There are things I wish I hadn't known or seen. I'm not afraid of pain; I'm afraid of it changing me into something I don't want to be.

I'm selfish. I am, cause after all these years, I don't want you to be happy with anyone else. I stay up at night wishing you'd miss me enough to seek me out again, like you always did before. I realize it's not happening, but I keep on waiting for things to take a turn for the better.

Right now, more than anything, I just wish I hadn't seen that picture. You stood beside her, smiling like you've never been happier, your arms wrapped around each other. It reminds me of those times I refused to take a picture with you, because I didn't want to have anything to hold on to in case I feel exactly the way I do right now. I'm regretting it more and more.

I don't suppose I want you back. I don't even like you anymore. Sometimes, we just hate seeing others pick up what we have thrown away. Sometimes, I hate that she has restored you back to the amazing person you once were, something I wasn't able to do. Sometimes, I wonder how much better my life would have been if I hadn't met you.