For Once,Things Are As Bright As They Seem.

Sometimes,we walk so often in the dark that we come so close to forgetting what it feels like to see the light. It's like losing hope, letting go of all the faith you've had, and just letting the waves take you to the shore.

Life, my friends,as we all know it, doesn't always happen the way we want it to. There'd be problems and struggles,we'd fall to our knees, there'd be those awful days when we'd look in the mirror, touch our hair or the lines in our faces, and say "God, I look terrible."

What I learned lately is that life will always suck for those who always think it sucks. It all depends on how you deal with it. Positive thoughts emit positive energy, in my opinion, and I've decided to take a stand and instead of trying to prevent myself from getting carried away by the waves, I started to learn to swim with the current. Go with the flow until I can touch the sand again, until the storm is calm, until I can get hold of everything again.

It makes me sad that we complain so much about the things we don't have. I'm guilty of this. But last night, I was on the bus, headed home. It was 11 in the evening, it was freezing cold, and the streets are dark. A table was laid out on the street. It was lit by a kerosene lamp. On the table was a bottle of vinegar, a basket of balot (boiled premature duck eggs, a famous Filipino street food), and chicharon, and packets of cigarettes. An old lady is manning this tabe, clad in two jackets, watching the cars pass by, probably hoping someone would buy from her some time.

That got me thinking really hard. What if that old lady was my grandmother? You might say I overreacted, but I was on the verge of tears. I was thinking of possible reasons why my grandmother might end up being a street vendor, and the only reason I could think of was myself. I know, deep down in my being that if needed be, my grandmother would do that for me. To be able to put food in my plate. To be able to throw clothes on my back. That old lady must be working for her grandchildren,too, and there I was, barely contented with the things I already have.

To some of you,it may be just like, "Oh, she's being dramatic again, blah blah blah," and I won't blame you, because we're different people. The greatest love I know is the love I have for my grandmother, and all through these years I've been taking a lot of things for granted,and not once did she complain. It's funny how the smallest things could wake us up from our deepest slumbers sometimes. I don't know what has gotten into me, but as soon as I was done thinking about the things I have, and burying all the things I don't have in the back of my mind, I felt better.

I have everything anyone could ever need. The things I don't have,those are some of the things I want,but don't really need. Life has a strange way of showing it to us, but it can be everything we want it to be, if only we'd see things diferently.

Today, I feel better than I've ever felt before. I feel lighter, happier. I've learned to accept my flaws and embrace everything I am, as well as everything I'm not. I've got what I need, what I love. This should make me smile for the rest of my life.

Happy Birthday, Mar.

I woke up for a good reason.

Today, a Princess is celebrating her birthday. Who else? My Mar! :)

Since I can't send you a card, I made you one. Well, it's most likely a letter but does that matter? Okay, so here goes.

Dear Mar,

I have only known you for a few months, but already, your name will never be erased from my heart. It's like I have a big sister instantly.

I am so thankful and your birthday is one of my favorite days in the world. No words can express how grateful I am for having you in my life. Even all the words in a dictionary combined cannot express how much you mean to me.

Thank you for being so thoughtful and sweet to me. You might not know how much I appreciate it when you ask me how I am, and you seem genuinely interested with all the things I have to say. That alone is more than enough for me to love you.

I'm sorry if sometimes I take you for granted. I'm sorry if I am being a burden these days to all of you, but thank you for being so patient in dealing with me. Your heart is made of pure gold. I feel so honored for having you in my life.

My wish for ou is that I wish you would not change no matter what happens, and may you be successful, whatever path you choose to take. Just remember that I am always here, supporting you, ready to listen and help when you need me. No matter what happens, I will always carry you with me and I will remember to smile and be good,all because of you.

Again, thank you for being as wonderful as you are. Happy birthday, God bless you. Have a wonderful day, and may all your wishes come true.

I love you Mar.

Love,

Seann <3

Every Flower Has The Right To Be Called Beautiful.

Yesterday, I made an avatar in Ameba Pico. It's a virtual world game in Facebook where you get to decorate your own place and interact with other players from all over the world.

When creating my avatar,you have like,tons of choices on how you want your Pico to look like.You get to choose the skin color,eyes,hair,make up,and so on.

I've seen my friends' avatars before.They were all pale or creamy skin with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. For a change,I chose the darkest skin tone for my avatar. I also gave her black hair and black eyes. Guess what? She looked so pretty. :')

Anyway,my point is that I still don't understand why anyone would make a girl feel like she's not beautiful. Every girl is beautiful,in one way or another. That's what I believe in, that's why when I feel like pigging out on cakes or ice cream or chocolates when I'm feeling down and my friends don't want to go with me,I hate it. I hate it that they feel like they have to deprive themselves of something they truly deserve.

