Holding On To His Words...

I attended a Youth Camp this May 3rd-6th, held in Holy Joy Church, Carranglan, Nueva Ecija.

If I am honest, I would say,at first I was so eager to get out of that camp,because it was so boring. The moment I saw the schedule,I asked myself, "What have I gotten myself into?".

Unlike any other camp,it was rather strange,initially. They shouted their prayers and everybody started getting hysterical when they speak in tongue. I will admit it: I was scared. All I could ever think of was how time dragged slowly by,as I watched the clock's hand tick away. I was lonely.

If you would read my journal entries earlier on the camp,all I wrote about was how I wanted to be home right at that moment. And then we started having Group Bible Studies or GBS sessions. That was how it all started.

You see,I am not an atheist,but I was never a firm believer.All I knew was that God loves me,and I always thought that was enough for my soul to be saved. But through our GBS sessions and with the help of my GBS Leader and Subleader [Rea and Joseph], I have learned that it was not enough.It was never enough that I knew that He loves me.

Oftentimes at night,I would lie awake on my bed and feel empty. I would cry without reason, and even though people envy me for leading an almost perfect life,i have always known that something was missing. I never thought I would find that missing piece in this Youth Camp.

I have learned that to be saved, I must believe in God's every word,and never doubt Him, because only He knows what's true and what's righteous.I used to be a senorita. I used to be bossy and moody. I used to commit mistakes carelessly,knowing that if I ask for His forgiveness,He would forgive me. CBA Youth Camp helped me understand that He is hurting too,everytime I betray Him.Of course I already knew that,but frankly,I didn't care.Now,I do.

CBA Youth Camp taught me that nothing is impossible with Him. Before,I would mumble to Him what I was asking for,and then let the demons whisper in my mind that He would never hear me.Earlier this day,I was cynical. Miss Anna wanted to help us receive the Holy Spirit and the gift of speaking in tongue,but I never believed I would actually receive them.

We started to pray,and again,I mumbled Filipino words silently.because I did not want anyone to hear me. I thought it was embarrassing, but Miss Anna came behind me and said, "You already received it." I looked at her and she asked, "Do you believe?"

I said yes,and started speaking in tongue.

Tears spilled from my eyes as I continued praying,using strange sounds no one understood but my spirit.Even I did not know what I was saying,what I was praying for.Suddenly, I believed. It was my spirit---the Holy Spirit that dwells upon me,and God---who were talking at that moment.

Now I'm back home,and I could not believe how my life was altered in 4 days.I could not believe that I actually miss being in the camp--the people roaming around,the Koreans having fun in the river, the times Pastor or Kuya Yoyoy would come knocking on our door,asking us to hurry up for the Worship Services,and falling in line for food,taking a bath, washing the dishes and brushing our teeth. It was so much fun and I feel light and happy. It was one refreshing experience.

As we said our goodbye to out new friends, we shook hands and they said "it was nice meeting you", I answered with "see you next year", for surely.I'd be more than happy to join again next year.

In my journal,for so many times,I wrote "All I want to be is home". Now I realized...Wherever I am,as long as I'm with God, I'm home.