Everythig I Had Is Someday Gonna Be Gone.

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I tuck you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
Your mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready
for school

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even you want to
Please, try to never grow up

Oh, whoa
Don't you ever grow up
Oh, whoa
Never grow up
Just never grow up

 

 

 I wish I could put in words how much I miss my parents right now. I was on the bus,listening to this song,and it had no impact on me...until this part:

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up 

 

 No one knows what I'll be willing to give to have my old life back,where it was just myself,my sister, my father,and my mother. Those times we spent together as a family were very rare and short; you could count it with your fingers. Still, it's what always brings me down. The fact that no matter how hard I try now,I can never have the one thing I want the most, and I will live with this regret for the rest of my life-that when I was little,all I wanted to do was to grow up immediately and move away,and have a life of my own. If I had known back then what I know now,things would have turned out differently.

I'm just having one of those days. I'm just being too emotional, clinging on to the things I can never have, obsessing about the past.It happens to everybody,somehow, but it doesn't change the fact that it's sad.

I thought being an adult would provide me with endless possibilities.I was drunk with the idea of wearing stilettos and actual dresses,going out with friends,the freedom,everything.Nobody told me about the heartaches and heartbreaks,about having to stand on your own,dealing with betrayals and death,losing friends and failing grades.

Now,all I could wish for is to be little again.How I wish I can just turn the hands of the clock back to a certain point in time where everything is still as good as they seem,before I started doubting my abilities,before I stopped believing in myself, back when the walls that surrounded me were the unshakable walls of love,support,and encouragement.

I feel like a little girl trapped in a teenager's body. I'm lost. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.