Now,don't get me wrong.I also feel "fat" and "ugly" sometimes,in fact, I was on my way home yesterday and I caught a glimpse of myself on the mirror and noticed that I gained weight. I passed a gym by the road and was thinking of signing up,but then again, I stood in front of a glass wall to check myself out. My hair was all messed up and my lip gloss was smudged,giving me that slight frown and my uniform was wrinkled.It was true,my stomach was sticking out a little,and I was starting to feel depressed. I decided I would start a diet but as soon as I did, my tummy came rumbling. I realized I haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. Immediately, I went to 7 Eleven and bought doughnuts and Coke. I forgot about the diet thing.

You know,there's nothing wrong with avoiding chocolates and pastries as long as it's all for the right reasons. But if your reason is "it makes me fat", that is not reason enough. If there is one thing that can cure a broken heart, that will be those sweets that you are trying so hard to ignore. I just want to say relax. Give in. You deserve that chocolate bar or that bag of chips every once in a while.

I don't even know why people like looking so much on the outside when there's more to see on the inside. Maybe that is human nature,but you know,no matter how physically attractive you are,if you have a rotten attitude and all you do is step on other people's feet just so you could stand taller,you are nothing but an empty box wrapped in fancy paper.

I know this may sound like a cliche,but let's face it.Most cliches speak the truth. I,for one,look past all the expensive make up and porcelain skin.No matter who or what you are-a mother,grandmother, student, vendor, nurse, teacher, plain housewife, bank teller, writer, laundry woman, household helper- as long as you have a heart that cares not only for yourself,but for your fellows, you are beautiful.

Today, I woke up with this one realization. This one phrase that I have been denying myself for God knows how long...

I am beautiful, yes I am. And YOU are,too.

She,Revealed,A Statue.

I don't know where to begin.

I just think life is funny nowadays.I shift from mood to mood,day by day. Well,last week was like a hurricane.This week seems more promising,so I'm counting on it.

Yesterday,a Youth Council meeting was scheduled in our Church,but my sister and I decided not to attend since we had lots of school work to do.Luckily for us,our Chairman called and informed us that it was cancelled,perhaps because it was raining really hard.

So my day was spent wholly at home,doing my visual aid for "Statue" by Jackson Rathbone,which I would later present in class.Sadly,I fell asleep while doing it yesterday,I was so tired.So I zonked off at about 3 in te afternoon,and woke up at 6 feeling groggy...My sister was on the computer the whole time.I didn't finish anything,but I think I liked it.

The thing is,I like lazy Sunday afternoons.If it's not lazy,then I'll make it lazy by being lazy.It was raining all day yesterday,and that's what I loved,bundled up in my blanket like a cocoon,listening to the sound of the rain and some piano lullabies.It is always good to spend some time with my sister doing nothing at all,just being in the same room for hours on end,ocassionally speaking to each other,is bliss.

I've met new friends too,there's Darcy who's really funny and I enjoy talking to her a lot.I stay up until the wee hours just role playing Alice on Chatroll,and if ou only know what I'm dong there...Haha! It's really fun,but I don't think I can get on there as much as I have these past few days.

I just feel contented today.No silly fights in the house,no shouting..There are still those ocassional cold shoulder treatments but I can't complain.So far this is better than the last few days,so maybe I should even be thankful.When I feel so down I just remind myself that there are so many kids out there who don't have families,and I have one,so I'm lucky.That keeps me going.

Anyhooo...A friend right now is feeling really down and stuff,I wish I could help her. :-/ The world is crazy and harsh,and she better learn that early,I think..That not all we want,we get. Perhaps a lesson is waiting for her in the end.Right now,I must help her hold on to the last shred of hope left in her.I'll be more than guilty if I just watch her give up,you know?

STATUE

She dances in the forest shade
in freckles of the sun
slight winds breach the trees’ blockade
and the shade succumbs

A sudden burst of brilliant light
the forest comes alive
illuminating scattered paths
where forest creatures hide

She, revealed, a statue
bleaching in the sun
her skin of stone
a marble tone
her dress a mess
of vines and nests
a kind distress
her mouth
smiles
yes

no
rest
for a statue
no less
for the trees
leaves dancing
in season
and reason deceived
as she seems to be
dancing, dancing for me

what shadows might allow at night!
when branches dip and sway
the disco moon, a trick of light
she sways on nature’s stage

her holly golightly gave her the reds,
my james dean savior will see me dead

bowing to the inscription a questioning sigh
could something less than rain make a statue cry?

