Changes.

I logged on to Facebook today. One of the few disadvantages of having a Facebook account when you're someone like me, someone who basically has no life, is seeing the people you grew together with finally becoming what they once said they wanted to be, while you're stuck in this snow globe, surrounded by pretty things, but this time, you're on the inside, looking out.

While horizons of possibilities stretch out for my friends, here I am, waiting for my future to unfold. I'm never one to wait on people, never one to wait for things. Had I not made one single, stupid mistake, I would be walking that road with them.

Don't get me wrong. I love the life I'm living. My family always gives me whatever I want, but somehow, I want to be able to stand on my own. I want to be that kind of girl who lives on her own, who has a job, who has a circle of friends to go out with for drinks on Friday nights. I want to have to face deadlines, cram for reports for the next day, make hard decisions. I want to live, and this jealousy is killing me.

It's depressing o look at old photos and see yourself with your friends. With youth scribbled on your faces and dreams sparkling in your eyes, that glimmer of hope you once had. It's hard, remembering the laughter you've shared, the words you said before the camera flashed. It's hard, knowing that they're all over the world now--- in Singapore, making their dreams come true, dreams that once included you; in their alumni school, teaching; at home, tending to their husbands and kids. Everyone's rowing their own boats, and you feel like you're lost at sea.

Despite this, I keep telling myself that it's only a matter of time. I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I know that if it's taking this long to build, it must be something pretty.

Oftentimes, wonderful things don't come easy.