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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm Not Ready For The Weight Of Us.

I'm silently crying in my room, because I don't want my grandmother to suspect anything. My day was good...That was until my mother called. Long story short, I'm disappointed.

Two Wednesdays from now, it's my birthday. I never asked my Mom for anything, just now. I was hoping she could give me some money because we were planning to go to Star City but before I could even ask, she dumped everything on me again. It would've been understandable if this was the first, second, or third time. But everytime she talks to me, it's always this and that. She didn't even ask me how I was.

When it's my sister who wants something, she'll give it to her by hook or by crook. Last November, she sent her a lot of money to buy new clothes, new shoes, new everything. Not a single cent for me, except that my sister lent me one thousand pesos. Last December, she sent us both five thousand each, but I had to pay my debts so I only got four. On her birthday this month, she received four thousand.

What about me? Am I just a sound board to her? It's not the lack of money that makes me cry. It's the unequal treatment. She'd always say, "ask your grandmother" but my grandmother already pays for my God damn education, which is my mother's responibility in the first fucking place. I'm just so frustrated. With me, it's like she just got pregnant, gave birth, and her task was done. It's not like she has a daughter at all. It sucks.

Life is so miserable right now and it's just about to get worse. In all honesty, I don't know how much longer I can live. I need something, someone, to prove to me that it's still worth it.

Right now I'm just so tired.

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