-j.action

That's the poem I was talking about.Isn't it beautiful?

Some of the words Jackson used give a hint that he wrote this poem with his Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) in mind. Just read between the lines.Anyway,even if he didn't,that doesn't change tha fact that it is beautiful.

Where Is Your Faith?

Give up something for Christ's sake...

Today,I went to our Sunday Worship Service to hear our Pastor preach.I really need a bible,since my bilingual bible is somewhere out there,I don't know where.I can't find it.Anyway,the bible scripture that we read today was Luke 8:23-25, where it said....

As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.

The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.

"Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

I just thought it was a very good topic,our Pastor asked us to go to the next level of faith,but it's not that easy.Why?

Because we worry too much about the most mundane things when in reality,they shouldn't really matter all that much to us.Today,I have realized that in order to take the higher step in the ladder of faith,I have to give up something for God,so that I can lift myself up and reach Him.

What do I have to give up for Him?

My burdens.The things that trouble me.The dark thoughts in the back of my mind.I have to give them up and let Him work on my life,because He is planing something good for me.I just have to be faithful enough and trust Him,cause only He knows what's best.Think about this...

A woman was boarding the bus.She had loads of stuff hanging by her arms,while her baby was clinging to her chest.She had a shoulder bag,and she could barely walk because she had too many things.A man helped her board the bus.


As soon as she got on the bus,the man told her to sit comfortably and let go of her bags and baskets,but she wouldn't.


"I can't just let go of this," she said, "I'll be fine.Someone might steal them away."


She held on to her belongings and her baby the whole time,thus making the journey very uncomfortable for her.

See,if the woman had faith enough that God wouldn't let anything bad happen to her,she could have had a comfortable journey,but instead,she clung to her bags for dear life.

That's what we usually do. We cannot let go of the things that hurt us,of the things that bother us,that's why we are trapped in the past and never moving forward.I'm not talking about burden itself,I'm talking about all kinds of burden.You see,it comes in many forms.

It can be a best friend that influences you in the wrong way.It can be your problems or vices,or the hatred you feel towards someone.These things are hard to let go of and just forget about,but in order to grow spiritually,we have to.Because these things put up a barrier between who we are now and who we could become-a better and happier person.

Today,I could say I am in a boat in the middle of that ocean,and there are storms and winds,but I am unafraid,because God is with me,and I have faith in Him.No matter what happens,I leave it all up to Him,and I know He shall make me better...

I hope that somehow,I've inspired someone,anyone,with this post.Let go of whatever burdens you,yes,YOU.God has an awesome plan for you.Upgrade your faith,and He shall bless you with everything and more.

I'm leaving you with my current favorite piece from the Bible.I first read this one during our CBA Youth Camp last May 3-6,and I fell in love with it.I think it suits this topic,too.


Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house

because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying. As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him.

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her.

She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."

But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.

Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

~Luke 8:41-48

Faith.It transforms everything...

I Don't Know How It Gets Better Than This ;)

Heeeey, good evening.

Rain is pelting the roofs right now,and I could not ask for more.Sitting in the dark even though lights are available, sipping Coke in a Raspberry Juice bottle so no one would be suspicious that I am drinking Coke even though I really am drinking Coke,and just...writing about my feelings. It's the best.

I'm talking to my friends on the internet. Until now,I still cannot believe that I have made friends through technology.I mean,I was never the type who just went around saying hi and felt comfortable about it.I was never comfortable with people,that's why I used to wonder why I took up HRM,when it is all about meeting and greeting and serving different kinds of people every single day.

Anyway,I have changed a lot since February.I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without smiling while studying my face.Look at you,you still look the same,but you are an entirely different person.I aspired to be a better version of myself,and I'd like to think that I have,in a way,achieved it.

I don't know how I can thank these people for coming into  my life,you know? They've always been here through ups and downs,even when I am moody and pissy. Looking back,I cannot imagine how I managed to live before I met them.It seems to me now like I have always known this life,but in reality,it has only been five months or so.It feels like forever.

Right now,in my life,I could not ask for more.I mean,sure,I do not have everything,but I do have anything I could ever ask for.As long as life goes on like this,with the people who mean the world to me,I promise I'd get by.I am just so happy right now,and there's no particular reason why.

I guess I have just realized that I have to take the good with the bad.Problems are always blessings in disguise. I really really really love life...

Hope

A gift.

A curse.

I didn’t know what I have.

The way.

The course.

The face of the man I love.

I traveled.

I lived.

I longed to meet him.

My past.

My humanity.

I searched,but it was dim.

I ran.

I fought.

I was alone and lonely.

I waited.

And waited.

