I Don't Know How It Gets Better Than This ;)

Heeeey, good evening.

Rain is pelting the roofs right now,and I could not ask for more.Sitting in the dark even though lights are available, sipping Coke in a Raspberry Juice bottle so no one would be suspicious that I am drinking Coke even though I really am drinking Coke,and just...writing about my feelings. It's the best.

I'm talking to my friends on the internet. Until now,I still cannot believe that I have made friends through technology.I mean,I was never the type who just went around saying hi and felt comfortable about it.I was never comfortable with people,that's why I used to wonder why I took up HRM,when it is all about meeting and greeting and serving different kinds of people every single day.

Anyway,I have changed a lot since February.I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without smiling while studying my face.Look at you,you still look the same,but you are an entirely different person.I aspired to be a better version of myself,and I'd like to think that I have,in a way,achieved it.

I don't know how I can thank these people for coming into  my life,you know? They've always been here through ups and downs,even when I am moody and pissy. Looking back,I cannot imagine how I managed to live before I met them.It seems to me now like I have always known this life,but in reality,it has only been five months or so.It feels like forever.

Right now,in my life,I could not ask for more.I mean,sure,I do not have everything,but I do have anything I could ever ask for.As long as life goes on like this,with the people who mean the world to me,I promise I'd get by.I am just so happy right now,and there's no particular reason why.

I guess I have just realized that I have to take the good with the bad.Problems are always blessings in disguise. I really really really love life...

Hope

A gift.

A curse.

I didn’t know what I have.

The way.

The course.

The face of the man I love.

I traveled.

I lived.

I longed to meet him.

My past.

My humanity.

I searched,but it was dim.

I ran.

I fought.

I was alone and lonely.

I waited.

And waited.

I waited until he found me.

A monster.

A killer.

I was  the fear of many.

A puppet.

A fool.

I thought love has found me.

I ran away.

Far away.

Until fate intervened.

I was lost,he found me.

I was dying,she saved me.

She held out her hand.

He took it without stopping.

For the first time in years,

The puzzle was complete.

And we felt hope.

It's Just Another Day

I sit on the front steps of our house. It's a cold morning, but beautiful nonetheless. I wonder if people see the same things as I do.Gently,I rub my eyes and yawn. Fog is covering up the city.

"What are you thinking,doing nothing here?" My Momma asks. "Go to work,you fool!"

I reluctantly obliged. It is Sunday, but I have to work on Sundays to keep the family alive.In fact,I have to work every day,no rest.

I put on my daintiest clothes,and by daintiest, I mean an old donated shirt and a greasy pair of shorts. I sit on the dining table, my Dadda is not here, and like the usual, we do not eat in silence.

My five siblings fight for more food,food that does not exist;or at least,not in our plates.My Momma feeds herself and then scolds them; she pinches my little brother's arms.

"Goodbye,Momma." I say, giving her a hug before I head off for work.I already know what to expect.

She pries me away from her,annoyed. "Go now and bring money home!" She scolds, "We cannot live with these hugs and hugs alone."

"Yes,Momma." I say, cause all I want is to please her.

Outside, it is cold and the streets are wet. It has just rained last night,washing away the dirt in the road.Sometimes, I wish the rain can wash away my fears,too.

I skip from one street to another,looking for the best place to work. My feet bring me to the Church, so off I enter to pray.

I kneel before God and ask not for any material things, but for forgiveness.


I'm sorry for not being the daughter that my Momma needs.


I'm sorry for whatever trouble my Dadda is causing You right now.


I'm sorry for every single swear word that comes out of my siblings' mouths.


I'm sorry if sometimes, I blame You for all the wrong in my life.

I sit outside the church, just watching the people around me. If Momma sees me like his,she would scold me for wasting precious time,and maybe give me a slap or two across my cheeks,but I watch. I watch a mother hold her little daughter's hand,they are smiling at each other. She buys her a cone of ice cream...Oh,what I wouldn't give to have a taste.

I watch a man buy his son a blue balloon,playing with him all the while.I envy that boy;my Dadda rarely goes home,and when he does,it's either he's drunk,or he needs money for gambling.It doesn't matter though.It makes me happy to see him every once in a while.

It is afternoon now,and I still haven't got a single penny in my pocket.I look around,everyone is busy..Walking, talking, laughing, pushing each other off the road. It's funny how life goes on for some people while you badly want to end yours.

I walk over to a fastfood joint,a kind hearted lady gives me her half eaten burger.Ah,this will do.I sit on the curb,ready to eat my late lunch,when they came.

"Hey...A burger!"

I hid the food behind me. "Yes it is."

"Give it to me." The leader says, pulling my hair.

"No,this is mine!Earn your own food!"

