Monday, July 13, 2015

I get it. I get it that you love him and whatever is going on right now must be shredding you to pieces, but you could at least have the decency to not grind your friend while you're in the process of mending your wounds. I was there for you, day in and day out, every freaking time he left and closed the door in your face. I listened to everything you had to say when they fell on his deaf ears. So the least I ask of you is this: be my friend. Iget it, you love him. I'm not asking you to forget your feelings so you could save me. I'm not asking you to save me, even. All I'm asking is for you to be that friend for me who doesn't need to know whatever he said to me, who doesn't need to talk about him all the time, that friend who doesn't have to ask things that are absolutely between him and me when I say I don't want to talk about it. I just need you to listen, for once, listen even when I have nothing to say. I get it, you love him. And you think it's stupid that I don't even like him, because I'm pretty sure you'll give everything in the world just to be in my place right now, but for once, I need this to not be about you or how hurt you are. I need this to not be about you competing with me for his attention, because frankly, if I could hand it to you, I would. I did everything to help you. You needed my help to move on, I trash talked him with you. You need to find things out, I was your detective. You needed me to push him in your direction, I gave him one big shove. I did everything you needed and right now I don't even feel like you're my friend anymore, all because of this stupidity. You know what? He's all yours. I don't even care. It's so low to be like this over one guy, seriously, and I'm not gonna be that girl. 

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Why didn't you just grab a knife and carve my heart out of my chest? If the goal was to hurt me, it wouldn't have hurt any less. I guess I thought at last, I knew you. But you've always proven me wrong, so what made me think it would be different this time? I don't want to talk about it anymore. There's no fight left in me. I'm tired of being your fall back option.