It's dark outside,I'm awake. All I want to do is sleep forever.
My problems are haunting me. I haven't even gotten a wink of sleep because each time I tried closing my eyes,the consequences would come alive in my dreams,and I can't stand them. My brain hurts from thinking too much. I don't think I can handle this,but I have to. I just wonder what's going to happen to me...to my life. It's selfish that I'm already seeking forgiveness,when I haven't asked for it yet.
It's just so...complicated.I'm cold,and I love this house,but how long will it be able to shelter me? I failed them. What hurts the most is that I failed myself,too,more than anyone else. It's sad when you want to cry,and even the tears won't stream out. It's as if they're saying, "You put this on yourself,deal."
I just wish I could wave a hand and be back in time,three years from now. One single mistake from the past is ruining my life,and I don't think I can face it. I can't...I don't want to...
I fucked up. I need a hug...
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