Originality Is So Overrated...

I don't know where to start. Sometimes,the truth is always the hardest to say. The truth is always the hardest to show.The truth is always the hardest to handle.The truth is always the hardest to know.

If you would time travel to my life a year ago and find me,you would probablt get snickered and bickered at. I was a spoiled bratt. I never talk to anyone unless I was spoken to. I never cared about others,so long as I got what I wanted,I could never be happier.

Things change,and people do to. I changed. A lot. For the better,I hope.

Now,I like to think I am a better person than the girl I used to be. Still,I cannot look straight in the mirror without despising myself. Everybody thinks I am good. Some even say I am pretty--I'm uncomfortable with things like this.I'm uncomfortable with compliments. They make me fret and feel like I'm bound to disappoint people.

Some girls look up to me like I'm some kind of a hero or something. Again,this makes me uncomfortable. The way they show their love for me is just so touching and rewarding,but sometimes,I feel like I can't accept it. I feel like I don't deserve that much love, because I have yet to prove to myself that I am as good as they expect me to be.

And then there are those people who only befriend me to use me. I know lots of them from school... They would be so nice to me just so the people who are nice to me would be nice to them too. Recently, there is this someone copying my style. Trying hard to be like me... And that upsets me every time. Not because I'm scared she'd be better than me--I've thought about that for a moment and that's simply not the reason I'm dismayed. I'm dismayed because all this time I really considered her one of my friends... I've been mentally giving chances to see if she will change...

But she doesn't. In fact,it grows worse with time. She copied my style, and now,she also says whatever I say. It's worrying me because it seems like she doesn't really care about me,after all. She just cares about the image she projects to the world.She wants to prove to the world that she is beautiful,and all I want to tell her is that the world will see your beauty no matter what...That you don't have to do anything to force it out of them.But I can't. I can't hurt her like that.

That day,I realized how cruel this world can really be. I have been living in a fairy tale where everything is in shades of purple and pink.I had faith in my heart that sooner or later,she'd realize that being true to yourself is more important than faking it to feel good about yourself. Perhaps,we all have that in us. That one tiny spark of evil that provokes us to go and chase our desires,no matter what or who we step on on the way.Are we all strong enough to say no to the evil? Yes,we are.

I had a talk with Yasmina the other night about this.Right now,she's one of the few people I genuinely trust.She made me realize that people do take advantage of the weak.Apparently,I belong with the weak.It still upsets me though.All I ever wanted is to be good---to live my life for others--to make it all worthwhile...I hope people realize that no matter what they do,there is only one me,and they can never be that,exactly.