It's Not Much,But We Can Make A Life Out Of It.

 

 Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live.

Faced myself in the mirror early today. I've been spending some time holding my head between my knees,trying to shut everything out. I miss my friends. I miss going on vacations with my family,no matter how short the times I got to spend with them were. Today was my grandmother's birthday,and reality hit me square in the face.She's getting older,weaker,and each minute I spend with her should be priceless. I watched her every move.The way she took a piece of my fish for luch,the way she sipped Coke from my glass. I'm scared cause I don't know how much more time I have to see her like this. I'm scared...

My phone is filled with notes I type late at night when 'm up,trying to drown my thoughts with music. What would become of me? I don't know,but I know what and who I am and who I want to be right now.

I'm young,and I know I shouldn't be scared. Hell, I know what kind of music I want to listen to,and I will blast it out whenever I want,wherever I want. I'm entitled to make as many mistakes as everybody else, wear whatever suits my fancy, say my thoughts aloud.I can dance in the middle of the street and NOT care what strangers say. I can skip school whenever I wish to just because I can. I can say "Fuck Mondays" and I will never wait for Friday,it will come to me. 

I'm young,and I wish I wasn't scared. I wish I could admit to my mistakes and just shrug it all off in the end. I get mad at my friends for doing stupid things WITHOUT me. I hate it that time passes by so quickly,that we barely have time to breathe and watch the world around us because we're all so occupied with our own needs.

I'm young, and I'm scared. I'm scared of not being who I want to be. I'm scared of not blending in with the crowd, when all I really want is to stand out. I'm scared of growing old alone,and I can't wait to fall in love again. I'm scared that Christmas will be lonely just because I have no one special to share it with,and seeing happy couples make me jealous,but I say they make me sad,because I can't admit to jealousy. I'm scared that one day,the world will look at me through my very own eyes and see that I really am no one special at all, just a piece of twig wrapped in pretty ribbons. I'm scared that the future isn't as secure as it once seemed. I'm scared that I might find him.My dork with the black framed glasses, dark, messy waves, suspenders and intelligence.

I'm scared that I'm wanting all the right things at the wrong time. 

I'm scared, cause I know this life is mine, but I might never be able to actually own it.

My Happy Ending ♥

I know that nobody's perfect,but this won't stop me from hoping that someday,someone who's perfect for me will come.He will be simple, loving, and a gentleman. He will have a great sense of humor and a tender heart that cares for others, and he will not,by any means, tell a lie just to impress me. Every time I'm with him, I will feel safe and fuzzy inside. We will be good together, and good for each other.

Someday,I will fall in love with the right person,at the right time,and for all the right reasons.And when that happens, I will not get so caught up in him that I will forget all the little things I love about myself, like my long,curly hair, the way I love laughing at the silliest things, and how I love spending some time alone. He will help me achieve my little goals every day (like doing something good for another person's benefit at least once a day, and be able to express myself through the smallest things), and support me in pursuing my grandest,craziest dream: to be a published author of a free style memoir.

I may not run into the person I deserve anytime soon,but that's okay. I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not in a hurry. I know the Prince Charming kind of guy is out there,and he is also looking for me.And when we do find each other,it will be real and wonderful and magical and just unbelievable. And I will know for sure that the long wait-and maybe even the heartbreaks that came with it-was totally worth it.♥
\

You Can Make It Happen.

If you have a dream, then the time to start chasing it is now. Don’t wait until tomorrow. You owe it to yourself to follow your dream.

-Ashley Greene

I don't think I have ever been this determined. Most people know for a fact that what Seann wants,Seann gets. I'm stubborn like that,and it's no secret that once I set my eyes on something,there's no stopping me.

Maybe I'm crazy. Yasmina said I was crazy-I told her all about it and I guess she's right. I'm crazy...I always am. But if there's something I badly want today, right at this very moment, it's this: I want to go to Los Angeles for Breaking Dawn. As plain and simple as that. I want to meet Jackson Rathbone and Ashley Greene at least once in my life, for if I don't, I don't think I'll ever say I have lived. So I decided-I owe it to myself to follow my dream and this is that dream. I am going to act on it and make it happen or at least try.

It sounds impossible,yes? It seems like just yesterday, on my way home from the mall, I was thinking about a certain friend of mine who made a firm decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of being an actress. I was skeptical, to say the least, because not everyone can have the same fate and luck as Ashley Greene. When you really ponder on it, it's not easy to just pack your bags and go-considering you are a total alien with no place to stay in or a comrade to depend on. I was thinking she was crazy. I have almost forgotten that all the best people are.

