Life Is A Strange Thing.

I an't help but ponder on the strangest things when I'm alone. Today, like any other given day for more than a month now, I'm alone in my room, shutting the rest of the world out.

I'd consider myself lucky if I was even able to set my feet out in the street in front of my house for three days in a row. The last time the neighbors saw me was the other day. I was out for five minutes to buy ice cream. The farthest I have been from the front door yesterday was about a meter or so; I was watching the rice stalks sway with the wind.

Some people go on life without going through the hardships others go through. Last weekend, I was watching a TV show rerun with my sister, 100 Days To Heaven, and it got me thinking, what's our lives for, honestly? I mean, we all spend our younger years studying, so in the future we'll be able to make enough money to afford our luxuries. And then, after we graduate, we spend all our years working hard so we can send our children to good schools, so they can find good jobs when they're older. I just don't see why we strive so hard to earn money. I don't see why even if I don't understand it, I still can shamefully admit that I need money. I want money.

I guess, in the course of it all, I've come to realize that life isn't what we all think it is. Life's not about the dreadful hours at work, or the lessons we've learned from school, or the times we've spent doing something productive purposely. Life is what happens in between those times for me. Life's the sixteen minutes I spent waiting for the bus, watchig all the other cars pass by. It's the lines and curves I doodled at the back of my notebook during one specifially boring Math class in High School. Life's the five embarrassing minutes my Sociology teacher back in freshman year spent so generously on me, reprimanding me for being absent the previous day because I was reading Tuesdays With Morrie. Life is about all the moments we think have gone to waste, when in fact, they have given us memories some other big events didn't. Life is all the small things combined, the ones that go unnoticed.

Looking back now, I have said so many times here how I regret some things. I can't say I don't regret them anymore now, cause I still do, but I think I've finally learned my lesson, and despite the still lingering bitter taste i my mouth, at least I can say I once wanted those things. They once made me happy, and what I have now are the consequences. I had my fair shair of sunshine, so who am I to moan about the rain?

At the end of the day, what matters is that I'm not sitting here wondering what might have been. If I were, I'd be an entirely different person from the person I am right now.