." I say, giving her a hug before I head off for work.I already know what to expect.

She pries me away from her,annoyed. "Go now and bring money home!" She scolds, "We cannot live with these hugs and hugs alone."

"Yes,Momma." I say, cause all I want is to please her.

Outside, it is cold and the streets are wet. It has just rained last night,washing away the dirt in the road.Sometimes, I wish the rain can wash away my fears,too.

I skip from one street to another,looking for the best place to work. My feet bring me to the Church, so off I enter to pray.

I kneel before God and ask not for any material things, but for forgiveness.


I'm sorry for not being the daughter that my Momma needs.


I'm sorry for whatever trouble my Dadda is causing You right now.


I'm sorry for every single swear word that comes out of my siblings' mouths.


I'm sorry if sometimes, I blame You for all the wrong in my life.

I sit outside the church, just watching the people around me. If Momma sees me like his,she would scold me for wasting precious time,and maybe give me a slap or two across my cheeks,but I watch. I watch a mother hold her little daughter's hand,they are smiling at each other. She buys her a cone of ice cream...Oh,what I wouldn't give to have a taste.

I watch a man buy his son a blue balloon,playing with him all the while.I envy that boy;my Dadda rarely goes home,and when he does,it's either he's drunk,or he needs money for gambling.It doesn't matter though.It makes me happy to see him every once in a while.

It is afternoon now,and I still haven't got a single penny in my pocket.I look around,everyone is busy..Walking, talking, laughing, pushing each other off the road. It's funny how life goes on for some people while you badly want to end yours.

I walk over to a fastfood joint,a kind hearted lady gives me her half eaten burger.Ah,this will do.I sit on the curb,ready to eat my late lunch,when they came.

"Hey...A burger!"

I hid the food behind me. "Yes it is."

"Give it to me." The leader says, pulling my hair.

"No,this is mine!Earn your own food!"

"Ah,you're brave now,huh?" With that,he gives me one jab on the stomach,takes my food,and walks away laughing with his gang.

I lie on the dirty pavement, writhing in pain. I position a tin can on the side walk, calling "alms, alms" to the passers by,who normally throw me one glance, and occasionally put a penny or two in my can.

Evening comes and my earnings are still not enough. The skies are dark,signaling another starless night, another rain.

And I am not wrong.Minutes later it rains,and I have nowhere to turn to. I am soaked, my clothes are dripping wet, but I cannot go home just yet.

"Alms... Alms..."

But nobody seems to listen. Times like this,I appear invisible to everybody. After all, who am I?

I am just a five year old,asking for spare money.It is not the society's responsibility to give me some.

I start walking home,crying,because I know what is waiting for me. As I brave the storm, a battle is ensuing within me. Shall I just let the flood carry me to where I should be? Or will I swim against the current to where I want to be?

As I lay the coins on the table,I wait for the worst to happen. I watch the shadows dance against the walls of our poorly lit hut while my Momma count the money.

"This," she hisses at me,holding up my chin. A tear streaks down my face, and I start to shiver with fear. "Is simply not enough!"

"I'm sorry, Momma." I cry, but we both know she would not listen anyway.

She turns her back on me,lighting up a cigarette. "You will have nothing for dinner."

With that, my night ends, and I cry myself to sleep, clenching my rambling stomach.The crickets sang me a lullaby, and as soon as I close my eyes,I can't help but whisper...

It's just another day.

I Desperately Need You...

Just tell me what you want...

Cause I can't figure your mind out. All my life,I have been longing for love and acceptance. From you, from my Mom, from my sister, from my friends...I've tried so hard to be the best,not for myself,but for all of you...Because you made me feel like I am only loved when I went home with a gold medal in hand, with a Certificate to hang on the wall. If not for them, I would never be part of this family.

For two consecutive nights,I went to bed hungry because you didn't make dinner. One morning before going to school, you never spoke to me directly,but you made sure to make loud banging noises whenever you put down whatever it was you were holding, which was quite often.

It hurt me,but you didn't know.Did you even care? Do you even care?

