I Need To Feel You.

Take me back...Take me back in your arms...

The only way I could hear your voice these days is when you're on the phone, telling me how hard your job is...You once told me that you noticed how tired I was,how tired I sounded...You didn't know the reason behind my silence.

I wanted to tell you that my classmate used to say that one day we would fly.She made us fall in line back in second grade and pressed our foreheads until they were bloody red,because supposedly, that was the only way we could fly. That night, I stayed awake, waiting for my body to start floating magically on air. I could not wait to fly. I could not wait to fly to you...

I wanted to tell you that I started liking a guy when I was in sixth grade. He had beautiful skin, and I hated my best friend because she liked him too, and unlike me,she was not discreet about it. I wanted to tell you that my teachers told everyone that they were pretty...Everyone except me, because I was boyish and unruly. Because nobody was there to say I should have grown my hair, I should have tied it up so that it would not cover my face.

I wanted to tell you how happy I was when my crush covered my eyes with his hands when I was thirteen.When I was fourteen, I thought I was in love. I rushed into things and got my heart broken for the first time. I wished you were there for me while I cried silently inside the bathroom, because I wanted no one to hear me. The pain was rippling, and I got over it, but every night, I wished you were there... I wished you were here...

I wanted to tell you how much I have grown. How I wanted you to be in the picture as I clicked the camera shutter on my sister's graduation. I wanted you to be with me when I enrolled for College. I wanted to tell you how I loved my College course, but you didn't like it. I wanted to prove to you that I was right...

Now, I'm nineteen. When you were my age, you had me. I want to tell you about my friends who call their Moms bitches just because the women won't let them use the computer, or go out with friends. I want to tell you how selfish I think they are for taking their Moms for granted. I want you to know how proud I am of myself because not once do I think of you the way they think about their Moms. I could tell you a lot right now... I could tell you how much pain I am feeling because of you, because you left, because I lost you, and never found you again. I want to tell you, Hey Mom...It's me. Hey Mom, what's for breakfast? Hey Mom, these are my friends. Hey Mom, can I have some spare cash? Hey Mom, let's bake a cake. Hey Mom, is everything alright? Hey Mom, I love you every fucking second of my life. Hey Mom, it hurts. Hey Mom... Did my heart break enough this time? Did it break enough...?

Mom,every time I remember you...I remember you yelling at me...Because that's all the memory I have.Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night from dreaming about the very first time you went away. It's like I am there all over again, red rimmed eyes, tear soaked shirt... I did not beg you to stay, but you did not see my lips quiver when I mumbled goodbye.

Mom, I wish I never said goodbye... Maybe if I didn't,you would have came back...