I am going to work on this, earn this reward for myself. Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared of letting this dream just float away with the wind. I'm scared that if I don't try reaching for it, one day, I might regret it...And that's what I hate the most. It would be really awful when I'm old and gray and I look back on this day and see clearly where I went wrong. I do not want that to happen.

I'm not sure,of course, if I could make it happen. What with all the fuss and effort I have to make,like getting a passport and a US Visa, and an authentic NSO Birth Certificate, the least of my worries are the plane tickets. But as I have said, I am too determined to back out now.Not now,not when I have seen a glimpse of hope that tells me I can. I can. I just have to work on it.

I have always been a dreamer. Regrets are the most painful part of my life,and each regret pinches my heart a little too painfully, to the point where I begin promising myself that whenever I have a dream, I will at least try and do my best to achieve it, and leave out all the rest to Him. That way, it wouldn't hurt when I think about it, because I have done my part. I could tell myself that it is not my fault anymore,it just really isn't meant to be.

As for now, it feels like there's a fire blazing in my heart. It's all I can think about. It's like I have seen what life is all about-it's all about chasing your dreams and making them come true. It's about having that one great purpose, that one great passion that will make you say your life is complete once it happens. Why, Ashley Greene was seventeen when she moved to LA to pursue her dream. She waited long enough before it happened but look where she is now. If she sat around their house in Florida,would she have been cast as Alice Cullen? Probably not. She worked hard for her dreams to come true, and that is what I will do.

Because when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life.

My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries,and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I should not seem a part of it. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath - a source of little visible delight, but necessary. I am Heathcliff - he's always, always in my mind - not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself - but as my own being.

 I've been reading Wuthering Heights all day and I still cannot find the will to put the book down.My head is still pounding-it has been aching and throbbing for days now but it doesn't compare to the pain in my chest.

It has been a month and two days. I'm starting to doubt that I can ever forget. What I wouldn't give to forget for even just a second. I wish it was that easy, but then again, this is life. Moreover, everybody dies sometime. Everybody gets left behind.

I am literally sighing as I type down this post. Perhaps, next year, I will look back to this day and laugh at myself. Perhaps I'll wonder why I am so down today,almost losing hope,clueless and scared of the future.Maybe it will all end happily. Maybe one day, I will be able to walk down the streets, good as new, as if I have never gone through something like this at all. Or maybe not.

I kind of made a promise to myself. I've been hurting a lot lately,and I think it's about time I make myself happy. The question is how? How do I make myself happy when as soon as the word happiness comes to mind,all my brain can produce is a very vivid scene of myself with a guy-a guy whose face I cannot see-together in a brightly lit room,feeling warm and cozy,sitting in an oriental rug,reading some novels by the fire. I can hear the crackling sound of the coals breaking as the heat consume them. I can feel his fingertips absentmindedly brushing against mine. The sound of the heavy pouring rain pelting the roofs is so real that I can almost touch it.

I guess I just have to wait,you know? Wait for time to actually mend everything that's broken. But no matter what happens, I will never wait for life. Death has been showing itself to me quite often these days- I have attended quite a lot of funerals, more than normal, if I should say so. Every time I see someone else part with a loved one for good, it breaks me. It breaks me cause I know how awful it feels to know that there is NOTHING you can do. Sometimes, it almost drives me crazy, knowing that it doesn't really matter if I cry all night. In the morning, he still will not be there, and the only thing that will change is that my eyes will appear puffier than they already are.

With that said, I just realized that nothing good really comes out of my grievance. It only annoys my friends who don't care enough and hurts the ones who do. So I'm letting go...Step by step, day by day, we will part until it's not so painful anymore. I will keep my head up,searching the skies for the brightest star,and I shall assume it is you,shining down on me. I will keep my head up and let the golden beams of sunlight kiss my face,and it shall be just as good as your lips brushing smoothly against my skin.

I shall love everything beautiful in this world, and it will be like loving you, and it will be like you are never gone at all.

Hope

A gift.

A curse.

I didn’t know what I have.

The way.

The course.

The face of the man I love.

I traveled.

I lived.

I longed to meet him.

My past.

My humanity.

I searched,but it was dim.

I ran.

I fought.

I was alone and lonely.

I waited.

