Thursday, October 15, 2015

Last night, my friend shared a post on Facebook from a confessions page, wherein someone wrote an open letter to his soon to be ex girlfriend. Intrigued, I read the whole thing, and found out that the guy is dying from cancer, so he was breaking up with his girlfriend to set her free, to make it hurt less once it's time for him to go completely. Because the theme and mood of it hit too close to home, I pressed the share button and let it stay on my timeline. I'm now quoting the whole thing after this line. 

An Open Letter to My Soon-to-be Ex-Girlfriend
Hi. I know it has been 3 weeks since I last talked to you, and I know, you still don't know what's going on. I know that you're an avid reader of this page, so I think this is the best place to explain. The title says it all, you're my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, because I'm breaking up with you on the 12th of October... that's tomorrow.
I put our word of endearment as my screen name so you'll know it's me.
The page might post this late, but at least I've prepared my explanation already before I start to cut the loose ends tomorrow.
First of all, I want you to know that I will not tell this to you in person not because of the grudges that I have. In fact, I have no hard feelings. It's just that... I don't wanna have a long discussion tomorrow. I want to keep tomorrow's talk concise.
Second, I want you to know that our 65-month relationship is something that I would treasure forever. You're my high school crush, and I still can't believe the moment that you said "yes". It was euphoric. It was the best day of my life.
Third, I want you to know that I will still look out of you as long as I could. So, no. You're not going to turn into a twerkin-like-Miley bitch that will be used by assholes waiting for you to spread your legs. No, it won't happen. Remember Luke? Remember what happened to him when he tried to abuse you on FB chat? Yep, my family will do the same to the guys that will try to do the same as Luke. hahaha
Fourth, I want you to know that it's not because we're not getting enough sex anymore. We've had those sexy times, and I know we're both getting busy. And it's not because of that. I'm not a dry land that needs water every now and then. It's fine. It's not because of that. I swear. So don't try to seduce me on Monday.
Fifth, I want you to know why am I going to do this... I want you to know it's for your own well-being. I know we've had so many plans for the future. Like that El Nido wedding that you want. The dream house that you want by the bay... The BMW... I know, those dreams are rather silly, but still attainable... before.
Sixth, I want you to know that those dreams are not going to happen anymore.
Seventh, I want you to know that I'm about to cut the chase now.
Eighth, I want you to know that the doctors recently diagnosed a stage 4 lung cancer. Not on my dad, neither on my mom nor my grandpa, but on me. They said that it's too late to treat, and the cancer has spread all over my body already.
Ninth, I want you to know that I'm going to die soon.
Tenth, I want you to know that I'm doing this so you can get used to live without my presence. I know it's going to be hard for both of us, but I know it's harder for you. You gotta endure it longer. I hope that I can live a bit longer so I can see you fully-moved on before I die. So once you hear the news, it's just nothing anymore.
Eleventh, I want you to know that I will always love you. I'm going to miss you.
(FEU Manila – 2013, IABF)

I read the post again tonight cause something has been gnawing at my mind all day. I knew there was something wrong with this post, and it was only earlier this evening when I was on my way home that I realized: what an asshole.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless. Like I said, the reason I shared the post in the first place was because it hit close to home. But I find it quite confusing that this guy would post something like this on social media for everyone, including his soon to be ex-girlfriend, to see, when he should be talking to her in private. I admit I'm not much into dating right now, but if anyone would ask me, I wouldn't want to find out something like this in the way he chose for her to. If you look in the comments section, you'll find that most people are sympathetic and sad, because he's dying. I get it that he's dying. But that doesn't excuse him (in my eyes, in my opinion) from doing something this cruel to the girl he says he loves.

 He said he is doing this because when they finally meet up to talk, he doesn't want to explain himself to her anymore. I guess that means he wants a clean break. I get that, too. But on social media, really? You could have sent an email. Heck, you could have pulled a classic Joe Jonas and sent her a text instead, and don't say you couldn't have because you didn't want her to know right away. You freaking posted it on Facebook and made it clear that you used your term of endearment so she'd know it was you. You claim to love this girl, and yet you cancelled that out in the most basic way.

She had a right to know what was going on. I admit I don't know anything about your relationship except for what has been posted, but anyone can tell you this: you could have pulled her to the side and talked to her. She should have been given the right to hear it from you, then to decide for herself if she wanted to stand by you or not.

But she was denied that chance.

I know he's dying, and everyone thinks it's sad. It is sad. And I know this post makes me sound callous for calling him out on it, but someone had to do it. It's so unfair that she has to find out through Facebook. Imagine going through your day, then seeing this on your timeline, and then realizing it was for you all along. How would that make you feel?

 Is it really so hard to have maybe half an hour with someone and discuss matters as important as this privately? If you really love that person, can't you at least give them that?

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