I miss you. I miss you so much that I could embrace the air around me and make myself believe that I am holding a part of you once again, which is sad because you had not even been here. For four years, I've been trying to convince myself that I am only supposed to have you in my life for a short while. Four years, I've been tearing myself down and building my life back up around your absence, but it seems now, tonight, that this loneliness is all i have ever known.
I have goosebumps on my arm, hearing your laughter in my mind. For the first time in the longest time tonight, I see a glimpse of your laughing face in my mind, and everything crumbles. The ground shakes beneath my feet, and tears pool inside my chest. Still, the world spins on...the wind sings on....the sun shines on. Everything is the same, and yet everything has changed.
You would have been so happy for me. You would have listened to me rant endlessly about the most trivial things, but you are not here where you promised to be - beside me. And yes, even after all these years I soent pushing your memory to the deepest corners of my mind, I haven't fully covered the screaming hole you left when you took my heart with you, six feet under. Four years ago.
You were my best friend. You held the switch that turned my night sky on, and now all I have are a few dying stars. I was so wrong to think that somedy, I'll get over it, because even now, with all the new people in my life, I keep looking for you in the sounds of their laughter, in the crinkle at the corners of their kind, smiling eyes. I keep looking for any sign that you have come back to touch my life again, and I keep finding more questions instead of answers.
Will I ever find you?
Will my soul learn to live with this pain?
Will I wake up one day and find that I am finally, truly, freely happy?
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