The Final Straw

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.

I think I'm being the girl I used to be again. I'll wear no pretenses this time--I am so depressed. I'm tired of pretending to be so happy, so hyper just so I would not ruin the mood of my friends. I'm lonely, and I need to bleed it out or it'll stay in me forever.


I hate it,I hate being like this. Last night, I almost pleaded for my friends to stay with me. My friends in real life and some internet friends... I thought I at least deserved some of their time,since when they were the ones who needed me,I dropped everything just to be there for them. Well, they did not have time. It's so fucking disappointing,you know? I am so mad at the world. Why is everything so unfair?


Now I really know who my real friends are. Rani thought I was referring to her when I said some friends only remember me when they need something. Truth is, Rani saved me last night. She made me laugh with all those Chinese zodiacs, it was fun talking to her. She did not ignore the fact that I was a ROBOT, and she did something about it. Yasmina was there,too. I'm not surprised, she always has been there.

Anyway....I don't think I can live like this. I wish my friends know that I have feelings,too. I'm not some superhero you can run to whenever you need help. Sometimes, I need help too. Sometimes, I need you,too. I wish you could like,take five minutes out of your precious time and for once,ask me. Ask me what's wrong. Help me ease this burden in my heart. You are supposed to do that,cause you are supposed to be my friends.


Don't tell me we'll talk next time cause THERE IS NO NEXT TIME. I needed you last night. Call me selfish,call me a bitch. When it's you who needs me,I move heaven and earth just to be able to help you. I'm tired of all your excuses and all these pretenses. I can see right through you....You're not here, because you are perfectly happy with your life right now.


One day soon,you will need me again, and you will realize I'm not there aymore.


You have lost me,and I hope it gives you hell.