Rewind

There will always be that one day,that one single moment,when you wish you could go back to the past and change something...There'd be times we wish we could pick up the remote control and press rewind,and that it would actually bring back those days we've lost.

Honestly, letting go is not my thing.I guess I've made myself clear enough in my past posts that I'm not that good in forgetting the past,especially the times that meant the most to me.

When you lose someone that you truly cared for,it leaves an aching wound in your heart.It will take days,weeks,months before it would heal,but there will always be that scar.It will never be the same,and it will hurt,time and time again.

I've experienced this pain quite a lot of times.I've been in and out of relationships,good and bad.They burned me,that much I could say.I was like a candle back then,and everytime I let go,everytime I cried,I gave a piece of myself away,until one day,I was a total wreckage.I did not recognize who I was when I looked into myself.

What I've learned from these past experiences is that life is like playing the piano.You wouldn't always get the right notes,but you should try,until you play the perfect melody,and always play from the heart.As for my life back then,perhaps I wanted to play a perfect piece,that's why I kept using the same notes.I refused to accept that the keys I used did not fit to a perfect harmony,so I ended up playing an ugly tune.

How I wish I could go back to those days I was naive,and tell myself that I was worth so much more than being a guy's pastime,crying shoulder,trophy girlfriend.

I wish I could go back to those days I was head over heels in love with that someone who was more than a friend but less than a lover,and warn myself that it will all be over sooner than I expected.


I wish I could go back to those days I was blind,and tell myself that I deserved to be trusted,and I had the right to fly,before he could ever set my wings on fire.



I wish I could go back to those days I was strong willed,and point the lack of assurances to myself,I could have saved that girl that was me from a lot of unnecessary pain.

On the other hand,if a fairy godmother appears and hands me that remote control to life,I would never press pause to freeze myself into a magical moment forever,for I want to know how to truly live and make each moment,even the most awkward one,magical.

I would never press fast forward to go see the future,for I want to see each coming day as a gift that I am about to open.A little surprise is always nice.

I would never press rewind to go back and change anything in my past,for surely,those things that happened,good or bad,were the reasons why I became who I am right now.

Instead, I would press the record button...so that I could store all the scenes in my memory, and one day, when I am old and wise,i could press play,and see my life flash before me.All the mistakes I made,all the laughter and tears,all the friends I had,my winning and losing moments,my kick-ass decisions and indecision, my silly games--they will all be laid before my very own eyes...

When that day comes,I know I would nod,smile to myself and whisper as I close my eyes, it was all worth it...