Midnight Melancholy

I just feel like pouring my heart out to anyone who would listen.

I miss the past and all the people who were a part of it. I miss the people who claimed to care about me, when deep down, I knew as well as them, that they didn’t. I miss the way things used to be. I didn’t want to believe it, not like how I do now, I’ve finally realized…people always leave.

It's so easy to say that life goes too fast to ever notice what have changed and what remained the same,but when I look back  a year from now,it's clear that in the course of a month or twelve,I have been forced to grow and face life for once,maybe twice.It's just so weird that I feel so young and reckless,I want to experiment on things,but I am too afraid to try.

I've been trying so hard to blend in with the world,but I feel like I keep being shoved out of the picture,and maybe it's better to just drag myself away before anything or anyone can hurt me...But how would I learn about life if I keep on running away from it?

I try to talk to the people I really miss the most,but I don't know what to say...Or more accurately,I don't know if they want me to say anything,so I don't.But living deep inside me are the words waiting for me to bring them to life.Like how much I miss you.Like how much I wish we could stay the same.Like how painful it is for me to look back on our old happy days,knowing that's what they will always be--memories.

It still pains me to see that the people I cannot possibly live without,can live without me,you know? Sometimes,it even feels like they are doing things on purpose...Like showing me that they can go on even without me,and times like that,the idea of just disappearing altogether sounds so delicious that it's all I could do to stop myself from snapping my finger and vanishing right away.It's just so weird that yesterday you had them to yourself,and then the next thing you knew,they were five steps ahead,and you were left behind.On your own.

I wish I was never born this way,vulnerable and sensitive,and over passionate.I love too much,and that's the problem.I have a hard time of letting go of all the things and people that I know I would eventually lose.If I could sum up what I have learned so far about life in three words,it would be very simple.

Life goes on...