I waited until he found me.

A monster.

A killer.

I was  the fear of many.

A puppet.

A fool.

I thought love has found me.

I ran away.

Far away.

Until fate intervened.

I was lost,he found me.

I was dying,she saved me.

She held out her hand.

He took it without stopping.

For the first time in years,

The puzzle was complete.

And we felt hope.

Hi,This Is Not An E-Mail :D

YASMINA BERKEMEIJER

And time stands still beneath the air of waiting hours
To touch, just to feel a love that seems to overpower me
She's all I'll ever need
And you know her love just hypnotizes me
'Til All I see is beautiful

At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven
My Life, it seems so lonely here without your presence
You could change my everyday
And I could never think of love without your name
As you remain---

Beautiful--- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful--- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful--- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful--- making everything brand new
Beautiful you

And all this time you're changing me to something better
A love so high that everyday that we're together
I will leave the world below
Until your heart becomes the only thing I know

Yas,

The biggest and dorkiest grins break out of my face when i log on to MSN and see that I have an e-mail from you. Seriously, you don't know how happy you are making me.

You,just like the song I posted above,are beautiful. No other word could describe you. Beautiful doesn't even give you justice.

I know that you don't believe it,just like I don't believe it when people tell me that I am beautiful. See? We are always standing on the same ground,sailing on the same boat.Sometimes, I just want to call my Mom and ask if I ever happen to have a long lost twin or something.

You know what makes me smile in spite of all the wrong things in the world? The thought that if you are ugly,I am ugly too,and we'll be ugly together. Remember that? When we decided that how you see yourself is how you see me,and vice versa? Ever since then,I started looking in the mirror saying "hey beautiful" cause all I see is you.

Believe me,Yas. You are one of the prettiest girls I know,physically. Anyone who doesn't see that is just plain blind. Your heart shines too.It stands out from the rest of the world.I can see it even from here.

You're one of the few I trust right now,and talking to you always feels like summer breeze...easy, peaceful, calm, natural. With you, I cannot hide behind a fake smile, because you can always tell when something's wrong. You're the only one who asks "Are you okay?" and actually presses me to tell you what is bothering me.

I love you,and I don't think I can live without you. I mean I can,but I would never wish to. You're all I need,you know? A best friend, a mentor, an adviser, a sister... The list could go on forever.

Words would never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me.Just typing it all down makes my heart brim all the more with love and respect for you.I look up to you,really.

I want the rest of the world to acknowledge how great a person you are,but sometimes, I become selfish and I don't want them to find out how amazingly awesome you are cause they might steal you away from me. XD

Through hell and back,I'll follow you if I have to.That's what best friends do, but really..I'll do everything for you.

I LOVE YOU Lemonade XD

You're the bestestestest friend in the whole wide world.

~Seann

The Coolest Gang In the World

Mainia, Ate Pat, Ate Li, Mar, and Ketty...

You guys are awesome,and if I have one favorite part of my life right now,you guys would definitely be included.

We haven't known each other for so long,but I feel perfectly at home with you. You gave me a place to belong to.A place where I can just be me and still be accepted and loved for it.

We all know we're going through a lot right now,and sometimes it feels like the best option is to just let go and forget,but we never gave up,and we never will.

It hurts,what is happening right now, but it will all pass,and in the end,it's still us,holding on to each other like our lives depended on it.

I love you guys so much.If not for you,I wouldn't learn to be strong and deal with the pain that love brings. At the end of the day, what matters is not Greenebone.

What matters is the Greenebone Gang, and I will definitely take a bullet for you. Again,I could never say it enough,but thank you,and from the bottom of my heart, I love you, guys.

All for one,one for all. <3

She Won't Stop Telephoning Me :)

SOFIA ALVAREZ

Sofia...... You're in my blog! ;P

First of all,thank you for always cheering me up when I'm down.you did that again earlier this evening.

I just want you to know,Sofia, that I appreciate and love you,and I think you are cool and awesome (there,I said it.hehe). It surprises me that we have so many things in common, but what can I say?You have good taste. :)

Also,when I see your photo or name, they give me a feeling that you are very responsible and rational when it comes to things. That's where we differ.Whereas I am stubborn, you are chill and relaxed, enjoying every moment. Whereas I panic, you help me understand how things work their way.

Thank you,Sofia, for being such a sweet heart. Maybe you do not have any idea of how much I value you and how nice it feels when I am talking to you,but I really do appreciate you.

Rihanna is so lucky to have a fan as amazing as you are,Sofia.

I love you,not with all my heart. I love you with all of me. :)

My SITSters!