And waited.

I waited until he found me.

A monster.

A killer.

I was  the fear of many.

A puppet.

A fool.

I thought love has found me.

I ran away.

Far away.

Until fate intervened.

I was lost,he found me.

I was dying,she saved me.

She held out her hand.

He took it without stopping.

For the first time in years,

The puzzle was complete.

And we felt hope.

Respect Is A Two Way Road

I actually didn't spot this particular scene in the movie. :(

Because of Eclipse's different screening days for different countries, Twihards and some not so hard fans are having a hard time getting along on the net. The reason? Spoilers.

I repeat.

Spoilers.

Yes,the bits of movie information that some people who have already seen the movie are posting on Twitter. Those who have to wait are complaining because they feel like we are spoiling the movie for them. (I am not really involved with this, I never posted any spoiler except for my previous blog post which was labeled with "Alert" so it doesn't count.)

In my own humble opinion, some of the guys who haven't seen the movie yet are being irrational. You are going way overboard over this petty thing. Don't hate me, okay? It's just that...I understand where you are coming from. Your point is that you want to wait for the movie and see it without knowing in advance what to expect, but let's face it. You cannot stop the people who have seen it if they want to talk about the movie. It is their right,you know?

You are asking for them to respect you and the fact that you haven't seen the movie yet. Let me just tell you that to gain respect,you must give respect. You can ask politely ("Please do not post spoilers,we are yet to see the movie" is so much better than "Stop posting spoilers! Just fucking stop!") Trust me, you would never get your way with the latter.

Again,these people have all the right to talk about the movie because first of all,they paid to see it.Second,it is their Twitter accounts they are using to post such things, and there is a fat chance that they do not intend to spoil the movie for you. They are just happy and so content that they want to talk about it.Is that so bad?

I think the best solution for this is just unfollow them if you do not like what they are posting, or get off of Twitter until you see the movie. We can't do anything about it,anyway. They will post spoilers whatever you do or say,so just get rid of them.

To those of us who have seen the movie, please respect our friends who are still waiting.Do not post lines and scenes unless you are being asked to. Try to minimize giving away the movie in your tweets. You can always talk about how the movie made you feel,but tweeting what EXACTLY happened and what the characters did and said is just plain annoying to those who hate spoilers. If someone asks about the movie,perhaps we could answer them in DMs so that if it happens to have any spoilers,at least it will not be posted publicly.

Let us avoid having arguments and fights about things as shallow as this. After all, Eclipse will leave the theaters in time and we'll be back with each other again. We are like one family here. We should be there for each other come what may. Just ask politely and give without complaining.

Work on teams, life is all about give and take.

Never Lose Focus!

Woooh!!! I traveled 4 hours to Manila to see Eclipse with Mainia today and it was the best day ever! Ever! EVER!!!

I still got the Eclipse fever,can you tell?Well,it was so fucking good,I had to curse about it even though I am not really a big fan of profanity. I think I'll see it again tomorrow. No,I'm sure I will see it again tomorrow!

So this post is all about the movie.I perfectly understand that some of you guys haven't seen the movie yet and you might not like spoilers, so I'm putting my review and fangirling squees after the cut. Click the line if you want! But don't blame me if it ruins or strengthens your excitement!
Okay, so we spent more than an hour in line to buy tickets cause there was a HUGE number of people swarming for them. It was early; we started at 11 in the morning. By the time we got our tickets, it was 12:30 in the afternoon. The movie began at 2:30, and we were seated on the second row.We were practically looking up to the screen but we had no choice beacuse the theater was packed,and those were the only seats available.

Let me tell you though, it was WORTH it. More than that, to be honest. It was very rewarding cause for two movies' worth I have been disappointed that Melissa Rosenberg didn't seem to care enough about the characters apart from Edward and Bella (cough Alice and Jasper cough) . First, in Twilight, she didn't write about Alice's backstory, nor did she include them in the Prom scene. I mean come on, perhaps it was not Melissa's fault; perhaps it was the production staff's or whatever---but seriously?Like,they could have at least shown rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper going to prom.

In New Moon, my favorite scene was the airport scen where the depth of Jasper and ALice's relationship was defined. Well, sadly, it's all in the book,but NOT in the movie. I was so disappointed,like, Jasper only got a line or two! It was....sad.