I accidentally put on my sister's pants and she came to you almost crying because of it.Even though we wear the same size,you bought her a new pair immediately.You said that was what I got from my Mom, the habit of taking the things I didn't own.Did you know how painful that was for me?Not only because you were directly puttig me to shame,but also because I knew that in one way or another,you would always make it a point to rub it on my face how bad my Mom would always be.I was eating lunch and I asked you if we had any other available drink other than water, you made me a pitcher of orange juice. Guess what? You made me pay for the juice.

Today was not any better than those days. It was even worse, or perhaps it was the worst. You accused me of stealing my necklace from you. Why would I do that? I may be in dire need of money but I would never dream of stealing anything from anyone just to be able to cater to my needs. This, by far, is the most painful thing anyone has ever done to me.

I said no,I didn't.What was your response? You told me that it was impossible for it to just disappear like that. I don't even have the slightest idea where you put those jewelries. You're the one who's so fond of wearing them every Sunday to Church just so you could show them what we have,what we own.You said it was impossible for you to have misplaced or lost it,when in reality,the chances of you losing it is as fat as the chances of you losing a peso.You think you are so great as to not lose a piece of jewelry when as far as I know,you left it somewhere in your room,completely vulnerable and unkept.

You know,I may not be the best person in the world, but I have fear in God, and my conscience can never take such a thing. I'd rather starve to death than take what is not rightfully mine.I wish for just once you would believe me,but knowing you,you have already made your mind in what you should believe in before you asked me.

I wish you have the faintest idea of how your treatment is pushing me to the limits every single time.I pretend I'm alright,but you are my biggest fear.I am so scared of disappointing you,and when you are around I move as little as possible because I don't want to yet again make another stupid mistake in front of your observant eyes.I don't know what to do anymore to be able to please you...I think I'm growing tired...

I wish someday you'd see me as a person too...How long will it take for you to realize that I have feelings too...? That everytime you tell others how much better my sister is,it hurts,because I know that you know that I can hear you...I don't know what I did for you to treat me like trash, but if you think I'm this worthless, then why don't you just throw me out?

I may be of better use to someone else...

Can This Be Love?

 Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I love the feeling it’s giving me now…

At night, I toss and turn, thinking about him, his smile, studying his face in my memory. Do I remember his face right? Is the cute dimpled cheek on the left? Or should that be on the right? I browse my phone, reading and rereading his messages, looking for clues, hidden meanings, or just reading them to make me smile. It never fails. He gives me sleepless nights.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I am not sure of this feeling somehow…

When I see him, it’s like what happens in the movies. Everything stops, if only for a minute, and our surroundings are a blur. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world, just us two. But when he passes by and smiles, I don’t know what to do. Shall I smile back, say hi? He makes me nervous whenever he’s around. I feel self conscious, as if his eyes are only for me. Somehow, I am happy, and scared, too. If he holds out his hand, shall I put my heart in it and trust him not to break it? When that smile breaks on his face, I feel like everything is possible. I feel like I can do anything… I will do everything, just to see him smiling.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? The voce inside me is guiding me now…

It’s telling me now to take his hands… When I hear his voice, I tremble inside. My heart fills immediately with inexplicable joy, it forgets about all the burdens. It tells me to take the chance and fall, even though I might not land back safely in his arms. What is this I’m feeling? Can this be love? Just the mere sound of his name blown by the wind to my thoughts is an intricately weaved lullaby, luring me to keep my eyes close and dream. It makes me feel peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong. If I take the risk and shut my mind down, I’m his. I’m his, to make or break, and try as I might, I just couldn’t tell myself otherwise.

Chase The Colors Of The Skies...

The sun is breaking in your eyes to start a new day...

Do we really have to hurt someone else's feelings just so we could feel good about ourselves? This world really gets the best of me at times.I don't even know what I am talking about.I just need to distract myself.My mind is not the best place to be in right now.

Another question,why are some people so full of themselves? Don't they realize that the world does not revolve around them alone?Like for example,I have a friend who always turns the conversation back to her when we are talking...Like,always...And sometimes I just want to be blunt and tell her that she is so self obsessed but...I know how it would make her feel,so I go around sucking it all up like a loser.

Anyway...My problem is,should I still hang around with her?I've been trying to minimize our talks lately because when we do talk,it would be all about her and the boys that 'go crazy' for her,or even some girls that do too.It makes me sad to talk about her like this,but I cannot hold it all in anymore.It's just so upsetting...