VICTORIA JAYNE TELLING

Hehe,ain't I cool?Sitsters! Hahaha XD

Vicky,who is turning 17 on the 27th, I love you.

For spending 4-5 hours sat on your bedroom floor just reading She Is The Sunlight, you stole my heart away.

For spending the next two hours talking to me through Fanfiction private messages, you painted a smile on my face.

You. Are. Exceptional.

I simply adore you.If that is not obvious enough,sharpen your nails and dig my heart out of my chest.You'll see, in between the plasters and breaks,your name is written all over it.

I know you're going through a lot right now,Vicky.You have us in front of you.Not behind, girl, take note of that. I'd rather hurt before you.I wish I could take all your sorrows away,you know? I want to be the one who saves you.

Vicky,I love you.We both know that.Heck, everybody knows that. And whatever it is that comes into your life,you have my support in everything. Do not be afraid to get hurt sometimes. Do not be afraid of love,for that's what ties us together. I know you'll make it through everything.I just know.

The day I met you is one of the best days of my life. The day we became three IS the best day ever. Like what I always say, Vick,I could possibly meet a thousand other people, but like a star that glows in the dark,you will always have a special place in my sky.

I LOVE YOU.

~Seann

LOUISE MURPHY

Laaaaal.

It's been five months,Lal! Can you believe it?

Sometimes,I go thinking about how my life could have been if I didn't sign up for an account in Fanfiction. Now I realize,it was fate.

It was fate that we met and have each other to run to when the rest of the world walks out.

It was fate that we beat the odds.

It was fate that we be good where one is bad, be happy where one is sad. Just like fire and ice, we balance each other.

I could never thank you enough for coming into my life,Louise.You don't know what hell I was in before you.I was a zombie. A snob zombie. A snob zombie that couldn't care less about others. And loves Jackson Rathbone.

There are things that are hard to explain.Our age gap could not form a bridge between the differences in our opinions,but somehow,we work it out.

I hate the things and people that hurt you,Louise,you should know that. If only I could put my foot down and let them see how much you mean to me,they will know.They will never harm you.

It upsets me when the world acts cruel towards you.Someone as beautiful as you are doesn't deserve such harsh treatment,just bear that in your mind.And if you need a back up,call me.

I could never afford to lose you both in my life.

Because we were never really complete until we found each other.

Just like Jasper and Alice.

<3

Ashleyholics Anonymous: We Love Choco Drinks!

RANI NUGROS

My queen..I have a confession to make.I have a crush on your brother. :D

Rani, you have made an impact in my life. A bad impact,to be exact. Mehehe!

I don't know what to say.Can I start by saying I love you? Well then...I love you.

I love you and the passion we share for Ashley Greene.Seriously,Rani,if I could find away to be with her,I will send you there instead of myself.I think you,more than anyone else,deserves that.

And even when you are always teasing me,I know that's just your way of showing that you love me. Bleh. Bleh. I love you too,Rani.More than you could ever imagine. I love you and the way I sing Rani to the tune of Beat It. And most importantly,I love you for being you.

My first tweet to you was "we love the same girl", now,when I think about it,I laugh at myself cause I sounded like an idiot,which I probably was,anyway.I was just surprised to see so many Ashley fans back then,because before that,I was by myself.

I know all of your dreams will come true if you work hard enough to achieve them.I have complete and unmovable (is that even a word?) faith in you,Rani. I know one day,you will make us proud.

I LOVE YOU,never ever change.

~SEANN <3

LESLIE KORALEWSKI

Mi bonita... I miss you so terribly. :(

Leslie...I don't know how we got this close.All I know is that you are now listed on my Facebook as a sister,and damn if it did not make me happy. To me,it's more than Facebook.We may not have the same blood running through our veins, but in my heart,you are,and will always be,my sister.

Sometimes yo call me Mom cause I act like one.Truth is,I am overprotective of you because I worry about you.It's the least I can do to show you that you are loved and cared for,and that you have a true friend in me even if I am miles away from you.

You are beautiful,remember that,okay?And if something upsets you,I am just here.You can tell me all about it and we will find a way to fix what is broken.

I love you,and you are worth everything to me,my little sister.

I Love Love Love You!

KATIE D' ALESSANDRO

O_o WHO IS THIS PRETTY GIRL ON MY BLOG!!!

Wow Katie,yes,I creeped on your Facebook page.I told you already,I love you in a creepy way.

Haha kidding!But really! Why are you this pretty! This is so unfair!

Okay,I'll talk now.

