Sunday, December 27, 2009

Taking Faster Strides to Keep Myself from Getting Left Behind.

And I really miss Ashley Greene.That should have been the title.I can't explain the intense of my obsession for her.Yeah,I'm crazy.I already know that.But why?The last time I've been like this,I was thirteen years old with Heart and John,obviously the hottest love team that time.And Ashley-for God's sake she's paired with Jackson Rathbone but I really don't mind.It's only Ashley that I like.I guess Twilight Saga is right,after all.Alice Cullen is really a charm.i wonder when I'll meet her..or if that would ever happen.*sigh*.

Okay,so Ashley Greene and Alice Cullen and Twilight Saga-ish aside,I've had a lot of things done lately.My Christmas was not so nice..Okay,just the Christmas eve.I think I celebrated it alone.Hah!My sister was on our neighbor's house,yeah,just like my aunt.My other aunt,however,found it more fulfilling to sleep than to join me for dinner.As if that wasn't enough,my grandmother attended a funeral.*Super sigh*.But when morning came,everything went well,I guess.I had a lot of money,so that's what made me happy.Haha.That was boring,though,so I ended up asleep in the couch on the afternoon.Luckily,my drunken neighbor found it funny to wake me up by startling me.I asked myself to please remember to punch him in the nose when he's not drunk anymore.i haven't done that yet.Maybe tomorrow.After that,my uncle (my mother's gay brother),I call him Julia..okay,I used "him" cause after all,he's still a male,right?Oyeah,he fetched us from the house at around 5:00 in the afternoon.I had fun at their place,drinking vodka and talking and laughing,and getting more money.The 26th is their Patron saint festival so the mood was...festive.We went home by dusk cause today,the 27th,we watched a movie with my aunts.'Twas really good,a good laugh.Haha.Sadly though,my new MP4 player seems to be broken.that early.I haven't even used it.*sigh*.All in all,I had a good week and am hoping for another one.^_^

Monday, December 21, 2009

how i feel-in a photo

yeah..that's just about it.longing for something..


Behind the smiling curve in my eyes,there lies burden.Underneath each pealing bells of laughter,there is sadness.Sadness I can't explain.Like listening to a sentimental music while rain is pouring outside.It gives me the feeling of wanting to wish I was someone else.It makes me want to ponder on all the 'what ifs' available.

I turned out the light,hoping sleep would come immediately,though I know this won't be fulfilled.I just want everything to be black so I can't see my reflection.I feel the weight of my own stare.My chest feels so heavy under my skin,though in reality,I feel empty.Like something's missing.Something that is a vital part of me.

I don't know what people call this feeling.It's like vulnerability.It's like nothingness,numbness..I just want to go back to the days when all I do is play,I have nothing to worry about.I miss crying with reason.I miss smiling for nothing at all.I miss feeling important,loved..

i am soo happy. :)

I had a goodnight sleep!At last..:)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

City Lights Blind Me

They're colorful.They're fun.They're everywhere.I just find it hard to look at them without feeling nostalgic or lonely.I don't know why.That's what makes it hard.Trying to reason things out when reason itself is missing.

They make me feel like the protagonist on TV.The girl who was left by the one she loves,the girl who was always slapped,bullied,hurt,et cetera.Try passing by these lights with soft mushy music in your ears and you will definitely know what I'm talking about.

What a crap.I didn't mean to be so sentimental.

I Wish..

Wish I could write everyday.This would be the only way for the future me to get in touch with the present me.Cool.Hope i could always do this,sort of like a diary..