"Ah,you're brave now,huh?" With that,he gives me one jab on the stomach,takes my food,and walks away laughing with his gang.

I lie on the dirty pavement, writhing in pain. I position a tin can on the side walk, calling "alms, alms" to the passers by,who normally throw me one glance, and occasionally put a penny or two in my can.

Evening comes and my earnings are still not enough. The skies are dark,signaling another starless night, another rain.

And I am not wrong.Minutes later it rains,and I have nowhere to turn to. I am soaked, my clothes are dripping wet, but I cannot go home just yet.

"Alms... Alms..."

But nobody seems to listen. Times like this,I appear invisible to everybody. After all, who am I?

I am just a five year old,asking for spare money.It is not the society's responsibility to give me some.

I start walking home,crying,because I know what is waiting for me. As I brave the storm, a battle is ensuing within me. Shall I just let the flood carry me to where I should be? Or will I swim against the current to where I want to be?

As I lay the coins on the table,I wait for the worst to happen. I watch the shadows dance against the walls of our poorly lit hut while my Momma count the money.

"This," she hisses at me,holding up my chin. A tear streaks down my face, and I start to shiver with fear. "Is simply not enough!"

"I'm sorry, Momma." I cry, but we both know she would not listen anyway.

She turns her back on me,lighting up a cigarette. "You will have nothing for dinner."

With that, my night ends, and I cry myself to sleep, clenching my rambling stomach.The crickets sang me a lullaby, and as soon as I close my eyes,I can't help but whisper...

It's just another day.

I Desperately Need You...

Just tell me what you want...

Cause I can't figure your mind out. All my life,I have been longing for love and acceptance. From you, from my Mom, from my sister, from my friends...I've tried so hard to be the best,not for myself,but for all of you...Because you made me feel like I am only loved when I went home with a gold medal in hand, with a Certificate to hang on the wall. If not for them, I would never be part of this family.

For two consecutive nights,I went to bed hungry because you didn't make dinner. One morning before going to school, you never spoke to me directly,but you made sure to make loud banging noises whenever you put down whatever it was you were holding, which was quite often.

It hurt me,but you didn't know.Did you even care? Do you even care?

I accidentally put on my sister's pants and she came to you almost crying because of it.Even though we wear the same size,you bought her a new pair immediately.You said that was what I got from my Mom, the habit of taking the things I didn't own.Did you know how painful that was for me?Not only because you were directly puttig me to shame,but also because I knew that in one way or another,you would always make it a point to rub it on my face how bad my Mom would always be.I was eating lunch and I asked you if we had any other available drink other than water, you made me a pitcher of orange juice. Guess what? You made me pay for the juice.

Today was not any better than those days. It was even worse, or perhaps it was the worst. You accused me of stealing my necklace from you. Why would I do that? I may be in dire need of money but I would never dream of stealing anything from anyone just to be able to cater to my needs. This, by far, is the most painful thing anyone has ever done to me.

I said no,I didn't.What was your response? You told me that it was impossible for it to just disappear like that. I don't even have the slightest idea where you put those jewelries. You're the one who's so fond of wearing them every Sunday to Church just so you could show them what we have,what we own.You said it was impossible for you to have misplaced or lost it,when in reality,the chances of you losing it is as fat as the chances of you losing a peso.You think you are so great as to not lose a piece of jewelry when as far as I know,you left it somewhere in your room,completely vulnerable and unkept.

You know,I may not be the best person in the world, but I have fear in God, and my conscience can never take such a thing. I'd rather starve to death than take what is not rightfully mine.I wish for just once you would believe me,but knowing you,you have already made your mind in what you should believe in before you asked me.

I wish you have the faintest idea of how your treatment is pushing me to the limits every single time.I pretend I'm alright,but you are my biggest fear.I am so scared of disappointing you,and when you are around I move as little as possible because I don't want to yet again make another stupid mistake in front of your observant eyes.I don't know what to do anymore to be able to please you...I think I'm growing tired...

I wish someday you'd see me as a person too...How long will it take for you to realize that I have feelings too...? That everytime you tell others how much better my sister is,it hurts,because I know that you know that I can hear you...I don't know what I did for you to treat me like trash, but if you think I'm this worthless, then why don't you just throw me out?

I may be of better use to someone else...

Can This Be Love?

 Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I love the feeling it’s giving me now…

At night, I toss and turn, thinking about him, his smile, studying his face in my memory. Do I remember his face right? Is the cute dimpled cheek on the left? Or should that be on the right? I browse my phone, reading and rereading his messages, looking for clues, hidden meanings, or just reading them to make me smile. It never fails. He gives me sleepless nights.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? I am not sure of this feeling somehow…

When I see him, it’s like what happens in the movies. Everything stops, if only for a minute, and our surroundings are a blur. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world, just us two. But when he passes by and smiles, I don’t know what to do. Shall I smile back, say hi? He makes me nervous whenever he’s around. I feel self conscious, as if his eyes are only for me. Somehow, I am happy, and scared, too. If he holds out his hand, shall I put my heart in it and trust him not to break it? When that smile breaks on his face, I feel like everything is possible. I feel like I can do anything… I will do everything, just to see him smiling.

