Thursday, November 5, 2015

Things that help me sleep at night

In five years, none of these things stressing me out today will matter. Your opinion of me will stop playing in mad loops in my head. I'll be far away, out of your reach; you'll probably still be stuck here, making someone else feel small so that you may feel good about yourself.

I'll finally have a chance to do something about my dreams. All my life, I've been told that education is important, and yes, it is important, but only because society gives such a big damn about formal teaching and classroom instructions. If you ask me, my answer will always be constant. Getting all the answers right on my exam doesn't make me feel smart or that I've actually learned something from my subjects - it only means, for me, that I'm good in memorizing things. Give me the same exam two weeks later without prior notice and I'll surely get less than 50% of the answers correct. My point is that I love school, and I like learning from it, but I understand why and how it can't be like that for everyone.

I'm feeling so down lately, and it's hard for me to be happy for anyone else when I can't even be happy about myself, but it relieves me to know that these things pass, sometimes faster than I expect. It helps that in my mind, I've planted a thought that believes I can do anything once I put my mind to it, and so far, it's true. It's all so true.

I have a lot of things going on in my mind right now, but I've come this far, and I have a long way to go yet. No matter what it feels like, I know it's not the end. And that alone gives me enough strength to look forward to tomorrow, not necessarily positively, but it's at least a step I'm willing to take.

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