Now! I didn't expect anything to avoid getting to disappointed once the movie came out like the other two, but frankly--I knew there must be some reason why Eclipse is my favorite book (and now,movie) from the Saga.Among the three,it was the best.And maybe I am being biased,but I don't think Breaking Dawn can surpass this--the book's plot is just too overwhelming-in a bad way-unless they include more of Alice and Jasper.

Now,on with the review which is like 8275265% squee and 7338765% fangirling and swooning over Jacksper!

AGAIN, SPOILER ALERT! Click on the line at your own risk

Twilight And It's Characters-In Five Sentences

For years now,we are all obsessed with Twilight. Anything Twilight. Sure,we do know all the characters but what about the others? The non-twi-hards who don't have any idea who Bella or Edward is? Well, here, let me help them. ;P In five sentences each, I will introduce you to Twilight. ;P

TWILIGHT

Twilight is a romance novel created by Stephenie Meyer who dreamt of a girl and a vampire in the meadow. It's main characters are Bella and Edward but for me it's really Alice and Jasper, cause I said so. It is a saga made up of four novels, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn, respectively. If you don't know anything about it yet then I am so sorry for you. Many fan girls will aspire to kill you.

EDWARD

Edward is a vampire,more than a hundred years old, who falls in love with a clumsy girl (see: Bella). He is strong and romantic and has really nice hair. He has a family, too, though they are all adopted. He likes Volvo and for him Bella smells really really good. Oh, and he sparkles.

JACOB

Jacob Black is Bella's best friend and Edward's biggest rival. At first he has long hair but maybe because Edward looks gorgeous with his locks,Jacob decided that he would be gorgeous too if he cut his hair,so he did. He's a creepy stalker (he jumps into bedrooms quite easily) but not as creepy as Edward. He likes naps and he can't keep a secret. He runs around topless, all the freakin' time.

BELLA

Bella Swan started all this Twilight craze because the novels were told from her point of view (Jacob shares his POV in Breaking Dawn). She's the clumsiest girl ever made and she likes making out A LOT. She's a bad liar but she still tells lies. She likes papercuts, and later on, she cuts herself with a sharp rock cause that's how she rolls. She mumbles and blinks a lot.

ALICE

Alice is Edward's adoptive sister and Bella's best friend. She's always hyper like she just drank a liter of Coke or something, and she LOVES shopping. She can see the future based on the decisions made, but she can't see the future of the werewolves. She can pitch for baseball like crazy, and she likes walking on tree tops. Guilty of stealing a yellow Porsche.

JASPER

Jasper Whitlock Hale is Alice's husband who used to be the youngest major in a Confederate Army in Texas. He has a sexy Southern drawl and a sexy voice. The production made him wear horrible wigs but he certainly pulled off the look, and proved to be the sexiest and most beautiful vampire ever (in my eyes,okay?). He growls at the smell of blood resulted by a silly papercut,and even when he growls he is sexy. He gets to ride a horse and kiss Alice Cullen, which is totally fine with me (okay, NOT.).

ROSALIE

Rosalie Hale was described by Bella as the most beautiful face on Earth or something like that. She acts like a beeeyotch toward Bella most of the time because Bella is human who wants to be a vampire while she is a vampire who would give everything to be human because she wants to have a child. She pretends to be Jasper's twin sister in Forks. She's the wife of Emmett Cullen. Her favorite expression: my monkey man.

EMMETT

Emmett likes arm wrestlings and other things that let him prove that he is strong. He's goofy. He likes bears for food because a bear mauled him before Rosalie found him in the woods. He likes teasing Bella and Edward and the rest of the family. He and Rosalie destroyed a number of houses while having S (soup).

**
That's all because I'm tired. More to come (maybe) soon. I do not mean to offend anybody here,okay (sorry to the fans of Twilight who might get mad--I am a Twilighter too! This is purely for fun) Thanks.

Life Is Hard...But It's Worth A Try.

I'll Be There For You from seann pangilinan on Vimeo.


I was so lonely that I played the piano.Yes,I played the piano after six years.The last time I laid a hand on it was the day after Dad's burial rights...That was the lowest point of my life so I never touched it again.I last played Annie Laurie.

Today seemed to be even lonelier than that day.I felt so alone.I was so sad that I gravitated towards the piano without second thoughts and played and sang.Yes,I know my voice was horrible in this vid,but hey,I'm not a techie so I have no idea how to edit it,so bear with me.And I was crying.Not to boast but I'm actually good in singing...But recording it felt so uncomfortable so I ended up with this shit.It's okay though...You could hear me crying...And then you could laugh at me.isn't that magnifico?