Katie.... The tweet you sent me tonight is just one of the things that will always make me smile. Thank you for that,and for always believing in me and my non-existent abilities. ;) You are one of the first few friends I have made over the internet,and you are one of the most entertaining among them. I can still remember when it was 2 pm here and it was 2 AM there, and we were planning on how we would nab Jackson Rathbone, cause we are so cool like that.

Our random conversations will always stay in my mind, and like a photo in someone's wallet,I will pull them out when I want to smile.You are definitely a beautiful girl, inside and out, and you deserve to be happy.

I miss talking to you,you know? I can't forget how funny it is when we talk about the most random things, and your reviews always make me smile.ALWAYS, Katie, every single one, because it is obvious that you put effort into them.Not only effort, emotions too.

I think I'll end it here or you'll start being creeped out.Hahaha. I love you,don't forget that beautiful! <3

~Seann

The Sickest Chick You've Never Met?

MONICA SIEGEL

I first met Monica through Formspring.She seemed to be interested in my tweets,so we started following each other on Twitter. I will never forget the kindness she has shown me almost everyday. In fact,I don't know where to start now.

Of all the people I have met on the internet,I guess I could say Monica is one of the most mature and understanding. She never forgets to tell me how much she appreciates and values me, and I can't help but tear up a little every time.I could never get used to her praises,her kind words.She always makes me feel good about myself.

Anyway,Monica was one of those campers who attended the Eclipse premiere.She met Caitie Uhlmann there (girl crush alert!!!) and asked her for an autograph....And now she's planning to send it to me,together with American candies.

I don't know what to say,Monica. You barely know me,and yet you have shown me the most incredible love I have known in my life.I still say you do not have to send it,because it really would cost a lot.As they say,it's the thought that counts.

My point though is not the candy nor the signature.It's your ability to give so much love to an almost stranger like me.When I first found out about this,I was freaking out because I couldn't believe someone so far thought about me in the Eclipse premiere.Of all the people in the world,you chose to give me something so precious,and I don't even know what I did to ever deserve such love.

Monica,you are a blessing to me.I will never ever forget you.From that day you wrote on my Formspring,I have started loving you,and you will always be loved for as long as I am breathing.How did you know that I needed someone exactly like you?You made me believe that love really isn't defined by distance.Thank you for being beautiful,thank you for having a really beautiful heart.

I love you.

Never Lose Focus!

Woooh!!! I traveled 4 hours to Manila to see Eclipse with Mainia today and it was the best day ever! Ever! EVER!!!

I still got the Eclipse fever,can you tell?Well,it was so fucking good,I had to curse about it even though I am not really a big fan of profanity. I think I'll see it again tomorrow. No,I'm sure I will see it again tomorrow!

So this post is all about the movie.I perfectly understand that some of you guys haven't seen the movie yet and you might not like spoilers, so I'm putting my review and fangirling squees after the cut. Click the line if you want! But don't blame me if it ruins or strengthens your excitement!
Okay, so we spent more than an hour in line to buy tickets cause there was a HUGE number of people swarming for them. It was early; we started at 11 in the morning. By the time we got our tickets, it was 12:30 in the afternoon. The movie began at 2:30, and we were seated on the second row.We were practically looking up to the screen but we had no choice beacuse the theater was packed,and those were the only seats available.

Let me tell you though, it was WORTH it. More than that, to be honest. It was very rewarding cause for two movies' worth I have been disappointed that Melissa Rosenberg didn't seem to care enough about the characters apart from Edward and Bella (cough Alice and Jasper cough) . First, in Twilight, she didn't write about Alice's backstory, nor did she include them in the Prom scene. I mean come on, perhaps it was not Melissa's fault; perhaps it was the production staff's or whatever---but seriously?Like,they could have at least shown rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper going to prom.

In New Moon, my favorite scene was the airport scen where the depth of Jasper and ALice's relationship was defined. Well, sadly, it's all in the book,but NOT in the movie. I was so disappointed,like, Jasper only got a line or two! It was....sad.

Now! I didn't expect anything to avoid getting to disappointed once the movie came out like the other two, but frankly--I knew there must be some reason why Eclipse is my favorite book (and now,movie) from the Saga.Among the three,it was the best.And maybe I am being biased,but I don't think Breaking Dawn can surpass this--the book's plot is just too overwhelming-in a bad way-unless they include more of Alice and Jasper.

Now,on with the review which is like 8275265% squee and 7338765% fangirling and swooning over Jacksper!

AGAIN, SPOILER ALERT! Click on the line at your own risk

You Always Make Me Believe That There's Nothing In This World I Can't Be

Earlier tonight,before I left for work, I posted a photo of myself in Twitter, saying "I'm fat :(" because I was really feeling fat. Of course, my friends disagreed...Guess who else disagreed?