Can this be love I’m feeling right now? The voce inside me is guiding me now…

It’s telling me now to take his hands… When I hear his voice, I tremble inside. My heart fills immediately with inexplicable joy, it forgets about all the burdens. It tells me to take the chance and fall, even though I might not land back safely in his arms. What is this I’m feeling? Can this be love? Just the mere sound of his name blown by the wind to my thoughts is an intricately weaved lullaby, luring me to keep my eyes close and dream. It makes me feel peaceful, as if nothing could go wrong. If I take the risk and shut my mind down, I’m his. I’m his, to make or break, and try as I might, I just couldn’t tell myself otherwise.

Chase The Colors Of The Skies...

The sun is breaking in your eyes to start a new day...

Do we really have to hurt someone else's feelings just so we could feel good about ourselves? This world really gets the best of me at times.I don't even know what I am talking about.I just need to distract myself.My mind is not the best place to be in right now.

Another question,why are some people so full of themselves? Don't they realize that the world does not revolve around them alone?Like for example,I have a friend who always turns the conversation back to her when we are talking...Like,always...And sometimes I just want to be blunt and tell her that she is so self obsessed but...I know how it would make her feel,so I go around sucking it all up like a loser.

Anyway...My problem is,should I still hang around with her?I've been trying to minimize our talks lately because when we do talk,it would be all about her and the boys that 'go crazy' for her,or even some girls that do too.It makes me sad to talk about her like this,but I cannot hold it all in anymore.It's just so upsetting...

I want her to start thinking about others for once,but wouldn't that seem like I am trying to change her into someone she's not?I know,I sound selfish,but do you know what it feels like,chatting up with your friend because you need someone to listen to your serious problems about life,but she always cuts you up with replies like 'ah...', 'i see...', 'it would be fine...', I mean,phrases that indicate a lack of interest... And then she'd grab the wheel and steer it into her direction,her fantasy world where guys fight because of her...And some other shallow things?

I really want to be her friend...But my instincts are telling me that she's only using me for her own benefits,and really..I wouldn't like that to happen...Maybe she thinks I am stupid enough to never know when she is lying and just plain boasting around to make herself feel better even if sometimes, it really gets me down. I am not even competing with her, I just want to hang out with the right kind of crowd,because more often than not, these habits are infectious,and it scares me that I might just wake up one day and have the same qualities...And then someone else would feel exactly how I am feeling right now.Does that make sense?

I am by your side... Love will find you...

Hi,This Is Not An E-Mail :D

YASMINA BERKEMEIJER

And time stands still beneath the air of waiting hours
To touch, just to feel a love that seems to overpower me
She's all I'll ever need
And you know her love just hypnotizes me
'Til All I see is beautiful

At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven
My Life, it seems so lonely here without your presence
You could change my everyday
And I could never think of love without your name
As you remain---

Beautiful--- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful--- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful--- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful--- making everything brand new
Beautiful you

And all this time you're changing me to something better
A love so high that everyday that we're together
I will leave the world below
Until your heart becomes the only thing I know

Yas,

The biggest and dorkiest grins break out of my face when i log on to MSN and see that I have an e-mail from you. Seriously, you don't know how happy you are making me.

You,just like the song I posted above,are beautiful. No other word could describe you. Beautiful doesn't even give you justice.

I know that you don't believe it,just like I don't believe it when people tell me that I am beautiful. See? We are always standing on the same ground,sailing on the same boat.Sometimes, I just want to call my Mom and ask if I ever happen to have a long lost twin or something.

You know what makes me smile in spite of all the wrong things in the world? The thought that if you are ugly,I am ugly too,and we'll be ugly together. Remember that? When we decided that how you see yourself is how you see me,and vice versa? Ever since then,I started looking in the mirror saying "hey beautiful" cause all I see is you.

Believe me,Yas. You are one of the prettiest girls I know,physically. Anyone who doesn't see that is just plain blind. Your heart shines too.It stands out from the rest of the world.I can see it even from here.

You're one of the few I trust right now,and talking to you always feels like summer breeze...easy, peaceful, calm, natural. With you, I cannot hide behind a fake smile, because you can always tell when something's wrong. You're the only one who asks "Are you okay?" and actually presses me to tell you what is bothering me.

