Sunday, January 26, 2014


I had no idea that I would ever feel this way about you. You were once a small dot on the map of my busy days. A thousand times I walked mindlessly past you, never bothering to do a second take. You were not, unsurprisingly, what I was looking for, as I was not, without a doubt, what you would have settled for. And then our paths got tangled. Our worlds grew smaller, smaller still, drawing us close together. Suddenly, I saw you, and you saw no one but me. Suddenly, what was once impossible has never felt more right.

And so you chased, and so I fell. For the first time in what seemed like an endless, unforgiving forever, I had someone to push me up, stubbornly denying the existence of gravity. You were there, freezing time, unknowingly changing its fluid state. You were there, building cities of light in my tumbleweed chest, planting gardens of hope in my death-reeking faith. There’s no way you’re real, I said, as I followed you with my eyes, firmly believing that once I blinked, you’d be gone. But you chased, and I fell, and I realized, not everyone who falls, falls down.

Being with you, it wasn’t much. You made my good days better, but you also gave me the worst ones. There were dark blue nights filled with starry skies, with sleepy whispers on the other line, with the saddest secrets spilled on my pillow in liquid. I could spend all day listening to you speak, weaving dreams after dreams of the too distant future, but I couldn’t stand one syllable of someone else’s name sitting on your velvet lips, resting in your beautiful mind. With this jealousy born of silly, baseless accusations, I drove you out and crashed us down.

I had no idea I would ever feel this way about you. I was once the Earth, orbiting your sun, tucking myself up with your warmth. You were the single most prevalent thought in my mind, scattered loose and bundled tight at the same time. I knew you better than I knew my prayers at night. You were my verse, each day’s contented sigh. Stay with me forever, I asked, baring to you my every truth. Nothing lasts forever, you said, not even I. It took me this long to realize, but you were right, and I was left behind.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

This is the first line I'll write about you.

I never thought I'd ever be here right now, putting my feelings about you on this word bank. A year ago, we met, and a year ago, you were far from being the very core of my dreams. But look at me now, and look at you. Look at how different things are between us.

There you sit, unaware of the distance between us, of the space I quietly despise. I curl my fingers when the urge to run them through your messy tousled hair hits me with the force of an oncoming train - urgent, sudden, showing no signs of stopping. And then you smile, that bright, hazy light rising its way up to your eyes, filling my stomach with butterflies, warming a seat in the stadium of my heart. This sense of ease that you so effortlessly bring to me unveils thousands of questions in my sleepless mind: Do you know? Do you even notice?

And then I find myself daydreaming. What if you do know? What if you do feel this way too? What then? Will I ever find the courage to tell you as you sit there, unknowingly making me fall in love again?

Sunday, January 12, 2014

I didn't think it would feel this good to realize that I'm on the path to total recovery; to know that I'm finally shedding the old hurt that I've been wearing on my skin for the past four years; to feel grief's sharp claws slowly loosening their hold on my slumped shoulders. Finally, I'm out of my own personal Azkaban.