With my sprained foot and cheap microphone I recorded it then edited to minimize the noise.It is to show how deeply I care for two people...And how sorry I am for causing them unnecessary drama and pain.They could live with less of that.

I just want you to know that I'm always here when you need me.It wouldn't be the same,but I wouldn't be too far away.

P.S. Thank you so much to Yasmina for knocking some sense into me.Please don't slap me.And thanks for believing in me and seeing the good in me. :)

Drunk Tweeting....Is Not A Crime

I've been spending too much time staring at Ashley Greene's picture on the internet.I think I need to change a little.It's not healthy anymore.

Hello,I almost forgot to greet you.I guess you're expecting to read another crazy blog entry,noh?Well I don't know....You might be disappointed.

I'm here to talk about my drunken tweets last night.No,I was not drunk with alcohol,and I never will be.I just had a little too much Pepsi in my system...So I was very hyper.And when I woke up today and read my previous tweets,man.Did I really say those? See for yourself.

I have just eaten a drunk gummi bear.I'm totally including this moment in my fanfic.

Will I be considered religious if I worship you and the band?Monkeyism...

Rathbone-ism? What do you call the worshippers...Rathboners?

I suggested to everyone that instead of actually laughing out loud we should just say LOL so now we're all saying LOL.including Mimi's Dad.

SMOJCALANTC (Trust me,you wouldn't want to know what this means.)

@decodelala i miss yew more ohyeahbaby!

@decodelala i missh you too like mashed potatoes and where is @vickyvictoria10?

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10 heeeee we're complete like mashed potatoes!!!

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10I'm peeled. :D

@VickyVictoria10 @decodelala I changed my mind.I'm not a potato.I'm a banana. *hint hint* @TheFakeJAction

@TheFakeBenG If I promise to be a good girl,will you tweet me?

@decodelala LMAO we do we do!!Like dora the explorer we did it we did it yeah!

@TheFakeBenG I was hoping you'd say you love me. D:

@decodelala @VickyVictoria10 I'm drunkbroken.

*stabs a sword straight to my heart*

@LoveLoveLove715 LMAO I'm happier now than when I was a kid when I had the pencil case with the second floor.Hahaha 

Sooooo I was a little crazy,noh? But it's all good. *nods* I slept at 4:00 am, holy yellow Porsche,maybe that's why I'm still sleepy...and dizzy...and hungry.Oh well.

Tomorrow I have a plan to watch a movie with Ham,but I haven't told my grandmother about it yet.I'm still contemplating whether to tell her the truth or to spice up the story with a little...you know,a little convincing lie...But lying is bad so I'd just tell the truth. *Sigh*

That's it for now.I'll post a very deep and meaningful post when I want to. Hehe.

Tata! ;)

The Power of fake J-Action

So....If you know me well enough you would never even bother reading this post,cause the picture pretty much says it all.

MONROE JACKSON effing RATHBONE.Tweeted.Me.*dies*

*lives again to write*Yes.He now has a Twitter account and he is so nice to his fans.He and his band mates  are.They reply to fans likeee....no big deal.When in fact it is a big deal--a very big big deal.

Yesh.I woke up this morning and found out that he was tweeting (he still is) and that he tweeted Vicky and Louise.For a moment my brain couldn't function well.My head was clouded with jealousy.But then I told myself that those girls are my sisters,then immediately I was happy for them ^^.

In my desperation I asked him when he will tweet me and make my life complete.To my utter surprise and unfathomable joy,he replied.And yesh baby,my life is now complete.Dear G-d,I can die now...although I'd rather not. ;)

I know I promised myself that I'd go to the bank today but...I don't know anymore.I'm in a daze and that's not a good sign,right?I mean what if I faint and there's no one to save me?!!

Am I exaggerating?

Yes?

Okay.I'm going to the bank.Although I'd really rather not.

I'm going now...

Bye....

*Looks back* I'm  going....


Uhm....Aren't you going to stop me or something?

From Blood Clots to Ink Drops

Write your story as it needs to be written. Write it honestly, and tell it as best you can. I'm not sure that there are any other rules. Not ones that matter. 

-Neil Gaiman

I don't know what I should,could,would write about.I'm uninspired but I really want to blog,so you  pretty much can't do anything about it.

