And I can't understand why my heart is so broken,rejecting your love...
What beauty is there to life that I fail to see?I've seen love bloom and whither.I've seen a simple 'hello' turn into the strongest friendship,battling with time.I've heard a nightingale's lullaby,and I've always loved the falling rain.I thought I've seen it all.I thought it was all enough to make up for my dull and lonely life...
My toes curled as I stumbled to walk on the hot sand to that single palm tree at the end of the shore. Perfect,it was like me.Alone,lonely.I hurried up and sat leaning on its trunk,facing the glittering waters.It was about time I let it all out.
I cradled my tattered journal in my lap,then fished out for my pen in my pocket.Times like this were beautiful.It was just me,the sound of the rolling waves racing to the shore,the warm sand,the feel of the cool breeze breathing against my skin,and the summer sunset that started painting the skies in beautiful shades of orange and yellow.I was not alone.
Smile,I reminded myself as the sun started going down.The water surface was like a thousand diamonds,they glimmered as the sunlight kissed them.There it was,against the clouds.Bright,warm,beautifully painted in the skies,a masterpiece.A priceless item of art.The most important beauty in my life.The sunset...
I leaned in closer to the tree as I watched it retreat slowly.Opening my journal,I started scribbling down.I wrote of hatred,inequality,and hopelessness.I wrote of all the negativity I was feeling,and it felt like I was crying my heart out,though no tears came.I wrote of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams.The world went on around me as I jotted it all down.Hummingbirds were weaving beautiful music with their tongues,and I wrote about them.I wrote about wanting to fly,and then I wrote about my clipped wings...
I looked up to see it coming to an end.Dusk--another ending.It was like another goodbye I did not want to say.It was like a last hug I did not want to give,cause I hate endings.I hate starting anew.I hate goodbyes.I hate walking around the bend just to find out that it was a dead end.
Despite it all,I smiled.I bathed in sunlight,closing my eyes,looking up.I'm handing it all to the heavens.My burden,my sad thoughts...The sunset casted silhouettes of a girl and a tree,and in shadows,one can never tell them apart.I breathed in the dry and fresh April afternoon air,letting the tears fall.Raising my hands,holding my pen...Suddenly,I did not need it anymore.
So sadly,painfully,and almost too reluctantly,I kissed my pen goodbye.And together with the last golden beam of sunlight,I broke it in halves...And I felt compelled to cry.
I flipped through my journal to see the last entry I have made,to know if it was worth all the pain.
"And I will live under the cover of summer's kiss upon the sky.Like the storm face of your love just before you said goodbye.I was thinking that the seasons could be held between my arms,but just as summer's hold is fleeting,I was here.And now,I'm gone.I'm gone..."
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