Serendipity.

I've been single for so long now, and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. Being like a prisoner in my own house, there's just no way I'm going to meet someone who'd sweep me off my feet.

Instead, I spend all the time I have watching movies and making black out poetry. I never liked blackout poetry, only because the idea of dashing through someone's work to mold the words into your own preference makes me cringe. But I must admit, it's kinda fun.

Most of the time, just like everyone else, I wish those things in the movies would happen to me. It's so easy to lay on your back, nursing a tub of melting ice cream, wishing you'd happen to be in New York, buying a pair of gloves. It's almost impossible to scribble your name and contact information on a book cover and wait for that other person to somehow find it. If I wasn't such a hopeless romantic, I'd even call it stupidity.

The problem is that I myself believe in fate, and more often than not, I rely too much on it. I tend to forget how subjective destiny can be. Oftentimes, I just shrug my shoulders and say if it's meant to be, it will find its way. This goes to explain my lone status today. I'm not one to settle down and say, "Ah, this is it, finally." Frankly, the man I'm supposed to marry could be standing in front of me right now, and I wouldn't be able to figure it out. If he's good, I'd want him to be better. I never just stop and become contented with the way things are. I always strive for more.

And so I push myself to the limits, grab a pen, write my name on a book, and expect him to find it. In my mind, if he's worth it, he'll be back with it in his hands, no matter how long it takes, no matter the hardships and challenges he has to go through to retrieve it. If he doesn't find it, then it's not meant to be.

I know I have to change my views if I am to be happy. After all, I've come to realize that life's not a movie. You don't get to sit side by side, naming constellations together. No, those things are too good to be true.

Life's harder. Life's life.