I Think I'm Growing Up.

There are days when I crave for songs the way a pregnant woman craves for a specific kind of food. Last night, I lay in bed tossing and turning cause I wanted to listen to Jose Mari Chan's Beautiful Girl. Unfortunately, I don't have it on my iPod.

Life is the unsteadiest thing in the world. Like they say, the only thing constant here is change, but somethings, these changes are so drastic, we don't even have much time to catch our breaths and estimate the damage. loss, or gain.

It's been a happy week for me. I got to talk to my mom on the phone, and it was like nothing went wrong. We had our Pastor and church mates over this afternoon and held a mass in our house, and then my sister and Yeyey and I went out to buy some snacks outside. On Friday, it's St. Jerome's feast day, so there are a lot of booths and stalls set up along the highway, selling sweets, fruits, snacks, clothes and toys. I used to be so excited for September 30 when I was little.

The only thing I worry about right now is that everyday, I keep hoping our family is able to hold it together for the day. Sometimes, we just get into these little arguments and they annoy me. It seems like my aunt can't speak a word without actually sneering or yelling at us. My sister likes spending time in her room and complaining about things, whining to my aunt, and my aunt always sneers and tells my sister not to talk to her like that. you know, I just think we can all try to be a little nicer to each other. But I pretend that I don't care cause I'm scared that this family might just burst at the seams out of the blue, and things will never be the same again. Although this set up isn't perfect, it's not so bad.

I want to do something productive. Something charitable, even, but I don't know where to begin. first of all I don't have any money. Second, it's not like I live in the city where everything is walking distance. I wish I'm good enough to deserve the things I'm being given everyday that I always take for granted, like good health, food, a family, and then some luxuries not everyone can afford, like the internet and stuff like that. I wish to be good, period.

I think I'm finally growing up. Forgiveness doesn't come hard for me now, and I'm growing to be more of a thinker and less of a talker. I think, I'm growing up.

I'm growing up... I think.