Yes, Caitie Uhlmann. One of the few women I really look up to. I'm still dumbfounded.

"Don't ever say you are fat...you are beautiful, never forget that or let anyone tell you anything different."

That's what she sent me through a DM,and I was like O_o. I swear it took me some time to actually collect myself together and compose a reply.

You know,I felt really great when my friends told me that I actually am beautiful. Well,to be honest,I really don't believe them that much. My best bud even said once that I was the only person he knows who hates compliments. Truth is,I love them.Who doesn't, right? It's just that...I don't know,I'm not used to being complimented,that's why I feel awkward when I receive one,because I don't know how to react,and I am not sure if I really deserve it.

But tonight,I feel really beautiful. Not physically,okay? But there's something that changed inside me.It's like there's a glowing ball of light in my heart that makes me feel giddy. It's like a million fireflies are flickering their lights, it's like a ballerina is dancing within me.It's so hard to explain...It's just that...It's like her words cut right through my flesh (in a good way, of course) and I started bleeding rainbows. My gloomy mood earlier has been cast off, and finally,I'm a free leaf,feeling as light as the wind.

I don't know what's wrong with me,but when it's Caitie or Andrea or any one of their friends that tells me that I am beautiful or sweet, I can't help but believe them,and I get inspired every single time to do all I can to become to others what they are to me--an inspiration.A drive to make the most of myself,not only for myself,but also for the people around me.

I wish Caitie and Andrea know how much their words could affect me.My world is like a special recipe,and their words of encouragement are the secret ingredients. With them, life tastes better,rare,precious. If only I could actually make them see how much they really mean to me, how just the knowledge of their existence on the other side of the world is enough to comfort me and lull me to the sweetest slumber.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have come to know them in my life.All I know is that I aspire to be someone as thoughtful,as precious,and as inspiring. I wish they have even just the slightest idea of how grateful I am to them. The world has some precious treasures in California.

I'm Creative.

Yay. My room is squeaky clean. Hahaha.

That's hot it looked before I decided to clean it up. Err, I'm sorry, but someone said the most creative people have the messiest room. So there ya' go. I'm creative. :P

See? I could actually clean!!! yay!!! Party!!! hahaha ... I've nothing left to say. I also don't know what Tweety was doing in my bedsheet. I mean... I'm team Hello Kitty. D: MY aunt bought that for me so don't blame me.

Kay. I'll leave you with some of my favorite movies.

Today, I'm Thankful For Everything

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive,and go do it. Because what the worlds needs is people who have come alive.

-Howard Thurman

Today,I'm thankful for everything. Yes, everything. Family,friends,the people who care. I am thankful for all the good and bad, the smiles and tears, the introductions and goodbye. I am thankful for life in general.

Some of the people closest to me made me a blog. I would not cite the blog here, it's not something I would like to ponder on. I haven't read anything posted on it yet. I don't think I would,either. Not because I don't want to. Believe me, I love you all guys who took the time to send me your best regards and messages,but it's not something that I am comfortable with.

Someone told me about some of the things written there. From the sound of it,I think it's rather emotional and depressing at the same time,I don't think I can handle that.I mean yeah,I know I've done those things,but I guess those people who said that just made a big deal out of my actions. First of all, I am not as good as they made me seem,okay? I make mistakes all the time,honestly,I do.And those 'good' deeds I've done? I didn't do all those to gain respect or fandom, nor did I ever dream of any citation. I did all those to satisfy myself. The hunger that lies within me. If you know what I am talking about,then thanks. I did not want to be branded as some kind of a hero who saves the day.It's just that,I know what it feels like to be alone and helpless,and I'm doing what I can to prevent other people from suffering (as much as possible) because truth is,when I'm down,I want someone to do the same for me. And doing that for others--well,it feels really good.

Okay,enough of that. I'm now going to tell you why I am thankful for everything.

First, because I have an amazing bunch of family and friends who don't get tired of trying to get along with me,even when my mood is rough and tangled to shreds.I really am a lucky girl,you know. My family does everything they can to be able to meet my needs. My friends..well,not all of them are always there but I always have someone to lean on to when times get hard.

Sure,I often have troubles and sacrifices to make,but I don't have the right to complain,because after everything is said and done,it's still a fairly beautiful life I have.I have a home to return to when it starts raining.I have food on my plate. I go to school. I am blessed.

You know how everyone keeps complaining about why a certain person looks better than them or is smarter or richer? It's all in the mind. If you open your eyes every morning and start your day with a smile, face the reflection on the mirror and tell her that she is beautiful,then you are beautiful. We are all only as beautiful as we think we are,remember that.now,if you yourself believe that you are not beautiful,then so will everyone.Sometimes,you have to assert yourself to be able to make people see who you really are. You have to stand in the middle and shout "this is me",and eventually,they will believe that that is really you,and you will gain what you deserve.