I've got some questions on Formspring that I did not answer because they're almost all the same: How do I manage to write everyday?Why is it that I seem to never run out of words to say?

The answer is simple:  I do run out of words to say.I do experience those lazy days when no matter how hard I try to squeeze something out of my mind,nothing would come out.I do have writer's block every once in a while,but I know how to beat it.

How?

Easy.I write about what I feel,what I think,what's on my mind.If I don't have anything to write about,I'll write about not having anything to write about.Just like now.

See?I started this entry by saying I don't know what to write about,but as soon as I did,words started pouring out.The key to writing something is being honest--just put it all down in words,no matter how bad you think it is,it will come out great if you write in all honesty.

One more thing,watch your words.I've read a nice quote of Meg Cabot saying "write about something that you would want to read",and I was like,that is so absolutely right.Just write about you.Let it focus on your feelings,your views,the way you see things.With that done,you could never go wrong.If you write about something that you would never want to read,then you're just defeating the whole purpose of writing.

This is what I love.I hope I could say this is what I do best...But I don't have that much confidence yet.All I know is that whenever I write,it feels like I'm reconnecting with a distant part of myself that I have no idea it even exists.It's like stepping in a whole new world where I could just be as real as I could ever get without feeling the need to mold myself into what they expect me to be.

Truth be told,I could go on with this forever,I'll never run out of reasons why I love writing,but this one stands out among the rest:

It sets me free.

The Optimist

She sees the world in black and white

Amidst the darkness,she knows where to find the light

She dances in the rain even when lightnings strike

Her rapture sets her as free as a kite.

*

A beam of sunlight-that's what she wears

She always have a flower tucked neatly in her hair

She stands beside the weak and the helpless

She sprinkles the air with pixie dusts of happiness.
 *

Her recalcitrant world may be covered with clouds

But at the end of the day she stands strong and proud

With stars and fireflies,she marks her own fate

In the world she lives in,you would not know of hate.

*

After every pouring rain,she goes waiting for the rainbow.

She believes that after every bad,something good will follow.

She whispers in the wind to throw away the sorrow.

Then gracefully she basks under the assurance of tomorrow.

*

She speaks to the judgmental as if they are friends

She'd help you start over when you think it is the end

She sits atop a tree,the dandelions dance

She giggles,she pirouettes,she's caught up in a trance.
*

She might be just another sunflower in disguise.

She,a beauty,weaves tales of enchanted lullabies.

But behind closed doors,after painting the skies,

The optimist weeps,she silently cries.

Ehhh here's a poem written for and inspired by Miss Sunshine, *drum roll* Caitie Uhlmann!!! Hehe This is totally random...I just saw that sunflower picture and then I remembered her and the rest is history.I like her attitude,you know,even when people are being mean she stays graceful and very collected.So that's it! ;)

Confessions Of The Normally Abnormal, Usually Unusual

Yesterday, someone asked me if I have gone bonkers. The answer,of course,was no. "This is just me being normal,actually." :D

You might be wondering what lead to the question.This is exactly why today,I am having a confession...Confessions,actually.

Confession #1: The Gummy Bears' Demise

I like killing gummy bears. And I spell it as "gummii", to be honest. It's just cruel...But it makes me happy. I set the color for the day,then kill. Yesterday it was orange. They caused my Barbie's death, so I gave them punishment.I drowned some of them in a glass of Coke and I was amused.Ha! Taught them to be nosey. ;) Before the killing spree,though,I first organized a gummii wedding. An orange gummii bear's last wish was to marry a red gummii bear,so I agreed to do the wedding.After that, I beheaded them, leaving the gummi bride a widow.

Confession #2: The Soldier And The Pixie
You might find it strange for some reason,but I do ship Jackson and Ashley more than Robert and Kristen. You don't know who they are?Shame on you. That's Twilight's Jasper and Alice. I seriously hype up everytime I see a photo of them,or read an article,which is like,always.I am totally hooked,and no,I don't need psychological help,thank you very much.

That's it for today,since I have to run to the stupid bank to pay my internet bill or else I'll be disconnected.I would never want that to happen.I would rather die.Seriously! Okay bye!

I think I might make it a habit to post some confessions here. It's quite fun. ;)

Jackson Rathbone Ate A Maggot

So Jackson ate a maggot...And when he looked at the camera and smiled, I was like, "what's my name again?". I love him to death. Ohmygollygosh. He is so HOTTT!I think I need a bottle of Coke now.I'm hyperventilating.

