Sometimes,numbness is worse than pain. I often find myself unable to sleep at night-that's because of the numbness that seems to seep in my veins.It makes me want to wish to actually have a bedroom window-this room feels suffocating at times like this.
Once or twice,I'd turn the lights on just to make sure I'm still here.The coldness and the darkness don't help of course,I don't feel at home.I do feel tired though,and there's nothing I could do but cope until I get it over with.
I sit up,try to listen to my surroundings and all I hear are the crickets and the soft blow of the breeze outside-just nature taking a breath.I wish I could see the moon from here.That would be better than curling up with a pillow,trying to fall asleep to no avail.God,I can't even think clearly.My mind is clouded with random thoughts that simply mean nothing. This is numbness.Worse than pain.
I wish I could just feel pain.At least I would have a reason to be upset about something.Frustratingly enough,there's nothing.I don't know if my blood still courses through my veins.I don't know if I still have pulse beats,but I definitely am breathing...and it's really uncomfortable,annoying,to feel upset about something I don't recognize.I feel madness,regret,longing..they're all resurfacing,but for what?That I can't answer.
I tried putting these stupid earphones on and listen to some achy music and it only got worse.I'm longing for something. Something's missing-a part of me..Something I can't go on without.Something I've lost without realizing its absence.
What the f*ck is that something?
I have no f*cking idea!
I started screaming in my head.
And then,as I was about to pinch myself cause maybe I'm just dreaming,
...realization hit me.
I don't want to believe it.
Can this be love?
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