Words I Can't Say

I don't know what's with me these days.

I find it hard to express myself.

Even my entries don't stay connected to the topic.
Somehow,I always slip.

I feel so empty.Here we go again.

I go to bed at around 4:00 in the morning every single night.
My eyes won't close even if I force them to.I feel cold.I feel like running somewhere far away.I feel like getting lost in a trance.I'm like a drugged teen when I don't even know drugs.

I feel tired,physically,emotionally.I'm so drained out of emotions.I don't want to deal with the problems...if I could just disappear,like a smoke.

I want to talk to someone,anyone..I feel like I'm losing my mind,but I dared not to.I don't want to burden anyone with myself.The world has bigger problems,but I can't help but be selfish.Why can't I cry?Am I this hard now?All I can do is stare.

Someone asks me if I'm okay,I stare and nod.Someone tells a joke,I stare and fake a smile.Someone offers me something,I stare.God,where am I?Is this still me?

Heavy sighs.I want to snap out of this.I want to be happy.I want to be normal.I want to go out,have fun..but I can't.Somehow it doesn't feel so right.