I'm busy with the tape and the glue.

My chest still constricts when I think of you.

Even now, after all this time, when everyone thinks I'm ok, I'm not even fine at all. And I can't find the words to tell anyone exactly how I feel.

It's like there's a hole in me. Not in my chest, but in me. And I've tried everything that might work but nothing is fit to fill it in. Sometimes, it's as if I'm gong crazy. I pull at my hair as if somehow, you'd be here to stop me.

Maybe it's just the weather. It's been really cold these past few days, and the skies would turn gray, but it never rains, which should be a good thing because the rain reminds me of you. Instead, I curl up  and make myself as small as I feel, and wish it would just pour. Because I want to remember. Because lately, you're starting to get blurry. My memories can't get your smile right anymore. Your laughter sounds wrong in my head. And the sound of your voice is not as clear as it used to. And I'm trying my hardest to hold on to these fading pieces of you, because they're all I have left.

Maybe it's the way they've all moved on, and I'm still stuck in bubbles of you. We'll never be whole again, this much I know. When you went, you took a bit of each of us with you, and there's no getting them back. But they've moved on. They talk about you as if you're still there with us, your eyes crinkling as you laugh. And that hurts me, because I'm not there yet, and I feel alone.

I'm trying to hold myself together, but bits of me are starting to fall out, and it's all because of you.