I want her to start thinking about others for once,but wouldn't that seem like I am trying to change her into someone she's not?I know,I sound selfish,but do you know what it feels like,chatting up with your friend because you need someone to listen to your serious problems about life,but she always cuts you up with replies like 'ah...', 'i see...', 'it would be fine...', I mean,phrases that indicate a lack of interest... And then she'd grab the wheel and steer it into her direction,her fantasy world where guys fight because of her...And some other shallow things?

I really want to be her friend...But my instincts are telling me that she's only using me for her own benefits,and really..I wouldn't like that to happen...Maybe she thinks I am stupid enough to never know when she is lying and just plain boasting around to make herself feel better even if sometimes, it really gets me down. I am not even competing with her, I just want to hang out with the right kind of crowd,because more often than not, these habits are infectious,and it scares me that I might just wake up one day and have the same qualities...And then someone else would feel exactly how I am feeling right now.Does that make sense?

I am by your side... Love will find you...

Hi,This Is Not An E-Mail :D

YASMINA BERKEMEIJER

And time stands still beneath the air of waiting hours
To touch, just to feel a love that seems to overpower me
She's all I'll ever need
And you know her love just hypnotizes me
'Til All I see is beautiful

At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven
My Life, it seems so lonely here without your presence
You could change my everyday
And I could never think of love without your name
As you remain---

Beautiful--- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful--- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful--- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful--- making everything brand new
Beautiful you

And all this time you're changing me to something better
A love so high that everyday that we're together
I will leave the world below
Until your heart becomes the only thing I know

Yas,

The biggest and dorkiest grins break out of my face when i log on to MSN and see that I have an e-mail from you. Seriously, you don't know how happy you are making me.

You,just like the song I posted above,are beautiful. No other word could describe you. Beautiful doesn't even give you justice.

I know that you don't believe it,just like I don't believe it when people tell me that I am beautiful. See? We are always standing on the same ground,sailing on the same boat.Sometimes, I just want to call my Mom and ask if I ever happen to have a long lost twin or something.

You know what makes me smile in spite of all the wrong things in the world? The thought that if you are ugly,I am ugly too,and we'll be ugly together. Remember that? When we decided that how you see yourself is how you see me,and vice versa? Ever since then,I started looking in the mirror saying "hey beautiful" cause all I see is you.

Believe me,Yas. You are one of the prettiest girls I know,physically. Anyone who doesn't see that is just plain blind. Your heart shines too.It stands out from the rest of the world.I can see it even from here.

You're one of the few I trust right now,and talking to you always feels like summer breeze...easy, peaceful, calm, natural. With you, I cannot hide behind a fake smile, because you can always tell when something's wrong. You're the only one who asks "Are you okay?" and actually presses me to tell you what is bothering me.

I love you,and I don't think I can live without you. I mean I can,but I would never wish to. You're all I need,you know? A best friend, a mentor, an adviser, a sister... The list could go on forever.

Words would never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me.Just typing it all down makes my heart brim all the more with love and respect for you.I look up to you,really.

I want the rest of the world to acknowledge how great a person you are,but sometimes, I become selfish and I don't want them to find out how amazingly awesome you are cause they might steal you away from me. XD

Through hell and back,I'll follow you if I have to.That's what best friends do, but really..I'll do everything for you.

I LOVE YOU Lemonade XD

You're the bestestestest friend in the whole wide world.

~Seann

The Coolest Gang In the World

Mainia, Ate Pat, Ate Li, Mar, and Ketty...

You guys are awesome,and if I have one favorite part of my life right now,you guys would definitely be included.

We haven't known each other for so long,but I feel perfectly at home with you. You gave me a place to belong to.A place where I can just be me and still be accepted and loved for it.

We all know we're going through a lot right now,and sometimes it feels like the best option is to just let go and forget,but we never gave up,and we never will.

It hurts,what is happening right now, but it will all pass,and in the end,it's still us,holding on to each other like our lives depended on it.

I love you guys so much.If not for you,I wouldn't learn to be strong and deal with the pain that love brings. At the end of the day, what matters is not Greenebone.

What matters is the Greenebone Gang, and I will definitely take a bullet for you. Again,I could never say it enough,but thank you,and from the bottom of my heart, I love you, guys.

All for one,one for all. <3