It is the season, they say. Everyone is cheery, wondering why Christmas couldn't come sooner. I have a lot of things I'm looking forward to, but somewhere inside the pit of my stomach, something screams that things just aren't going right these days. I can't explain it. I just feel it.
Whatever I do, I feel like I'm surrounded by gray clouds, waiting to rain on my parade. I'd like to think that tonight is just being one of those nights. After all, I was perfectly okay earlier today. I wasn't great or ecstatic or anything, but I was alright. Tonight, my mind wandered where I've long forbidden it to travel - the past, which hit me in the face with cheesy montage video worthy memories, fully equipped with inexplicable nostalgia and a power strong enough to make me rethink my decisions, take a second look at all the blocks I've built for so long, thinking all this time that they've been keeping me safe, at arms' length, at least, from being crushed by the tornado of sepia colored photos of the faces I once couldn't look at without feeling at home. It only took one trip down memory lane, and suddenly, the earth beneath my feet was no longer the soil I'd recognized even with my eyes closed.
One snap of a finger, and all the pain that I've been successfully blocking came surging through my veins, right under my skin...The kind of pain more real than anything I've ever felt before. The kind of pain that came with the realization that I've been living in my head for too long, and that nothing is going to permit me to be able to do that again anymore.
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