I'm twenty years and two days old today, and I realized it's about time I stopped hoping you'll somehow post a belated birthday message on my Facebook wall, send me a tweet, a message...Something. I find it quite amuzing how some people I don't even know remembered to greet me, while you...I have no idea what you;re doing with your life right now, but just so you know, it hurts that you failed to remember. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget.
Anyway, enough of that. I'm twenty. It doesn't feel like anything has changed, except for my age. When I was five, I've always wondered how it would feel like to be a grown up. I imagined myself wearing frilly, lacy dresses, and ribboned shoes. My greatest dream back then was to be able to go out of the house as I please, because when I was a kid, I wasn't allowed out unless my studying was done, but of course I used to sneak out a lot. Now that I'm twenty,I'm finding out that it's nothing really special. I still live in this house, by their rules. I still can't fly.
The day before my birthday, this guy on the bus asked for my number. I told him I don't text that much...And he stopped. See? I want someone who will pursue me, no matter what. I'm so picky, I'm afraid I might grow to be an old maid. I don't want to grow old alone.
Life...is still messy. I'm working on it, but my future is very unclear right now. I'm not afraid of no being able to be what I want to be. What I'm afraid of is that I don't know what I really want. It's like I need to find myself, and I don't know when, where, or how to begin, but I know that I must, soon. It's a long, tedious, tiring process. Someday, I'll figure it all out.
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