I Want To Lay The Pieces At Your Feet.

Loneliness.

Bone chilling,gut wrenching, I-want-to-curl-up-in-a-ball-and-cry kind of loneliness. Have you ever felt that for no reason at all?

I feel empty. In movies, it's those scenes they compile where the heroin stares at a distance,serenaded by an empty,hauntig lullaby. It's the sound of wooshing trees on a silent afternoon in April, when the sun is so high up and the sunbeams are scattered all over the floor of your living room. It's that one single moment when you're busy doing something,and then suddenly,you feel the need to stop,and you do,and memories of the past come flashing on your mind,and you blink back the tears....And you ask yourself if those things really happened,if you've really been there,awake,aware of your own presence,or if it's all just another chapter of your convenient hallucinations,created in your mind,by your mind, to give you an excuse to cry.

I'll close my eyes,and all I see is myself,sitting at a coffee shop,or dancing in circles around endless fields of vibrant colors,some days more alive than others. I see myself smiling, I see my anticipation building up every time someone comes near,wondering if that someone,finally,is you. I sit, I laugh, I fret and fuss and tremble. Most of all, I stay,waiting for something,for someone....for you.

I fool myself most of the time,saying all I need is sleep. It's become an addiction,a fire exit for when I don't know what else is there for me to try.I sleep,and all I dream about is you.Faceless, voiceless, nameless you. It's become the sweetest,easiest way for me to escape the things on this planet that I can't change. Sometimes, giving up seems to be the smartest thing to do.

But I can't. I have yet to find you, to collect all the torn pages of myself,to lay the pieces at your feet. Ubtil then,I'll sleep.