Dreaming Old Dreams,Wishing Old Wishes

I've always known fear.Since I was a child,I've had them.

I used to be scared of dogs,snakes,strangers.Now I've learned that there are so much more scarier things than those that could physically hurt me.

I'm scared of change.There are always those perfect moments that I luckily become a part of. There are always those times when I would wish the world would just stop and freeze because I love the feeling I am currently feeling, and I am scared that it would one day end. Because life will go on, and the moment would have to move on, eventually. Not even the prettiest photograph could capture the butterflies in my stomach.I am afraid that things might change after that.It will never be the same,but I have realized that if I hold on to just one moment forever,then it would be like I'm stopping myself from experiencing another perfect moment to happen.Change is the only permanent thing in this world,and I am scared,but I wouldn't let it get in the way of having the chance to experience as many fairy tale scenes as I could.

I am scared of losing.Not literally losing a game,or a bet,but losing the people I love,the things that have the most significant importance in my life,or a vital piece of myself that would defy my purpose in living my life the way I do.Sometimes,losing and change are strangely intertwined.When we lose something or someone,our lives will drastically change.We might not notice it,but that's the way it goes.I've always felt alone,I do,but that is just self inflicted loneliness.A deeper part of me knows that I really am not.I always have someone to turn to--I just don't because I like solitude.But knowing that someone's gone for good is different.It's the most painful part of saying goodbye: the knowledge that you have taken something or someone special for granted.In competitions,competitors almost always mutter "I could have done better".That's how it goes,too,in real life.The regrets that I could have done better makes it hard for me to let go of the past.

My fears are the strongest chains that bind me with this tree of permanence. I could be running,chasing pavements,flying with fireflies,contradicting time.But because I want nothing to change,because I want it all sure and planned,here I am,dreaming old dreams,wishing old wishes.The universe unfolds like it should,while I figure out how to push the demons down.