I Look Deep In My Eyes...I've Never Felt So Alone.

So here's the thing, I came here to vent about my life,how sad and lonely and miserable I am. Now, I can't remember what I wanted to say earlier.

Anyway,the skies were really pretty today. It was cloudy and gray,mostly, but on my way home,the silhouettes of the mountains bordered the river view. It was sunset, part of the skies were pink and orange and teal, and then the mountains were just shadowy shades of blue. Lovely. Very.

I'm proud to say I'm slowly retreating out of my shell again,you know?Although sometimes it's still so hard,like when I'm happy,then I will remember him,then I will feel guilty for being happy. I scold myself,asking WHY ARE YOU HAPPY,YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY. I don't know.

I'm very  thankful that I have my friends who never get tired of me.If not for them,I would have given up a long time ago.It just proves that I am lucky,in spite of all this sh*t that I am going through.

Anyway,I have some reason to be happy now.All's fine again with me and my Mom, and my grandma isn't mad about it like I thought she would be.Sometimes,people have to remind me how kind hearted my grandmother is.She deserves more than I give her credit for.

School's draining all the energy out of me.I swear I'm not going to live until graduation if we keep up with this crazy schedule.I sleep mostly at 2 or 3 am and wake up SO early.I feel like a zombie.Sometimes I find myself drifting off to sleep at the most random places/moments/situations.

I'm a bit disappointed cause I was supposed to go to Trinoma on the 22nd (Sunday) to meet up with Mainia and Ate Li to watch Vampires Suck, but Mainia found out that it wouldn't hit Philippine theaters until the 25th,so we moved the date to the 29th. Big sigh. My clothes were pressed,folded, and hung already,and now they'll be sitting on my closet for another week.I was so excited for that trip.

Lastly,I'm going crazy looking for gray boots right now. I am downright obsessed but they are so expensive and if I ordered now,it would take them until October to arrive.I cannot wait that long!I need to have those gray boots NOW.

Because I had a dream that I met Ashley Greene while I was wearing gray boots.I know,I know I'm crazy...I'm just chasing my dream. What have I got to lose,anyway? Plus I have always wondered what I would look like with boots on.

So you see,I feel lighter now than I have ever been in the past few posts.It feels so good to just lie on my own bed and think about stuff and have a good cry. I guess someday I will move on and smile completely without feeling guilty. Just not now.Not yet..