Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The sun slices the monotonous Tuesday sky. I sit beside you, a ready accomplice to making a great day out of what has been bleakly given to us. You reach for the radio dial, changing the station. You reach for my hand, changing me.

I don't know which comes quicker: your lazy smile that reaches up your eyes, or its silent, sudden way of putting me at ease at the very first sight. Whatever the answer is, there's one thing I know for sure. I tripped over a wire and fell deeper than I imagined I would. I'm slowly losing at a game I once thought I knew how to play.

You don't seem to notice how my eyes follow you around the room, or how your stare lifts the weight I carry around. You make fun of me a lot, and I take it all in stride, but deep inside, I wonder if you really see me that way. I think about it a lot because I know there are millions of better girls - pretty, smart, sweet things, and yet, you find a minute to share alone with me. That, more than anything, lights up this fire in me.

I don't know where this might lead us. I'm not banking on anything - you might like me back, you might not. That doesn't matter to me as much as it probably should. At least, I don't think it does. I've told myself a thousand times, repeatedly, how the oncoming pain is not worth it, but then our arms accidentally brush each other, and sparks begin to crackle in my skin. You have gotten through me the way very few people have, and everyone notices.

Everyone notices but you.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

The truth is this: I'm scared of the way I'm starting to feel about you. I've lived through the most terrible nightmares, and I don't know if I could go through them again this time.

Because I feel like I need to be ready if I'm to ever love you. Because you and me together would be phenomenal, but it's not normal. Because everytime I see you, I only see the good, and I end up failing to convince myself that you're not right for me.

Because whenever I tell myself it's time to give you up, whenever I start losing hope, whenever I begin to believe that you don't see me, will never, ever see me the way I see you, you come around with your grip tight around my heart, reeling me further in, wondering if you ever lose one wink of sleep thinking about me.

Because it doesn't matter if I'm asleep or awake. Either way, you're all I see.

Because for the thousandth time today, I asked myself if you're worth it, and the answer, like always, is yes.

I find it scary to realize that I'm already there, willing to go through hell and back to make you happy.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

I wonder
How big a sin
It would be
To admit that I
Have broken my promise
Have broken my safety net
Have broken more than my hips and my wrists
For a flightless friend.