What Hurts the Most

It's not a competition when you already know who's winning even before it started.

He was holding the gun, and he pulled the trigger.

Her dislike for jealous guys was not a secret, pretty much everybody knows about it.

They were like a couple,only there's no spoken commitment.It all showed in their actions.Today, she was puzzled.He has never been jealous before,or had he ever been,he never let it show.

She sighed,knowing he's referring to her.He thought her friend was her suitor.It annoyed her,him thinking so low of her.It scared him,he didn't want to lose her.

Sensing the tension,and knowing they really have to talk,their friends left the room.He started pacing back and forth,thinking of the right words to say.the words that wouldn't hurt her,but would subtly mean goodbye.

She kept following his movements with side glances,scared that he'd burst out mad.Silence was more painful to her than hearing him scream.It means he's thinking of the things she found unthinkable.

Finally,to her relief (or grief-she didn't know what to feel), he cleared his throat.

It's not a competition when there is only one candidate.

She felt emotions flood her chest as she uttered those words. She never really admitted her real feelings to him.She never said she loves him,and now seems to be the best time. Should she?

I should.She told herself.

Bravely,she started speaking again.

I--... She looked in his eyes,and all she saw were walls being built.And there she was,building bridges.

What were you going to say?He asked.He was sure she's about to tell him how she felt,but for reasons he didn't know,she stopped.

I'm thirsty.She lied,looking at the floor.

I'll get you a drink.He went to the fridge,contemplating on the way if he should just tell her and get over it.

Coward.She scowled at herself as he made his way to the fridge.Why can't you tell him?It's very simple.

He handed her the glass of water,and decided that he'd just tell her how he really feels.

He looked at her frail figure,hugging herself in a sitting position.All his life,he never felt anything like what he felt for her,especially today.He loves her,and today seems to be the best day to tell her.Should he?

I would.He promised himself,sitting at the foot of the bed.

He reached out to stroke her cheek,wondering where to begin.

I--.She looked up at him as he spoke.Her eyes were full of pain and doubt.

What if she freaked out?His mind questioned him.And like the jerk that he was,he bid his heart to follow.

I don't think this-we-would work out anymore.You and I-we have different priorities.

He stood up,his back to her,trying to hide the tears.He was crying,for the first time.

Pain.

That was the first thing she felt,crippling her chest as it replaced every other emotion in her system.His words were like pieces of a shattered glass,sharp,pointed edges,cutting through her heart.

Tears started spilling down her cheeks,both sides racing to reach the surface of her lips where the air would blow them dry.She didn't make a sound,silence was her only reverie.

I'm sorry.I'm sorry for hurting you.You might not want to see me again after this,but I-I am not in love with you.

He slammed the door shut,that was the most prominent memory she had of that day.The pain she felt was just as loud as the banging of the door.It rendered her speechless,but not unconscious to what he was doing.

He ran down the stairs,his head throbbing as he took two steps at a time.He was headed for his home which was conveniently across the street, but rain was pouring outside.

She followed him closely,ignoring the heavy feeling on her chest.His head was still bandaged,and he was not fully recovered from the accident.

He stepped out into the rain, shielded by an umbrella. They walked silently together as she kept her umbrella over his head,never minding her dripping shirt or the coldness she felt when the wind kissed her rain soaked body.

He arrived at his door,not a drop of rain on his shirt. He turned around to see her,the first things she noticed were the paths of dried tears evident on her face.

She looked up at him, smiled painfully, and turned around to leave.

Why did you shield me from the rain?He asked.

What does it matter to you?She managed to choke out in her hoarse voice.

They stared at each other for a minute.Him feeling guilty for bringing tears to her eyes,her feeling sorry for making him so upset.

Slowly,she walked away,feeling regretful that she didn't say the words.

"Because I love you..." She whispered the answer to his question.She was far enough that he wouldn't hear.

He gently closed the door behind him,and watched her leave through his living room window.

"Because I love you..."He said,sighing,as he answered to himself her question earlier.

From a distance, he saw her open up her umbrella, walking slowly away from him, from his life.

I promise not to be the reason for your tears anymore.Painstakingly, he pulled the curtains together,blocking away the view that would always haunt his dreams.