My mind is not the safest place for me.

Have you ever felt like  nothing in life is going right?

I wake up every single day knowing it's just going to be like the last. Most of it will be spent in my room or in front of the TV, and then some listening to my family complain about the littlest things.

We never have decent food. If we do, that's like once in a blue moon. It's almost always fried tofu,  fried fish, fried chicken, fried pork. Stir fried vegetables. I miss sipping hot soup from my spoon, and I miss eating something that took some effort to be cooked. I just miss being normal, I guess.

Every morning, I wake up to the annoying sound of my aunt's voice echoing through the house. It seems like they can't speak to each other without yelling even though they're not mad. I wish I was exaggerating this. I told her that yesterday, and in all fairness to her, she tried turning her voice down this morning, but it was still not low enough. Still woke me up.

I can't go anywhere I like without having to bring someone with me. I told them a few months ago that I'm going to Manila on the 18th, and nobody cared because I have no money and they don't plan to give me some. So, thinking that I wouldn't be able to go anyway, they shrug it off and make it look as if I'm allowed to go. Now that it's near and I have found a way to have money, they insist that my sister should go with me. My sister is going to Manila, too, on the 25th and they'll give her money for that, and they'll give her money to be able to join me, too.

I know she's my sister, and I should be happy, if at all, to be hanging out with her, but the people I'm meeting are my friends. People in the same age group as I am, whom my sister hasn't met and will not be able to relate to. What are they thinking, that I'm going to run away with some dude or what? Because I'm not that kind of girl. I don't even have a boyfriend, but of course they don't believe me when I tell them that.

I just feel like I'm being held a prisoner in my own home. I'm so unhappy with the flow of things here, and honestly, I can't find anything I want to live for right now. All I want is one day to be free, to be with my friends, to be me, because I can't be that here, and they can't give me that. They always keep my hopes up and crush them, and me, in the end.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so depressed in this house. I keep staying in my room and crying silently for reasons I can't explain and it's so hard to get through the day without thinking of ending all of this.

I feel like dying is the only way I can be free.