Weekend In New England

Rules:

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

You Alone Are God - Hillsongs United

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

The Man In Love With You - Rascal Flatts

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Swimming In Miami - Owl City

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Baby I'm A Want You - Bread (What? Haha)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

I'm You - Leona Lewis (Cool)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Here Comes Goodbye - Rascal Flatts (What the hell?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Warmth of The Sand - Dashboard Confessional

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Try - Nelly Furtado (Accurate, darn)

WHAT IS 2+2?

Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson (Doesn't make any sense at all)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

The Best Day - Taylor Swift (Wow!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

I'll Be Loving You Forever - Westlife (I swear I grinned viciously at this!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Happy - Leona Lewis (Agree!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Meteor Shower - Owl City

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Close To You - The Carpenters (Darn, this is trying to tell me something!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

A Place In This World - Taylor Swift (Can possibly be true)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Angel - Sarah Mclachlan (No way, it's a sad song...)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Fuzzy Blue Lights - Owl City (It's okay.I actually like the song.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Bust Your Windows - Glee (LMFAO)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Footprints in The Sand - Leona Lewis (This got me thinking. It's true!)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Shattered - Trading Yesterday (God! This is so accurate, how come?! I swear I am not cheating!)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

River Flows In You - Yiruma (I don't know, it's instrumental.)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Forever In Love - Kenny G.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

The Best Deceptions - Dashboard Confessional

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Feels Like Home - Edwina Hayes

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

Don't Fall In Love With A Dreamer - Kenny Rodgers

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds To Mars

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Can't Fight This Feeling - Glee (WTF?!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

You Found Me - The Fray

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

I'm Moving On - Rascal Flatts

POST THIS AS?

Weekend In New England - Barry Manilow

Fuzzy's Demise

Today, I was browsing through Andrea Kelley's old Twitter posts when a certain link she posted caught my attention.

She said it made her want to throw up, so I checked it out, curious as to why she might have said that. Andrea is a gracious girl, so I was really interested with what caused her to say that. Here is the link, check it out for yourself. Click here.

First of all,I admit that I'm not a fan of Miley Cyrus, but I like some of her songs. I mean,she's okay. I don't understand why some people hate her with passion, but I do understand why some people are obsessed with her. At one point in our lives,we would all find something we're passionate about, and some people found it in her, or maybe in her music, and I don't blame them for that.

What I don't get,though, is why this girl had to do that to her cat. Okay, she loves Miley and she wants her to come back and be active again on Twitter, but come on!! Why did she not spare the cat's life? She said she loved her cat so much, so why did she find it necessary to end the poor cat's life just because Miley didn't come back to Twitter? It just broke my heart, and as I am writing this, I can still feel some strange kind of pain inside.

I don't know this girl, and I most definitely didn't know her pet, Fuzzy. But she posted pictures of the dead cat,and described what she did-she cooked her pet,she ate it. Fickety fuckity fuck, she ate the cat. It was not enough that she had it killed (euthanasia,even though it was in perfect health condition) for a very shallow purpose,she ate it.

Let me tell you something: we raise ducks in our backyard. We used to raise chickens, too. My family is fond of eating ducks, I don't eat ducks, for reasons unknown. But I do eat chicken,but not when it was one of our raised chickens. I don't eat an animal when I've seen the way it was killed.And yet this girl, she had the guts to do that. Big f-u-c-k. I immediately understood why Andrea wanted to throw up, cause it had the same effect on me. How could she do that? That was her pet, for God's sake! It's not like our ducks or chicken which were raised in the first place for their meat.A cat is another thing. It's a domestic pet. That cat cuddled with her. That cat played with her. I bet that cat gave her comfort on her lowest days. Who, in their right mind, could have a heart to do such horrible thing to an innocent cat? It was not Fuzzy's fault that Miley deleted her Twitter account. :(

Okay, so let's say she loves Miley more than anything else, more than Fuzzy. I totally understand that, cause I could say I feel the same for Ashley, Andrea, and Caitie. So let's pretend it's okay that she killed the cat. She should have stopped there. She didn't have to cook it. She didn't have to eat it. It's like killing your own sibling or child...and then you'd eat it? You fucking ate your pet and you still had the guts to write about it?! You are horrible. Did you think Miley liked that? You used your cat's life to force her to go back to Twitter-that is called blackmail. Did you think you did that for a great cause? No, that was very shallow. You put a life in your hands, a life that was not yours,to begin with, and therefore you didn't have the right to take it. But you did take it. You killed Fuzzy.

