Turn Off The Lights, Kiss Yourself Goodnight.

Today has been pretty nice. I felt pretty today.

Before I took the ride home, I went to the city market first, to buy a cup of Coke from 7 Eleven. People were probably wondering why I was so cheerful, cause I was. I smiled the whole time. I smiled when the ice was not dropping in my cup. I smiled when a little boy was standing in my way.

Sometimes, when I pass by and see people staring, I wonder if they think I'm pretty, or if they're staring because maybe I have dirt on my face. I wonder how many of them follow me with their gazes while I stride away, or how many of them remember me, think of me before they go to sleep at night. Am I that important? Can I be that important?

Anyways, my family and I decided to just go swimming in Stone 8 for my birthday. It's a private resort in the mountais, two hours away from home. It would be better, because we just can't push through our plans of going to Star City. We're broke.

I'm not really excited at all, though. I'm turning 20, but I have the mind and the emotional state of a 16 year old. I think I'll always be childish, no matter what. Last night, a guy on Facebook messaged me. He said I was pretty, and I smiled. I almost forgot how good it feels to have someone telling me that. He asked for my number and wanted to go to my house, but I turned him down. I miss having someone to care for, but something that happens THAT fast just wouldn't work for me. I'm not the fling kind of girl. My relationships always last for years, even though they are on and off and on and off and on and off again.

Hm. What else should I share here? These days are so cold, by the way. And there are MOSQUITOES. -.- So I have to sleep with my electric fan on, even though I'm freezing. Also, my grandma said she can't finance my studies anymore. Let's see what happens after this. I'm so scared to face my tomorrows right now.

Sleep is my way of NOT dealing with things. I wish I could sleep forever. I'm trying so hard to escape reality, but it haunts me, even in my dreams. For now, I'll tuck myself in, turn off the lights, and kiss myself goodnight.