The meaning of Colors are not my idea.
But the happenings here are pretty much based on experience. They happened in real life. My life, unfortunately.
**
You once told me that there's no such thing as complications. You always saw things in black and white, and shades of gray. For you, there were only truth and lies, love and hate,right and wrong. Those were your blacks and whites. Everything in between are in shades of gray, and there were no complications.
"You're wearing black today."I stated once.
You nodded and half smiled at me. "You know me too well."
"Something's bothering you." Clearly, that was not a question.
We were sitting on your rooftop, feet dangling on the air. I remember frowning as you looked down. It was hard to see through your sad eyes.
"I love you."Those were your exact words. And in spite of my fear of love that time, I found myself smiling.
**
Green is the color of quiet epiphanies; those little moments when you realize that everything is so much more than just alright.
"Your eyes say you're tired."I looked up to see you standing in front of me, holding out a flower.
I took it without a word,ignoring your statement a while earlier.I patted the seat next to mine,and like the obedient guy that you were,you sat beside me.
You looked over my shoulder as I tried to hide my drawing from your gaze.
"Those were my eyes,right?Why are they green?"You asked,as I blushed crazily and nodded.
"I can't do them justice."I whispered,looking down.
You tilted my head up,your fingers on my chin,and looked straight into my eyes.
"Yours are prettier."I felt butterflies in my stomach,hearing those words like you meant them.
I wondered what it was; the intensity in your eyes that I knew was mirrored in mine. Because that feeling, whatever that was? Something that strong couldn’t have been just an illusion.
**
Yellow is the color of new beginnings, where crossroads meet and stories continue and having a certain someone to share your journeys with makes all the difference.
When I went to school that day, a yellow paper was taped into my desk.I unfolded it to find a song perfectly written in your neat penmanship.
I felt delicate tears sting my eyes as I read every line,but I stopped them.
You walked to me,our friends trailed behind you,as you started strumming a yellow guitar-the one you own that matched mine,and sang to me what you wrote.
I laughed because you were out of tune,but ever since that day, it has always been my favorite song.
**
Purple is the color of things that only we can see.
It was one month since you told me those three words.
I didn't know if I should expect anything,or give you something,because I was not really sure if you remembered.
The moment we were dismissed from our group practice,you took my hand and dragged me almost too eagerly to the monkey bar. We sat there and talked endlessly about everything,and I felt really happy.
I was surprised when you reached into your pocket and brought out two small plastic bottles filled with soapy water,along with two long sticks,and started blowing bubbles.
"Today's the first month."You said.
And as we blew bubbles that looked transparently purple under the sun and watched them flying up to the sky , I decided that I couldn’t care less if we had been a couple. If we hadn’t been. If we had been childish by doing this, above all things we could’ve possibly done. Were we meant to be? Was I yours? Were you mine?
We were just two people whose hearts somehow beat the same rhythm.
And I couldn’t care less if anyone else didn’t get that, so long as we did.
**
Blue is the color of words unspoken that the hearts clearly hear.
We were walking to our next class then, never feeling the need to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling.
As we got to the door, we saw that the classroom was unusually full,and we were unusually late. There was a vacant chair waiting at the corner,but nothing more.
"Miss Pangilinan," our professor called."You could take that seat at the back.I'm afraid Mr. Torres would have to join the next block's class to catch up."
You shifted your weight uncomfortably,urging me to go to my seat.
"I'd just take the next class with him."I said.
Our classmates looked at us frantically and hollered words no one really understood.
We hung out for a while,you thanked me endlessly for staying with you.
It was nothing for me,knowing how uncomfortable you were with the other block.
As a thank you gift, you later bought me a box of Oreo cookies.They were my favorite,and you knew that.
It was wrapped in an inexpensive paper, tied with a blue ribbon.
I tied that ribbon to my hair that day,wanting to remind myself how sweet you could get.
It made me realize how the littlest of things really count the most.
**
Orange is the color of memories burned in your mind and etched in your soul.
We walked out of each other's lives on a Monday,when the sky was a brilliant shade of orange but the wind's much too cold to be considered normal.
You wiped away the tears that streaked down my face as we continued to argue.
We both went home upset,not knowing when to talk again.
That night,I received a phone call.
You were involved in an accident,and they said you were hurt.
I came by to visit you the next day,but you didn't speak to me.I waited outside your room for hours on end,until finally,when my eyes were swollen from crying,you decided to let me in.
You held my hand close to your heart,barely letting go as I walked away.You never said goodbye,and I didn't know how to feel.
Because the tears wouldn’t fall, but my heart wouldn’t stop hurting.
I came back the following days,keeping distance to help you get some rest.
I was walking away again,my back pressed lightly against your closed door,when you called my name.
"Think about it.."You said."The next time I hold your hand like this,I want to see your happy eyes,talking animatedly about a new movie you saw,about how pretty Ashley Greene is,or how you love her Jackson."We both laughed as you mentioned my favorite things,vaguely remembering how crazy I can be.
Life taught me that there was no such thing as perfect. 'Forever' didn’t exist, and 'always' was nothing but a chimera. And as opposed to believing in fairy tales, I learned to believe in things that were real.
You were real. And now, love was, too.
**
Red is the color of rediscovered truths and candid confessions from a faraway land.
I sat on my Uncle's front porch that night,a camera in hand.It was Christmas,I was looking at the stars,remembering how we both like Astronomy.
I tried getting my mind off you,unsuccessfully.My thoughts always drifted back to you,your name.
That night,instead of telling you about my Christmas,I texted you the words I've been meaning to say for as long as I could remember.
Merry Christmas,missing you.
**
Gold is the color of precious memories that only your heart can keep.
"Why are you wearing it?"Our friend asked.
We all knew what you gave me for Christmas.It was a prank,but it meant everything to me.
"It's really very pretty."I reasoned out,twisting the ring around my finger.
It was gold,the fake kind of gold.You bought it for five pesos in a Christmas Bazaar to make me laugh.Our friends did,but I was light hearted when you knelt down to put it on my ring finger.
"It's really,really pretty."I sighed and smiled.
**
I hate you.
I smiled as I heard those words.
I hate you.
To some people,it would have meant the way it should-hate.
I hate you.
Maybe I didn't let my friends copy my homework.
Seann,I hate you.
"Go away,I'm writing."
That's your voice.Wait,you called my name.
I hate you,Seann.
I know what to expect. You always said these words.
I hate you for making me fall hopelessly in love with you.
LOVE.
That's the most beautiful color. The color of hope, forgiveness, joy, sacrifice mixed all together, is the color of love.
**
Yeah, I wish I could say this story has a happy ending.. but no,not really. All the things posted above are based on real experience,though. The only difference is that in my crayon box, love was not the last color, so that's not where it ended,but I hate writing tragedies.
Yes,I wrote this for you,because of you.
You know how I feel.
You know what you did.
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