....that is the headache acquired when thinking too much,especially when you don't have that much strength and wits to begin with.
What do you do with life,when all you want is for it to end?
Who wants to wake up in the morning feeling bad about everything,go to school and think some more,eat at your usual lunch table with your usual lunch buddies,listen to them talk and laugh,snicker,boast and talk again?
When life gets this boring,who wouldn't take the nearest possible exit?
Everyday,I dutifully fulfill my responsibilities as a sister,student,granddaughter,niece,classmate,friend,neighbor,human. I open my eyes,wash my face,dress up,eat,go to school,hang out with friends,pay the bills,do my neighbor's son's homeworks (this one sucks the most),get yelled at,be stared at,watch TV,get some time alone...I can't even list them all down,but they are the same things I do each day.Sometimes I don't complain,what right have I?But time wears me off each day,scraping my skin,making me more vulnerable than I already am.I get bored too.Easily.
I hate having petty problems.I just run away from them.I hate thinking,and I hate not having something to think about.I am a pothead-I am not proud of that-I am just stating.My mind is the spontaneous kind.I have a short attention span,and I am much too stubborn to stay in place for a fraction of time.
That's what gives me most of my problems.It's not hard for me to lose connection with friends,even loved ones.When time comes that they cannot provide me with something new anymore,I just give up.I stifle a yawn and walk away.
There are also times when I'm utterly bored with something or someone but I just can't give up.Mainly because I don't want to.This is where my headaches start.
It feels like holding back a tear when there's really nothing you can do about it.It will still fall anyway,no matter the effort you exert to not let it stream down your face.I spend so many nights thinking about the blankness that embraced me since I let go.I know that was the right choice,as right as I can ever be.But somehow,it just felt so wrong.Remember when they say 'trust your instincts'?That's what I did when I waved goodbye.My instincts told me that was right.Now I'm not so sure anymore.My instincts are now asking me to go back,dial yesterday and tell my lips to warn myself to never walk away.What can I do now?It's too late.
So early mornings I stay awake,waiting for sleep to consume me,most of the time,it didn't.I tried reading,listening to soft music..what have I got?Dark circles under my eyes.Puffy eyebags.Dizziness.Constant headaches.I tries getting rid of it with paracetamol,ibuprofen,everything.What have I got?
Headaches.
Pain.
And the only cure is the one who caused them.
Ironic much?
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