The Sun Will Be Burning,Eventually You Will Be Gone.

Errr, I got this title from Ching's Tumblr post. I woke up yesterday feeling very miserable for reasons unknown. I usually have days like that when I just want to be alone,think about my future,my mistakes,the things that worry and bother me.

I don't know exactly what hurts.All I know is I keep trying and trying to forget about the past. But is it really that easy? Is it really that easy to forget about something and want to go back to it at the same time? I think I'm crazy.

Anyway,I'm happy cause Yasmina seems happy nowadays. That's all I could ask for-I just want the people I love and care about to keep smiling like everything is perfect when in fact,nothing is.They say life is too short to dwell on your grievances,but no one can really help it,you know? I like being like this. I like feeling the pain. It makes me believe that something is real,and that's e=very important to me right now cause honestly,I feel like everything is a lie.

Even myself.

I feel like I'm a big talking ball of lies,and I wish I could explain why,but there'd be no words for me to use. I'm just tired and I want to hear nothing but the awful,ugly, breath-taking-in-a-bad-way truth.

I've been taking three hour bus rides to Pampanga these past few days just for the heck of it,and no one knows. That makes me waste six hours of precious time, and like a fool, I keep hoping that maybe a minute in that long stretch of time might bring your smile back to my memory,where it slowly starts to fade. It's hard. I miss you.

I keep listening to those sad songs to force the tears out of my eyes,because they are cold and unmoving,and my heart is frozen. I just want to run away,far,far away from here. I feel so miserable and happy at the same time. I want to be here,and I want to be anywhere but here,too.

I wish he was here to save me from myself.