I love you,and I don't think I can live without you. I mean I can,but I would never wish to. You're all I need,you know? A best friend, a mentor, an adviser, a sister... The list could go on forever.

Words would never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me.Just typing it all down makes my heart brim all the more with love and respect for you.I look up to you,really.

I want the rest of the world to acknowledge how great a person you are,but sometimes, I become selfish and I don't want them to find out how amazingly awesome you are cause they might steal you away from me. XD

Through hell and back,I'll follow you if I have to.That's what best friends do, but really..I'll do everything for you.

I LOVE YOU Lemonade XD

You're the bestestestest friend in the whole wide world.

~Seann

The Coolest Gang In the World

Mainia, Ate Pat, Ate Li, Mar, and Ketty...

You guys are awesome,and if I have one favorite part of my life right now,you guys would definitely be included.

We haven't known each other for so long,but I feel perfectly at home with you. You gave me a place to belong to.A place where I can just be me and still be accepted and loved for it.

We all know we're going through a lot right now,and sometimes it feels like the best option is to just let go and forget,but we never gave up,and we never will.

It hurts,what is happening right now, but it will all pass,and in the end,it's still us,holding on to each other like our lives depended on it.

I love you guys so much.If not for you,I wouldn't learn to be strong and deal with the pain that love brings. At the end of the day, what matters is not Greenebone.

What matters is the Greenebone Gang, and I will definitely take a bullet for you. Again,I could never say it enough,but thank you,and from the bottom of my heart, I love you, guys.

All for one,one for all. <3

She Won't Stop Telephoning Me :)

SOFIA ALVAREZ

Sofia...... You're in my blog! ;P

First of all,thank you for always cheering me up when I'm down.you did that again earlier this evening.

I just want you to know,Sofia, that I appreciate and love you,and I think you are cool and awesome (there,I said it.hehe). It surprises me that we have so many things in common, but what can I say?You have good taste. :)

Also,when I see your photo or name, they give me a feeling that you are very responsible and rational when it comes to things. That's where we differ.Whereas I am stubborn, you are chill and relaxed, enjoying every moment. Whereas I panic, you help me understand how things work their way.

Thank you,Sofia, for being such a sweet heart. Maybe you do not have any idea of how much I value you and how nice it feels when I am talking to you,but I really do appreciate you.

Rihanna is so lucky to have a fan as amazing as you are,Sofia.

I love you,not with all my heart. I love you with all of me. :)

My SITSters!

VICTORIA JAYNE TELLING

Hehe,ain't I cool?Sitsters! Hahaha XD

Vicky,who is turning 17 on the 27th, I love you.

For spending 4-5 hours sat on your bedroom floor just reading She Is The Sunlight, you stole my heart away.

For spending the next two hours talking to me through Fanfiction private messages, you painted a smile on my face.

You. Are. Exceptional.

I simply adore you.If that is not obvious enough,sharpen your nails and dig my heart out of my chest.You'll see, in between the plasters and breaks,your name is written all over it.

I know you're going through a lot right now,Vicky.You have us in front of you.Not behind, girl, take note of that. I'd rather hurt before you.I wish I could take all your sorrows away,you know? I want to be the one who saves you.

Vicky,I love you.We both know that.Heck, everybody knows that. And whatever it is that comes into your life,you have my support in everything. Do not be afraid to get hurt sometimes. Do not be afraid of love,for that's what ties us together. I know you'll make it through everything.I just know.

The day I met you is one of the best days of my life. The day we became three IS the best day ever. Like what I always say, Vick,I could possibly meet a thousand other people, but like a star that glows in the dark,you will always have a special place in my sky.

I LOVE YOU.

~Seann

LOUISE MURPHY

Laaaaal.

It's been five months,Lal! Can you believe it?

Sometimes,I go thinking about how my life could have been if I didn't sign up for an account in Fanfiction. Now I realize,it was fate.

It was fate that we met and have each other to run to when the rest of the world walks out.

It was fate that we beat the odds.

It was fate that we be good where one is bad, be happy where one is sad. Just like fire and ice, we balance each other.

I could never thank you enough for coming into my life,Louise.You don't know what hell I was in before you.I was a zombie. A snob zombie. A snob zombie that couldn't care less about others. And loves Jackson Rathbone.

There are things that are hard to explain.Our age gap could not form a bridge between the differences in our opinions,but somehow,we work it out.

I hate the things and people that hurt you,Louise,you should know that. If only I could put my foot down and let them see how much you mean to me,they will know.They will never harm you.

It upsets me when the world acts cruel towards you.Someone as beautiful as you are doesn't deserve such harsh treatment,just bear that in your mind.And if you need a back up,call me.

I could never afford to lose you both in my life.

Because we were never really complete until we found each other.

Just like Jasper and Alice.

<3