Here's the truth that I'm trying so hard for anyone not to see: he has this quick, effortless way of hurting me. He says words that cut deep into my skin. Words which, once he speaks, never leave my mind for weeks. He gives me the deepest scars, and I hide them. More than once, he appeared to be less than I perceived him to be, and yet I pretend not to see. I choose to look away because nothing seems to be bad enough to keep me from feeling this way for him. He hurts me, emotionally, deliberately, and I turn the other cheek albeit knowing I deserve better. That I can find better.

The truth is this: he's not mine to lose, but I'm scared of losing him anyway. I'm so insecure and ashamed of myself and he's not helping the case. I see right through him. He's a good person over all, but it's not all the time that he's good. He can be really horrible. I've seen it. And yet, despite all that i've seen and heard, here I am, loving him from afar.

I feel stupid for feeling this way. I keep trying to stay away, to be able to finally move on, but he's really got a hold on me.