It's unfair how the world keeps spinning when I am stuck in the past and cannot move on.
You know,I tell my friends I'm okay. I laugh and smile and try living my life,but only few of them notice my pretenses and are actually brave enough to call me up on it.
Truth is,I am nearly suicidal. These thoughts run in my head all day and I find myself weighing my options. Who would cry?Who would get hurt?Who would actually feel like I am feeling now?I don't think somebody loves me this much.
Some of my friends are avoiding me now... Maybe,they just don't know how to deal with me anymore... I would say it's fine,but it isn't.It hurts even more because I need them now,and they only turn around and walk away from me,because they do not know what to say,or they do not want to hear what I have to say.
What they don't know is I really have nothing to say.
I just need silence. A shoulder to cry on. A hand to hold while I fumble in the dark.
I don't need them to be sorry for me...I just want to know that they are here for me.
That's the hardest part of losing you. It feels like I have lost everything,too.
Or maybe,because you're all I really had,and I've been denying that to myself all this time.
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