I want to throw up, really. Why are there people like her? She could've just started a petition. She should've spared the cat. She's so selfish and immature.

Fuzzy didn't deserve such treatment. No animal deserves to lose a life for the sake of a useless cause. People should realize that. We own nothing in this world, not even our lives. We don't have any right to take matters like this in our own hands. We should just learn to accept other people's decision. I know how you must be feeling that day, Fuzzy's owner. Maybe you wanted Miley back on Twitter just as much as I wanted to force Ashley and Jackson together. Here's something I want to tell you, though. I want them to be together, but I wouldn't risk anyone's life to make it happen, nor would I even start a stupid petition. If it should happen, I want it to happen naturally, not force them into it. That's what somebody should have told you that day. You have no control over things, especially other people's choices. Please learn to respect other people's decisions. Stop being self centered. You are not the only living thing on Earth. the world does not revolve around you, and it would still continue spinning even when you're gone.

P.S.: Please take care of your new dog. I just hope none of your idols quit Twitter anymore, so that the dog could have the chance to breathe his last breath naturally.

Ashley,

I used to believe that everything happens in its own time. I thought if I was destined to be successful, one day, I will be. Thank you for making me realize that in order to gain my pot of gold, I would have to chase the rainbow. If not for you, I wouldn’t have seen so many things in a different perspective. Just ignore what the others have to say. To me, you will always be the best actress around. You will always be the brightest star in my sky. You’ve touched so many lives, including mine…and I will forever be grateful that even if I don’t get the chance to ever meet you, at least I have had the chance to know you. I’ll always look up to you, no matter what happens.

Andrea,

You are one of the best people to ever walk on earth. I can’t even possibly express how much I love and respect you for being so nice to us, even if you don’t know us personally. Your good deeds and kind words will forever be etched in my heart, no matter where I go. I just don’t understand why I have this feeling that somehow, something is bothering you…Like a constant cloud of loneliness hovers above you.. I’m not sure, but whatever it is, I hope you won’t ever end up feeling alone… Cause no matter how far away I am, I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You don’t know me personally, but you have altered my way of living. Whenever I want to complain about something, I just think of you, and then I’ll be grateful for whatever I have. Thank you, Andrea, for being a beautiful person, inside and out.

Caitie,

Before, I was always insecure and jealous of what others have and I don’t. The best lesson I’ve learned so far in life, I learned from you: To just be myself and be happy with it. I used to strive hard to be like everyone else, to make them see me differently. But you changed that. You might not know it, but because of you, I’ve learned to accept my flaws and imperfections, and I’ve even come to embrace, if not love them, cause they are the things that make me unique. I used to spend all my time wondering what might have been if things had been different, but you taught me that life goes like this: no regrets, just lessons learned. You made me believe that everything good that were gone will be replaced with better ones, and for that reason alone, I love you. Thank you for inspiring me to become the best version of myself, I’ll always owe it to you.

My life is not perfect, and it never will be. I’m not a princess, but I’m just as lucky. Everyday of my life is a struggle. Sometimes, all I want to do is to break down and cry, because I know I have the right to. But instead, I choose to live the best way I can, drawing my strength from you, and instantly, I’m alright. Thank you so much for making me see how beautiful life really is, and how blessed I am. When you feel like no one’s there, just think of this: somewhere, somehow, someone loves you, and believes in you. I do.

Jasper Prayer

Our Jasper, 
Who art in Forks, 
Hallowed be thy sparkles.
Thy comes, thy will be fast,
On Earth as it is in the baseball field.
Give you this day, our daily blood;
Forgive us our heartbeats
As we worship Maria for giving you life.
Lead us into temptation,
Deliver us to you.
For thine is the vampire,
The emotions and the hotness,
For ever and ever.

Amen!

If My Heart was a House

This song warms my heart.Everytime I hear it,I find no reason not to fall in love.It's so romantic..Tsk..

You're the sky that I fell through
And I remember the view
Whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warms over everything
Chills run down my spine
As our fingers entwine
And your sighs harmonize with mine
Unmistakably
I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me
We got older and I should've known (Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you when you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower balm perfume, all my clothes smell like you
Cause your favorite shade is navy blue
I walk slowly when I'm on my own (Do you feel alive?)
Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you when you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

If my heart was a house you'd be home


HERE