Love yourself. You are given everything to make use of it,don't waste your chance. You are a human being,just like everyone else in this world is.No matter what race,religion,complexion you are,no matter what language you speak,no matter who you hang out with,no matter what they say,no matter the circumstances. Even if you are sick,less abled,or financially unstable, even if you make strange choices. You are a child of the universe, and you belong here,together with all the others. You have the right to everything here, as much as all the people do. You are given something special,you just have to find it,then make the most of it, and you'll be good.

Tangled Faith,Twisted Fate

I need a hug just about now. What I'm feeling now is what I am supposed to feel when someone says goodbye and I know for sure that they are not coming back, no matter what.

I should be asking questions. I should be asking why, just when we all think we have someone for good, they'd shut the door right behind them, and leave you crying in the middle of the night.

Pain is tricky. It used to make me feel like I'm the most unfortunate person on Earth. Now, I've got it all. So after crying it all out, I'm smiling again, trying to convince myself that tomorrow, I'll be fine, although I know a lot better than to believe my own lies.

Of course,it hurts. It's all so sudden that for a moment,I went on rubbing my eyes, pinching myself, convinced that it was all a bad dream, but I was awake. I was in reality, and how I detest reality.

Love is just a cycle. I've taught myself how to move on long before all of this even began,that's why I'm not at all bad now.It's okay, because I understand that maybe it was the right love at the wrong time,or maybe we were just trying too hard.I knew all along that this was too good to be true,much like you were to me.Someone like you exists only in my dreams, and maybe, I was asleep the whole time, and now I have to wake up.

Or maybe it was just me being tired of this redundant cycle of love. You know, happy,sad, happy,sad, hello, goodbye. It always boils down to goodbye, because people always make me choose between love or friendship. If you were smart enough,you would have known that I would never want to choose. You would have known that nothing tops family and friends,even if I have already fallen for you. If you were smart enough,you would have known better than to unclip my wings,because suffocation and possibility of pain always make me take the nearest exit out.

But I love you...Do you know that? Do you even care? I love you, and I will always do... But I am tired...Don't believe them when they say true love doesn't get tired. Even machines need to take breaks every once in a while,what more an ordinary human heart that bleeds everytime a wrong word is said?

I don't know what happens next. Maybe I'll have to paint on that smile and as per usual,make myself believe that there is nothing missing..

• I was about to sleep,but being the obsessed fan that I am, I creeped into Andrea Kelley's Twitter first, only because I love her so much. Then, as I was browsing through her tweets, I saw her video which made me want to blog.

First of all, let me say thank you, Andrea, if ever you're reading this. These past few days, I have been feeling lonely and unloved, and it once came across my mind that maybe if I had been born pretty enough, taller, smarter... I thought maybe more people would love me.

You know what,though? I incidentally faced a medical crisis. I haven't been able to go on Twitter for days (do I have to get a life?), and when I went on it again, I saw that there are so many people who love me for who I am, not for what I can give or who I should be. And then I saw your video.

What I'm trying to say is that you are right.I don't know,but I want to ask, do you even know how much help you are giving to girls like me,just by saying those words? I bet you know that every single day, teens commit suicide and hurt theirselves because they think they are not good enough,but truth is, everyone is beautiful,we just have to tell ourselves that we are,and then it would show.

I didn't even know it was possible,until today,to love you more and more each passing day.You are so incredible,really.You give me reasons to believe that life truly is beautiful,just like you.In your video,you said I am the most beautiful person I would ever know.I beg to differ,but I think YOU are the most beautiful person ever,for making us all see that real beauty can never be seen with the eye.

ANATOMY OF ANDREA KELLEY

Eyes that can see the very best in people.

Ears that listen to our problems and worries without judgment,with the intention of providing comfort and reassurance afterwards.

Lips that always speak the truth and can offer us an intellectually stimulating conversation whenever we need one.

Arms that can wrap her loved ones in a warm,big hug at the end of a really bad day.

Feet that can walk with all of us towards our dreams without forgetting her own.

A heart that's compassionate and caring,not only towards her family and friends,but towards other people (and even animals) as well.

That makes you the most beautiful person alive, Andrea. ;)

P.S.: I really love your hair. Did you style it, or was that naturally "just got up from bed" looking?

Anyway, this ends here. I absolutely definitely truly madly deeply love you. Not as gay as it sounds.

The world needs more Andrea Kelley. <3 <3